This is the most REALISTIC of how I look on a day to day in different lighting and generally to most others.
Alright heads up this is a long one.
So ive essentially been hiding my transition. I did this 10 years ago in college, transitioned amd detransition for a variety of reasons the main being my family pushing me back in to be more masculine, hide myself to everyone, and a mental breakdown that caused me to utterly lose touch with reality.
That was 10 years ago, fast forward to now and im healthy again, older mostly passing I think? Been on hormones for a year and a half(on it for 3 years 10 years ago), ive changed my gender on my license, gotten a new job this week that i present as a woman nobody says otherwise or sees me as anything(atleast not to my face as far as I can tell), im slowly coming out to extended family, I still live with family and they dont know and im saving up to move out which in 2-3 months i should be able to with this job. I dress and act as a guy around them and then I change in my car in the mornings and anywhere else im going if I going for the day, then change back in the car take off my makeup etc.
This last day ive just been feeling this feeling in my stomach that I'm making a mistake or that I am in the wrong or even idk dysphoria to being a woman now? I know im not a guy, I also know I dont want to be androgynous or neutral or amything other than a woman. I know this. I drank like a fish to suppress my feelings, depressed, didnt have a fucking reason to live because of it, couldnt look in the mirror, and the thought of wearing for example typically coded male clothes like a suit makes me want to vomit and let alone being seen in that makes me want to cry. I know this, I wouldn't have restarted hormones, hours of electrolysis and laser, or any of the other hoops ive jump through to be where im at rn. But idk what these feelings are im feeling. Why am I feeling so fucking on edge and like I want to vomit constantly??
Shopping for new office clothes for a new job