u/spottablemouse

I'm watching my younger sister upset the lives of her children and (former) fiancé and I can't do it anymore.

I (37) have a sister I grew up close with, since she's almost 2 years younger than me. Her behavior problems really got bad when she was 12, and then we split. She no longer wanted to be around me or admit to anyone she had an older sister. She had her first son at 19, and her second 5 years later. Over the years and throughout my nephews lives, I've watched her rotate through relationships. At first it's magical, then after a year or so she finds a reason to leave. She's a liar (but not a gifted one) so more often than not she'll make up a reason to leave, and has often lied to others about the break up conditions.

Most recently she got engaged to this amazing guy. Okay, well, by this point she's been married at least once (eloped and didn't tell anyone, then thought she could take the divorce to her grave until we saw the divorce announcements in the paper), and engaged 4 times. She's broken off 3 other engagements, I've been to 2 dress fittings and wasted money on 2 bridesmaids dresses. But anyways, this current guy is in love. Head over heels. Things were amazing between them until a few months ago when out of nowhere she told me he was becoming abusive. This was out of nowhere because this guy is a Teddy bear. I believed her, which in hindsight I regret but you can't unscramble an egg and all that. I'm painfully familiar with her pattern of lying. It never changes and I can't emphasize how bad she is at it. She's been traveling to go on long trips to meet up with a guy she's been playing with on Fortnite, and he's only a few years older than my nephew.

So long story short, my dad talked to fiancé and got a totally different story than what my sister gave, which is typical considering my sister's story never matches up with anyone else's. Today I talked to fiancé and his account matches more with mine. Her actions contradict everything she's told me. She still lives with him, won't move out, still goes places with him, etc. I found out she's been neglecting both the boys and her older son hasn't talked to her all week. Both times she went out of town to meet this guy she never got in touch with them. She complains that she isn't close to anyone but she pushes everyone away. I lived with her for a year and a half in 2023 and her neglect and verbal abuse made me move out, but then she accused me of abandoning her.

This is a pattern of behavior that's been going on forever, but she absolutely refuses to listen. I can't emphasize this enough. If she doesn't like what you're saying she'll ignore you or talk over you until you stop. If you confront her about how she's acting, you're against her and she gets furious. None of us know how to get through to her and I don't know where to start. I fully understand she's dealing with something beyond her control (I have OCD something awful so I get it) but it seems impossible to get through. Fiancé doesn't know, dad doesn't know, and mom passed away suddenly 2 years ago so obviously she's no help. Where can we start?

I'm watching my younger sister upset the lives of her children and (former) fiancé and I can't do it anymore.

I (37) have a sister I grew up close with, since she's almost 2 years younger than me. Her behavior problems really got bad when she was 12, and then we split. She no longer wanted to be around me or admit to anyone she had an older sister. She had her first son at 19, and her second 5 years later. Over the years and throughout my nephews lives, I've watched her rotate through relationships. At first it's magical, then after a year or so she finds a reason to leave. She's a liar (but not a gifted one) so more often than not she'll make up a reason to leave, and has often lied to others about the break up conditions.

Most recently she got engaged to this amazing guy. Okay, well, by this point she's been married at least once (eloped and didn't tell anyone, then thought she could take the divorce to her grave until we saw the divorce announcements in the paper), and engaged 4 times. She's broken off 3 other engagements, I've been to 2 dress fittings and wasted money on 2 bridesmaids dresses. But anyways, this current guy is in love. Head over heels. Things were amazing between them until a few months ago when out of nowhere she told me he was becoming abusive. This was out of nowhere because this guy is a Teddy bear. I believed her, which in hindsight I regret but you can't unscramble an egg and all that. I'm painfully familiar with her pattern of lying. It never changes and I can't emphasize how bad she is at it. She's been traveling to go on long trips to meet up with a guy she's been playing with on Fortnite, and he's only a few years older than my nephew.

So long story short, my dad talked to fiancé and got a totally different story than what my sister gave, which is typical considering my sister's story never matches up with anyone else's. Today I talked to fiancé and his account matches more with mine. Her actions contradict everything she's told me. She still lives with him, won't move out, still goes places with him, etc. I found out she's been neglecting both the boys and her older son hasn't talked to her all week. Both times she went out of town to meet this guy she never got in touch with them. She complains that she isn't close to anyone but she pushes everyone away. I lived with her for a year and a half in 2023 and her neglect and verbal abuse made me move out, but then she accused me of abandoning her.

This is a pattern of behavior that's been going on forever, but she absolutely refuses to listen. I can't emphasize this enough. If she doesn't like what you're saying she'll ignore you or talk over you until you stop. If you confront her about how she's acting, you're against her and she gets furious. None of us know how to get through to her and I don't know where to start. I fully understand she's dealing with something beyond her control (I have OCD something awful so I get it) but it seems impossible to get through. Fiancé doesn't know, dad doesn't know, and mom passed away suddenly 2 years ago so obviously she's no help. Where can we start?