r/sexadvise

Hey everyone, I (33M) and my girlfriend of 6 months (35F) have been having a great relationship except for the sex.

Backstory:
I am coming out of a 10 year relationship that turned into a 4 year marriage (10 years total) that ended up sexless after about 1 year after we got married. Obviously that didn’t work out.

Currently in this relationship, I know she’s been unhappy with our sex life and has told me that she doesn’t enjoy sex with me. Before me, she had a lot of sex because she was only really into hookups and nothing permanent due to being hurt by someone previously. I have seen on her snap multiple times that she will randomly (once a month or so) sext one of these guys she hooked up with but never does anything physically with him. As for us having sex, I am working on it, but I feel like since she does this, she doesn’t actually want me as much as I think she does. Regardless of her doing this, I still want it to work with her and I want her to be loyal to me in every department.

She mentioned that what would turn her on about the other men is that they knew what they were doing sexually and were very dominant. In the messages I saw today, she mentioned him bending her over and making she squirt all over his place. I want to be that person, not him.

Is there a way that I can improve to fix this, or is this relationship one I should just forget and move on from?

22f Completely new to this, and what do guys want to hear during sexting? Are brief reactions enough or should it be like descriptive?

currently 22F dating 21M and we’ve been together for coming up on 4 years. we used to have a good amount of sex the first 2 years of our relationship but now i don’t know what’s going on he never wants to have sex with me. i’m not an unattractive person i workout, i take care of my body, im a 34D, idk i know nothing has drastically changed since we’ve been together. i went through a phase where i gained some weight but we were still having sex then and since then i’ve lost the weight and for awhile after that we were still having sex. i feel like im genuinely starting to lose my mind over this, it makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me?? i don’t believe my bf has ED because when we have sex there’s no issues with that it just feels like he never ever wants to have sex with me. is there more i should be doing in the bedroom? i feel like i do a lot i feel like maybe i could maybe initiate more but i feel embarrassed that i am constantly having to go out of my way to ask for sex. it makes me feel very unwanted. my friend has suggested maybe my boyfriend should get his testosterone levels tested but he doesn’t really seem to care about getting that done. is there any advice anyone can give me? has anyone else gone through this? i would appreciate any input thank you for hearing me out.

edit: i’ve discussed this with my boyfriend a lot actually. it’s been an ongoing issue since september of 2024. we’ve discussed him trying therapy if he’s too stressed about life but he said that’s not an issue. we’ve discussed getting his testosterone levels tested but i think he’s possibly embarrassed to do that so he never gets around to it. he has great dual insurance so that’s not an issue i just idk what the issue is. i discuss this a lot with him because he makes me feel so unwanted but i would feel weird and awful breaking up over something like this /:

I'm a straight black male I love cuddling being big spoon especially if a woman has🍑 and teases i like rubbing my piece between her butt or her thigh or let it run all the way to the front from behind to meet the tease in pjs or underwear ..I think it's a good way for learning the females touch especially if she climaxes off it a lot ..... My question is do lady's love to just have grind sessions still without penetration or is it only good for foreplay ?

I'm about to have sex tomorrow,. I'm bit confused that I can make her satisfy. any special things to do make my gf more satisfying apart from what we generally saw in porn movies.

I will get to see my boyfriend in a month after 3 months of being away for military. Our sex life has always been good, but I really want to "take care" of him when he comes back. i need advice on blowjobs, confidence, maybe taking a little control, and just overall making it better for him.

I’ve be been with my lovely girlfriend for about a year now and when we have intercourse she always tells me that I am the best or that I make her feel better than anyone ever has. I just can’t seem to believe it as I’ve never been able to take her the whole way. When I bring it up to her she tells me that she doesn’t know what she likes or how to get her there but I know for a fact a previous bf has. It really eats at me all the time and I’m finding it hard to want to make love to her because all I can think about is being lousy in comparison to this other guy. Even though I believe her and I’ve never had problems with other women getting them there, it really annoys me and has caused a lot of arguments. I wish she would tell me what I can do as all I want to do is make her feel totally and utterly euphoric when’s she’s with me but she just leaves me in the dark and tells me it’s “not that big a deal”.

Any advice how I can make her feel like the heavens and the earth are crumbling down and leave her begging me for more?

I (21F) have been with my boyfriend (24M) for 2 years. I was his first, but he wasn't mine. It took at least our first year for him to adapt to sex because he can only go one round, wants to be on top, and doesn't have the best core. He's been actively working out recently to improve his core. The problem I've been having is the limit on sex positions we can do; missionary every single time can get really boring and repetitive.

Whenever we try doggy or anything similar, it hurts a lot. I've tried getting used to it, asking him to move at my pace, then after a while, we'd decide to have him finish off missionary because it feels better for me. I've been trying to get used to it for months, but there are just some days that hurt more than others, and I swear I relax my body to the best of my ability and that I'm completely comfortable with my position.

Nonetheless, he's decided to stop doing that position for me. I want us to do other positions, but it's hard to find other positions where he's in power that are also good for beginners and don't let us struggle with our height difference (I'm 5'2 ft and he's 5'7 or 5'8 ft).

Edit: his dick is curved upwards.

Okay so I (F 30) have been struggling to get off. I spend so much time just trying to get there with my fingers which never results in an orgasm. It only gets me more frustrated. When I try to use a toy or vibrator I tend to get to a point where I pee instead of get off. And it’s not squirt, I have done that before and often so I do know the difference. It’s like warm pee for real. On top of that it’s not like I haven’t before I used to be super sexually active but here lately I’ve been super picky about my sexual partners. But I’m at the point where im scared to have sex with someone because I can’t get off or I’ll just pee on them.

Something I’ve realized is if I pee before I try to get off that doesn’t get rid of the pee all the way and I end up peeing anyway. I’ve also learned that after I pee from the stimulation (like 15-30 minutes later) I’ll eventually have the littlest baby orgasm. Which actually leaves me wanting more because I do love it and I love having sex and I’m usually super sexually active so it’s just incredibly frustrating! I need help!!

Toys I use -a rose, a bullet vibrator, or just a regular wand

I used to have multiple dildos and butt plugs but my ex stole them and I no longer have any of my butt plugs or dildos.

Idk it’s like I want to cum so bad and I try so hard. It’s almost like my clit is throbbing ready to go but something in my head won’t let me.

Help!!!

So I’ve know this girl for over a year and we recently started dating. We talked about sex and we both went to get tested together and everything was fine. I am 22M and she is 25F. I know that she is not a virgin but I am, even though we didn’t just come out and say that were going to have sex soon, I assume that it’s going to happen soon. I am very nervous about it because I really love her and want to make sure that she is satisfied and im worried that I might be done quickly. I am also not blatant big down there. I need some help

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years now, and everything between us is great. But I’m finding our sexual life to be a bit unbalanced. For the past 5 years, me and my boyfriend haven’t had sex once. We’re both still virgins. He struggles to remain hard in bed, which depletes his confidence. I never had an issue with it, because I’ve had fun doing other things mostly for his pleasure. I initiate 90% of things. Making out with him, giving him head, grinding on him, hand jobs, while he doesn’t do much back. But now I’m becoming a bit sad about it. Most of my friends have had sex, and I have not. I know it’s not good to compare, but if we could just do it once, it’d be great. My boyfriend really wants to have sex, but he’s so nervous and shy that he can’t remain hard. I try guiding him, reassuring him, leading him. We sext just fine, the sexting is great actually. But he says it has nothing to do with me, but I’m not so sure anymore.

Is there anything I can do to help calm my boyfriend’s nerves? Help him through anxiousness?

ok so this is a tad long, but my ex and I broke up about a week ago (he is an avoidant). from the beginning of our relationship, I noticed we would have intercourse for over an hour and he wouldn't cum. I kept silent but it was so painful.

I thought maybe with time things would get better. a few months down the road I noticed thing were not progressing (I hadn't brought it up to him). i decided to have the tough conversation with him. long story short, he told me he had struggled with it for years and has always been an issue with girls he's been with, especially ones he cared for. I was here for him, we explored other things sexually (rimming and some anal play).

he is as straight as they come fyi. we were able to break through and fix the problem. ok so here is my question: since he was only able to cum with me, does this mean that no other girl can do the job. it's very mental. oddly enough; we sexted yesterday and he told me I was the only one that could get him there. his hand didn't do the job like it use to. crazy how the tables turn

My wife (35F) and I (41M) have been trying to spice things up a bit lately. She's mentioned that her preferences have changed over the last year and she's been wanting something more sensual and intimate rather than the usual free porn sites, which she says feel too aggressive and fake. One of her friends suggested Bellesa but I don't know much about it.

Has anyone here tried it? Is it worth paying for especially for couples?

I'm a 34 year old sex starved woman.

The man I married, I met when I was a 19yo virgin. I didn't know who I was sexually back then. We're now 15 months into a dead bedroom. Sex, when we did have it was super vanilla. I have tried so hard to add some excitement into the bedroom but he DOES NOT CARE. Hes very low libido and has always struggled with ED. The reason we've stopped having sex is because I'm no longer on the pill and he can't stay hard long enough for the condom to stay on. He's been to the Dr about this. Viagra also doesn't help.

I can walk past him naked and he doesn't react. I'm not unattractive, I know there are men out there that would show me what I'm missing, I've even discussed divorce with him because of this, but I ultimately feel too shallow to divorce over sex, especially when it's not his fouls he has a low libido. The past few nights we've managed to mutually masturbate together. I was talking dirty to him and he seems to be turned off by it if anything. So I asked him what he was going to do to me, which led to the least sexy dirty talk I've ever heard. I'm at a loss. I feel like I'm missing out on my best sexual years. There's no point to this post really. I just needed to get this off my chest.

Thanks for listening.

I (35F) have been on three dates with him (32M) and we've slept together once.

I don't know what it is about this person's pheromones but i've never experienced anything like it before.

Obviously i know what limerance is and i've had feelings of normal obsessive desire but this is something else. I have had plenty of sexual experiences, multiple long term relationships, many gorgeous short-lived ones, great sex. Its nothing like any of that. It's not even my brain it's my body. In the past when I've been turned on by someone or wanted them it felt strong then but in comparison to this its nothing.

On our first date I was so overpowered by it that we slept together on the first date, normally it takes me a bit longer to even be interested, and the sex was good but its not even that.

Where he touches me anywhere even my arms, all the blood rushes there, when we kiss and I taste his mouth I can't think, sometimes when he's near me I actually can't speak because all I can think about is sex.

The second date I wanted to take him home so badly but he said no, just to tease me.

When I see him, I am literally wet for like 2 days straight after. I don't even want him to be my boyfriend (although he's also a kind and thoughtful person) I just feel so feral around this man I don't understand why this is happening.

Has anyone had this before?? Is this normal???

Married 17 years. Long history of sex issues in our marriage. Currently not going well and had a recent argument/discussion again….lots of things here.

But if your partner texted you that they were horny, what would your response be to them?

Would you just ask questions? Push it off? Ask them what they want? Encourage them to act on that feeling (go rub one out, thinking of me doing x,y,z)? Start sexting back and see where it goes? Send nudes? Maybe a video of you masterbating?

As an example. I sent my wife a text earlier while at work saying that I was really horny. She didn’t respond as she was at a work event. But after her event she called and asked how I would like her to respond to those texts….my initial reaction was frustration and just shut down. Like what do you mean? Tell me how you want my body, desire me, tease me, tell me if I have time to go to the bathroom and rub one out while thinking of me…etc…

This will now illicit another long convo later. But if the roles were reversed (I wish) and she sent me a text saying she was super horny. I would immediately text back, entice, encourage, tell her to start touching herself, telling her I wish I was there to x,y,z her, etc….
And that’s where frustration lies. She has no drive, no tact with sex, no thinking “man I want my husband so hard right now and about to blow”, how can I make it happen kind of thoughts.

tl;dr
If your partner tells you they are horny in a text. How do you respond?

My (36F) husband (27M) and I have been together 2.5 years, married a little over 1.
When we first started dating he mentioned it had been a while for him. The first time we had sex he lasted maybe 20seconds. Once we got in the rhythm though, we had sex pretty much almost every night.
Slowly, he started initiating less and less. Now I'm lucky if I get it 1-2x a month.
A few months ago we were discussing our marriage and he said how lucky we both are because of how compatible we are and we have a great sex life. I said "do we?" And he asked if I disagreed and said he wants me to feel satisfied. I mentioned that we don't have sex as often anymore and he said he didn't know why. A different conversation, he mentioned he didn't want to have as much anymore because he "kind of got over it". He said he doesn't know why, but he doesn't really feel the urge as much anymore.
A couple of months ago I brought it up again and asked why we don't have as much sex and he said again "idk". Somehow in that conversation, he said something along the lines of he's not in the mood but when I initiate then he just gives in. So I asked "sooo... I'm practically forcing you to f me?" He said no that's not what he meant. And I felt horrible. Like I'm r***ing him ??!! He insisted that's not what he meant. He said he starts out not in the mood but once we get playing he gets turned on and then he's good to go... ?
I love giving head and have been told many times by my ex that I am really good at it. Yes my husband barely reacts and used to finish but now he doesn't and I get tired. He is smaller than my ex so I do have to do things differently and perhaps it's not enough for him? I am self conscious now and have anxiety about it anytime we start.
I don't know what to do. I feel unwanted, undesired, unloved. Do I suck in bed?
He will sometimes say things like "I'm going to f you good tonight" but then tonight comes and nothing happens.
I am a little depressed over this...

My whole life (26y)I've been fine with plastic surgery, but I've never been into the over-the-top "bimbo" look, and I'm still not.

However, over the last few years I've developed a really strong attraction to women with breast implants. I can't stop wondering what it would be like to have sex with a girl who has silicone breasts. There's just something about a woman who got breast augmentation to look sexier that really turns me on. I'm not talking about an obviously fake, heavily plastic look, more like tasteful, slightly enhanced breasts that still look kind of natural but are undeniably augmented.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? It feels like this attraction just appeared over time, and I'm curious if anyone can relate or has any idea why that might happen.

I am a 42/m. My wife 42/f was giving me a blowjob last night. Usually we do this with her on her knees and me standing (just how things go i dunno) but we recently discussed me sitting down for her to have a better angle and position to help her last longer in that area. (Side note i have never in my life gotten off from a blowjob) So as I sit down and we are getting into it i realized that I was "tightening/tensing up" in the pelvic area. I thought about it and realized I do this all the time. I clench or hold tight in that area even during sex.

So I decided to let loose and just sit there and take it. I didn't flew my dick or make it jump or even move my hips. I just sat there completely relaxed in that area. I felt (mentally) weird. I felt like by relaxing that much i didn't care. I dont know if that makes since, but if I am flexing my goin to meet her sucking and stroking then I am participating, if I just stand or sit there and do nothing with my body I feel like she will sense that I am loose and think im not into it or her. If this makes any since help me make since of it.

After I relaxed I started to have different sensations down there than normal. Nothing super crazy just it was different and a little better. Am I overthinking this or have I been getting blowjobs wrong the whole time.

so I met this girl online and we hit it off great shes elated to see me and she wants to do the deed today, any advice for this virgi?