u/shishforlife2

Hi I struggled with AN even if it's not nearly as bad as other people's (only one year + one year of recovery- severe relapse cycle, tired of this in recovery again now).

I don't know whether my body actually looks the way I see it or not because of possible dysmorphophobia, but I'm considering leaving my boyfriend because of body insecurity, for context he has fast metabolism, he is not extreeemely thin but in my mind he is definitely thinner than me and I feel like it's true because I SEE it.

So I want to leave him because I feel huge and it's making my recovery harder, even though he loves me and wants to help me.

(For context I'm trans so the insecurity adds up even more)

Beh, il titolo si spiega da solo, sembro una bambina, non un ragazzo.

Sto male fisicamente (forti mal di stomaco, problemi vari di digestione) per delle ragioni che non specificherò dato il comportamento degli utenti, ed è colpa mia... Ma il problema è che ne parlo troppo e lo ripeto sempre perché ho bisogno di qualcuno che mi ascolti, ma sto solo infastidendo tutti perché non parlo di altro perché ho bisogno di attenzione, di sentirmi visto.

So di star sbagliando, quindi non venitemi a fare la ramanzina, voglio solo cambiare...

I am trying my best to eat to be safe because even though I'm not extremely underweight (BMI 17 dot something) my body is unhealthy, I'm starting to feel weird symptoms sometimes (yesterday my ankles were hurting like crazy for no reason to the point that I was about to cry, and that may come from water retention and electrolyte imbalance), I treated THREE damn cavities, almost fainted a lot of times etc...

It went like this for the past few months: started recovering well for two months and I was at the lowest end of healthy (BMI 18.5 minimum), then I relapsed and entered a cycle of restricting for around a month, then trying again for a week or two, restricting again, trying again etc... and got to my lowest BMI now, and I'm in the moment where I'm trying again.

The point is... I'm starting to have horrible thoughts that I'm no one if I'm not suffering from either ED or something else that will make me lose weight and suffer because without suffering, I'm no one, so I'm starting to get the horrible thought of abusing anxiety medication because some of them can stop your appetite and therefore make you lose weight without trying. I told my bf that I had the thoughts of doing this and he freaked out too. How the hell do I manage this?

Despite everything that people say about the french, I find that these people are very beautiful and nice, and so are the cultures and the food and everything and I actually enjoyed my stay here despite my many problems with digestion, stomach etc because I deprive myself from food; I was actually able to eat here because I wanted to try the food and of course their cheeses lol.

So yeah guys, the french and France are not as bad as people make it seem, it's beautiful, go there (I know that a lot of people joke about hating France but like, many people actually hate it for no reason so 😅😅)

I'd actually like to live here, after all I have family here that I can reach out to.