u/soursae

I’m looking for perspective specifically from people who naturally feel things very deeply and tend to develop strong romantic feelings quickly. I’ve been talking to someone I’ve known for about three months, but things only became romantic recently. He’s already very emotionally invested, talks about seeing a future with me, says he feels incredibly strongly about me, and expresses a level of care that I would normally expect much later into a relationship. Part of me finds it really sweet, and his actions have been consistent with what he says with open communication and no control, but another part of me is cautious because it’s so soon and he got out of a relationship at the beginning of this year (i have brought that to his attention on how im cautious and he was very receptive to my worries, we talked about it etc etc.)

I’ve wondered whether what he’s experiencing is genuine connection, rebound infatuation, love bombing, or simply the way he attaches to people. From what he’s told me about himself and his life, I also get the impression that caring for people very deeply comes naturally to him and that he may form emotional attachments faster than I do, not that this is just an impression I have but something he’s also told me upfront personally. One thing I admire is we are very comfortable having deep talks together, just after a few weeks I feel I know more about him than I do long friends of mine, all we really do is talk to get to know each other, and he seems to be very aware of how strongly he feels things and at the speed he does, and he has told me before that he doesn’t want his emotions to pressure me at all in the extent that I feel towards him which I appreciate.

So I’d really like to hear from people who are the person who falls fast, rather than just people who have dated someone like this. When you’ve felt extremely strongly about someone early on, did those feelings actually remain once the honeymoon/infatuation stage wore off? And how do you personally distinguish between “I feel things deeply and quickly” and an unhealthy attachment or love bombing?

I don’t want to automatically treat emotional intensity as a red flag, because u do hear stories of couples married for years, and when one partner says ‘they knew the minute they met’ it can feel super romantic, but I also don’t want to mistake intensity for stability. I’m trying to understand what falling fast actually feels like from the other person’s perspective, and how do I protect myself without throwing everything away like I would usually do with my avoidant tendencies?

I’m hoping in posting this someone who was in my shoes, and ended up having kids could tell me how it worked out for them. Growing up, whether it be my own mother, my aunts, my cousins who are 16+ year older who had kids, they all had one dream and it was to become a mom, but me growing up watching them be mothers, I couldn’t help be see them be miserable 24/7. My one cousin who always dreamt of being a mom would constantly tell me that she just wishes she could wake up one day and leave and never come back. My own mother tells me all the time that becoming a mom ruined her entire life. When I’m in public and I see crying children with mothers who haven’t slept in days, my chest clenches. I’m not sure how to process these emotions. Maybe it’s just because I’m so young that I haven’t lived yet and I need to live before I feel like I need to settle down? I have this feeling that maybe the reason I’m so scared of becoming a mother is because every mother in my life has had their identity ripped from them (their words not mine) and a new one rebirthed since having a kid, but they don’t recognize themselves now as this mother and they fell into a deep depression and regret. But at the same time, I have this other side of me that feels as though if I found the right guy, someone gentle enough, I could do it. The idea of loving someone and creating life together and to pour love into is so beautiful too me, but what if I get caught in that beautiful idea and then I have a child and just like all the mothers in my life, my identity is ripped from me and I regret it and can never go back, but what if me never having kids makes me lose out on numerous paths of love and memories, I won’t have a family to wake up to on Christmas morning and those kind of things, but I also deeply admire women who didn’t choose to have kids and have lived one HELL of a life. I see so many people who are 25-26 getting married and starting their lives with those they love, and I find myself going on dates and checking compatibility with people and I can’t help but get anxious that I just don’t know and am not sure I ever will.

I’m a 20F and have always gone to festivals, but this year I’ve really gone all in (been to about 20 shows and 3 festivals so far whereas past years I’ve only gone to one show or one festival.) I have experimented at a few of these shows but not all and have loved it so far, but I’ve noticed some of my friends distancing themselves from me, not understanding the scene, or dramatizing what goes down (I.e, I’ve experimented a few times so now I must be an addict.) While a couple of my friends have rightfully distanced themselves from me (found out about my experimenting and got uncomfortable bc they lost a loved one from laced stuff etc.) I just don’t really know how to handle the situation? Mostly because I’m confused it’s just a hobby I have and I know I’m being safe and responsible so I can’t really wrap my head around their concerns despite knowing the stereotypes around raving and edm culture. As i know people look down on this community, how have you all handled close friends of yours showing disappointment, judgement, and distance based on misunderstandings or just from the lack of information? It’s also helpful to know I’m in college and in a sorority, so I already know about the rumors people have started by simply seeing me at these festivals/shows, I could care less about that, people are gonna find a way to talk/hate about literally anything, but it makes me sad knowing that friends who I consider very close, feel like they can’t talk to me about certain things.