u/showercaptowel

sometimes i think i hate my mom. i think about how i grew up with her when i was little and she was nice and fun and we’d do fun things but i think i hate how she never pushed me to be or do anything in life. she didn’t care how i did in school she didn’t care if i played sports. moving in with my dad when i was 14 really changed the trajectory of my life. my dad started to introduce structure and would pay for me to be in activities and my dad wasn’t struggling financially the way my mom does. sometimes i feel like i also hate my mom because the way she struggles financially because it is entirely HER fault, it’s so annoying that she never saves any money she gets, she spends it all on such stupid shit, clothes, a jeep she bought so she could go off roading, she never spends any money on me, she doesn’t ask if i need help with ANYTHING. i feel bad because i know people have worse parents but she’s almost like i feel awful?? i think about how i see my friends moms do so much for them and i think about my friends that are moms and how they go above and beyond for their kids and my mom just has never done that. she’s been reaching out telling me she misses me but i just feel so conflicted on whether or not i want a relationship with her. she’s also overly religious and in religious psychosis which is awful. i just wish i had a mommy and i wish that she would step up to the plate. i just feel alone constantly and i feel like it’s so difficult to become a woman with no mother figure. i also sometimes see my mom and her irresponsibilities in me and i don’t know how to fix myself i don’t want to be my mom. i don’t know am i supposed to hate my mom? she’s my mom. but she doesn’t feel like a mom, she just feels like her?

sometimes i think i hate my mom. i think about how i grew up with her when i was little and she was nice and fun and we’d do fun things but i think i hate how she never pushed me to be or do anything in life. she didn’t care how i did in school she didn’t care if i played sports. moving in with my dad when i was 14 really changed the trajectory of my life. my dad started to introduce structure and would pay for me to be in activities and my dad wasn’t struggling financially the way my mom does. sometimes i feel like i also hate my mom because the way she struggles financially because it is entirely HER fault, it’s so annoying that she never saves any money she gets, she spends it all on such stupid shit, clothes, a jeep she bought so she could go off roading, she never spends any money on me, she doesn’t ask if i need help with ANYTHING. i feel bad because i know people have worse parents but she’s almost like i feel awful?? i think about how i see my friends moms do so much for them and i think about my friends that are moms and how they go above and beyond for their kids and my mom just has never done that. she’s been reaching out telling me she misses me but i just feel so conflicted on whether or not i want a relationship with her. she’s also overly religious and in religious psychosis which is awful. i just wish i had a mommy and i wish that she would step up to the plate. i just feel alone constantly and i feel like it’s so difficult to become a woman with no mother figure. i also sometimes see my mom and her irresponsibilities in me and i don’t know how to fix myself i don’t want to be my mom. i don’t know am i supposed to hate my mom? she’s my mom. but she doesn’t feel like a mom, she just feels like her?

currently 22F dating 21M and we’ve been together for coming up on 4 years. we used to have a good amount of sex the first 2 years of our relationship but now i don’t know what’s going on he never wants to have sex with me. i’m not an unattractive person i workout, i take care of my body, im a 34D, idk i know nothing has drastically changed since we’ve been together. i went through a phase where i gained some weight but we were still having sex then and since then i’ve lost the weight and for awhile after that we were still having sex. i feel like im genuinely starting to lose my mind over this, it makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me?? i don’t believe my bf has ED because when we have sex there’s no issues with that it just feels like he never ever wants to have sex with me. is there more i should be doing in the bedroom? i feel like i do a lot i feel like maybe i could maybe initiate more but i feel embarrassed that i am constantly having to go out of my way to ask for sex. it makes me feel very unwanted. my friend has suggested maybe my boyfriend should get his testosterone levels tested but he doesn’t really seem to care about getting that done. is there any advice anyone can give me? has anyone else gone through this? i would appreciate any input thank you for hearing me out.

edit: i’ve discussed this with my boyfriend a lot actually. it’s been an ongoing issue since september of 2024. we’ve discussed him trying therapy if he’s too stressed about life but he said that’s not an issue. we’ve discussed getting his testosterone levels tested but i think he’s possibly embarrassed to do that so he never gets around to it. he has great dual insurance so that’s not an issue i just idk what the issue is. i discuss this a lot with him because he makes me feel so unwanted but i would feel weird and awful breaking up over something like this /: