u/sometimesfriendly

I saw a lot of trip reports about ego dissolution and people realizing things about themselves, but I spent four or five hours completely detached from reality. I had strong visuals to the point where I couldn't see much, I completely let go and just let the mushrooms do their thing.

That was when the concept of everything I knew was gone, time was just flat and so was space. I was seeing people and history from a different viewpoint, where no good or bad mattered, nor sickness or death. I couldn't understand the concept of money and material things, none of that seemed important at the time. I lost touch with reality completely when I started to think about death. I lost someone close a few years ago and I didn't feel sad while I was tripping. It was like no one ever died, we couldn't see their material bodies but they never fully left us. Anything that I had ever learned or known from the moment I was born just wasn't important, and my body stopped feeling real. I almost panicked because I was convinced life itself wasn't a real thing, I saw myself disappear from the outside, along with everybody else that I knew. For the first time I had no real fears, as if nothing could harm me and our bodies were just shells.

I started tripping around 4:00 PM, and my consciousness only came back around 10:00 PM. I'm still a bit shocked. I'm back, but most things still seem unimportant to me.

My psychiatrist makes me feel gaslighted every single appointment, and it's getting worse. The only reason I didn't change doctors is because I have been stable for years. He first dismissed my OCD diagnosis for years because "it's not that bad". On another appointment I was feeling depressed and a bit suicidal, but according to him it's only a depressive episode if I'm feeling like that for a month, and said I was feeling just regular sadness. I wanted to get off seroquel for years because of the side effects, but he never gave anything that would help with sleep so I kept going back. Today I was happy because I have been off benzos for 4 months, after starting a treatment with cannabis for chronic pain. I also stopped taking opioids as often, which was a big win for me. My doctor says it's all placebo tho, including the supplements I take to help muscle recovery, sleep, and dermatillomania. I've been dying with chronic pain for years, it's very frustrating and cannabis helped a lot. My doctor is against it, because according to research it's just placebo. He spent the whole appointment showing me articles that say I'm wrong. I'm so fucking tired, I wish I could just stop taking all my meds since they are all placebo and I'm lying about everything.