u/spookymichie

I had a friend since school. We changed a lot but stayed in touch especially when I moved abroad. We are from a global south country and I'm living in Europe now. This friend reached out a few times in the year when I was in our hometown, but we talked online frequently when I moved. I think she was fascinated with the idea of living abroad too, but her mother is very attached and her partner doesn't want to. I shared the good side, but the bad side of being an immigrant was/is a struggle to me. With the years I got tired of hearing I had no problems, she judging acquaintances who also went abroad and sending me reels about how better or accessible things are in richer countries. I can't totally disagree, of course. Accessibility in some areas and consuming are better in Europe than our town.

It's important to mention that there was a time we shared the same psychologist and to me it was a mistake. First of all the psychologist usually told me that she was the only one I could trust and that she was now me (?) and understood me better than anyone, even me (?). If I said I didn't understand this approach, she would tell me I wasn't prepared yet or that some people don't get it fast. Besides that, the psychologist messed up our names, struggles and even shared confidential information about my friend, saying it was about "an unnamed patient". The worst to me was when the psychologist heavy criticized this friend. Friend told me she was reading online about ADHD and related to the symptoms. In the same week, the psychologist said "crazy patients can't read anything online about ADHD because they think they have it" She used to call people crazy a lot, which made me uncomfortable. The cherry on top was that the psychologist is from my hometown, never travelled abroad and had this fantasy about Europe from literature and movies. Everything is perfect, people are fair and educated all the time. The problem was my head only, my fault. Sorry if I can't completely ignore xenophobia I live or see. Anyways, I stopped my sessions. I never told my friend all the reasons because she always pointed out how this treatment was being helpful.

After that, I messaged this friend less frequently and we shared reels like once a week and that's it.

One day I was affected by lay offs and commented with my friend something in those lines. I said lay offs and AI in tech makes me sad, but I didn't mention my situation. She proceeded to say only incompetent workers were going to be affected and people who resist updating themselves. I tried to change topics, but it escalated to her telling me the privileges of being in Europe again and that I should stop. I'm not covered by unemployment laws as a European, but I have a feeling telling this wouldn't make any difference at this point. I said that I have some struggles she didn't understand and she has many I don't. That's ok, we're living differently now. I said that maybe we should stop talking about it. I just wanted to vent and find some comfort after being fired. She kept pushing and told me I wasn't replying as often anymore and that I was going to abandon her the same way I abandoned our psychologist. I told her the therapy is not a friendship and we were friends since childhood, I wouldn't do that. She said "ok" and we never spoke again. I sent some reels and one message asking how things were but she never answered. We clearly aren't friends anymore. I feel like the worst for losing a childhood friendship. My question is, how to overcome it? How to not feel like a bad person? I know I have my faults in this situation but it's not entirely because of me. I'm resentful and kind of afraid about how she might be bad mouthing me to other school friends. Sometimes I think about asking them something or telling we don't speak anymore.