Hi, 19f here. I like to have casual conversations, talk about everything (life, family, controversies, conspiracy theories, therapy, anything. Need someone to talk to? Welcome)
I'm up for long term friendships if we do click, but please don't be a creep you'll just be blocked.
Let's have better communication and healthy friendships
I never wanted an online relationship, actually I never was looking for any relationship in the first place. But then there was this guy (my current bf). He was my friend for like 6-7 months (online friendship) but I didn't think much about it, I used to have many friends online back then. But then he confessed his feelings, but honestly, never pressured me. He was just there, silently, through everything. Even when I liked someone else and got ignored and the situationship got toxic, he'd be there for me even when it hurt him to hear me talk about someone else. So I just gave him a chance, and it's been more than a year, he's not made me regret it yet. The only thing I miss is not having him close.
But I'm worried because people might act differently online from what they are irl. Do you guys think online relationships ever work out for good?
**TL;DR; : I'm in an online relationship and it's been great for a whole year. But I'm worried he might be different irl than he is online. Anyone ever had an online relationship that actually worked out?**.
I'll go first, my mother often told me that I'm ugly and useless and no one would ever want me if not for her. Till day I still subconsciously think people are just being polite or even mocking me if they tell me I'm pretty.
When I was 15 my mother told me that the night before she had almost ended it all. That the only reason she didn't was because she saw my face.
She meant it as love I think. But what it did was make me responsible for her being alive.
I never told anyone. It felt like something I shouldn't talk about. That talking about it would be betraying her.
But after that I became whatever she needed. I asked for nothing, made no demands, when she was unhappy at home I agreed to move to her mother's house — just to keep her okay. I walked on eggshells constantly, reading her mood before my own, making sure she was comfortable before I even thought about myself. I put her needs so far above mine that it just became automatic. Her comfort first. Always.
Slowly it became an expectation. Like I was supposed to protect her. Defend her if someone tries to tell her I'm hurting just to make her feel better. And if I ever tried voicing my discomfort, it was met with guilt tripping.
I'm 19, almost 20 now but I still don't know how to put the baggage down. In ways I'm still trying to keep her alive by shrinking myself.
Does anyone else carry something like this? A moment that changed everything, that was never addressed, that just quietly became the way you lived?
I don't even know what I'm looking for. Just wondering if anyone else knows what this feels like.