I don't know how many of you like ASMR, but I love the sound of CD tapping, and my copy of SS that just came in seemed like a good candidate. 💿
What's your fav track from the album?
I've been relistening to PTV's old stuff, and I really love this song.
I really love the way Vic sings the phrase "calm down". AFFTD is underrated. 💐
If I ever get married someday, I imagine my husband would say this to me on the reg. 🤣
So... I won't bore all of you with every detail of my life, but I really wanted to share this to maybe help release some of my pain and trauma. I don't want tips or advice. I just want someone to maybe relate to, or tell me they understand.
Growing up, I was always insecure about my self image. I've never thought of myself as a pretty girl. I thought I was hideous. But it wasn't a huge issue until I turned 13. Because that was the year my hirsuitism came to stay. By the end of that year, I had a full beard. I would get formally diagnosed with PCOS the summer I turned 14, and also started doing Nair face treatments every week since then. I've always struggled with my weight too.
But man, has PCOS ruined my life. Growing up, boys wouldn't even look at me. And whenever I'd try to work up the courage (even though my social anxiety was crippling and debilitating) to talk to a cute guy, he'd shut me down hard. The amount of times I got called "tra****" and people would go "Ewwwww! She has facial hair! Gross!" I lost count.
I was so ashamed to show my face anywhere. I tried so hard to look like a "normal" girl, but people kept hurting me.
It got to the point where I would break down and cry in my bed every night. I thought to myself, "No one will ever love you, you ugly freak." And a teacher even suggested I should k*** myself if I had to live "like that". Of course I'd never do it, but it still hurts.
I gave up on love eventually in my early twenties, but now find myself wanting it. But being too scared to be rejected for the billionth time.
So I've lived most of my adult life in the shadows. Afraid and unlovable. Wishing things were different. 😢 All the pain I feel inside never goes away. And losing my best friend at 12 didn't help.
I wish this disease hasn't taken my smile. My joy. My chance to feel like a real woman. I take it day by day. Hopefully one day I can get some laser hair. Maybe a man could love me someday...
Thanks for reading. <3 Much love to anyone experiencing hardship through this terrible disorder.
My brothers and I were talking about music and pop culture trends in our respective formative years, and discussing who had it the best or worst.
So I selected 5 random popular top 40 songs from each of our time periods of our youth.
Who do you think had it the best/worst?
My oldest brother (mid to late 90's)
Me (early to mid 2000's)
My youngest brother (late 2000's to early 2010's)