u/shallowfrey

Posted on r/tucson originally and was directed to come over here instead

The odds of finding this guy are low but I can’t think of anything else to do since I didn’t even get his name so :,)
I work there as a cashier, you offered me your number and I declined (for a valid reason I’ll add), but I can’t get you out of my head so now I’m wondering if you’d still like to talk
Spent the rest of my shift telling my coworkers how this beautiful man hit on me and I didn’t get his number lol
If this doesn’t work I’ll just be hoping he shows back up in my store at some point

In short, I lost my virginity at 14 to a man who was 23. Shortly after, I became involved with a man who was 20. I had originally lied about my age, but told him the truth about three months in to knowing him. I had just turned 15 at this point. We carried on a relationship, a little on and off from what I recall, for the next two years or so. I have emails (because I was a child and would get my phone taken away) still between us during that time. I came across those emails recently and have been struggling a lot with them. It’s very clear to me, ten years later, how much he was grooming me. And also that it was very obvious I was underage from the beginning. When I came clean about my age, he immediately panicked but within a few hours we were figuring out how to continue talking with each other. I’ve had a pit in my stomach since last night when I found them. I started to spiral a bit last night and stalked him on the internet a bit, wanted to see where he was at in life. I found his Reddit, and made a separate email and separate account to pm him. We talked a bit. He apologized for the past, said “I consider that time the most horrible thing i have ever done to a single human being, and I will never be okay with myself for the pain I've caused. I hope that gives you some small bit of closure..” among other things. But I don’t feel closure. It’s a mixture of feelings. I was really angry at first. And then all day today I just became sad, almost missed him in a way? I don’t think I actually miss him at all but it was a strange feeling. Then I read more of our emails tonight and just feel sick. Feel so sad for 15 year old me who thought she would marry this guy and have kids with him.

I’m in a happy relationship now, he’s not even a year older than me, and I love him more than anything. He doesn’t know about any of this. Part of me wants to tell him but the other part of me wants to keep it my shameful secret. Especially the part where I actually broke down and messaged him last night. I don’t know why I did that, I wanted to cause him some anxiety I think. Just let him know I know how to find him I guess I don’t know.
I don’t know where I’m going with this but I just needed to vent about it. I wish I knew how to cope with some of this. I know I probably need therapy again and to actually talk to someone about it but I don’t have much of a desire to do that if I’m being honest.

For context I am 24, previously diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and ptsd. I suspect there’s more going on, possibly bipolar or borderline, and I need help. I feel like I am losing my mind lately and my behavior has been a bit erratic today especially which has me thinking about voluntarily admitting myself somewhere. I’ve gone inpatient before, but always after suicide attempts as a teen. I’m not currently suicidal, but I am feeling incredibly unwell

If anyone has experience at any facilities in town, I’d appreciate some input. I’m not against driving a little further to go somewhere decent either. My experiences as a teen in mental health facilities makes me nervous to voluntarily go to one as an adult but I am desperate

I’ve been starting the application process for summer of next year classes. They had me take the wonderlic on my tour day and I got a 28 which the advisor seemed impressed by. I went back today to do the math test and I got a 97%. I asked if it would be worth retaking the wonderlic and trying to get a better score but they said not to at this point. Curious if anyone has gotten an interview with the same scores as me, and also curious if anyone can tell me more about what the interview consists of? Tia!

What do you say when asked why you left your last job (toxic clinic) in an interview? I’ve been at my new clinic for a whole three weeks and I have two job interviews tomorrow because of how bad it’s been here. I’m worried they’ll ask why I’m looking for another job so soon, and I don’t know what to say, any advice is appreciated!

Also, one of the clinics I’m interviewing at is VCA. If anyone knows how their interviews tend to go/any tips would be much appreciated! I’ve seen all the warnings but it can’t be much worse there than what I’m currently dealing with