u/ss_7654

Having problems with my longtime girlfriend and not sure what to do. She has a lot of great qualities—she’s loyal, caring, smart, funny, and has supported me through a lot. However, there are some recurring issues that have been weighing on me, and I’m starting to wonder if I’m being unreasonable or if these are legitimate concerns.

She is very sensitive.

I appreciate that she’s emotionally aware and in touch with her feelings, but I often feel like minor disagreements turn into long conversations that end with me apologizing. For example, we recently debated whether parallel parking should be required to get a driver’s license. I said I would argue that drivers who can parallel park are generally more skilled than drivers who can’t. She got upset because she can’t parallel park. I reassured her that I wasn’t talking about her specifically and wasn’t saying that people who can’t parallel park are bad drivers. Eventually the issue became that I “didn’t understand her,” and I ended up apologizing just to move on from the conversation.

She gets upset over small signs of disconnection.

If I’m quiet, tired, distracted, or my tone seems off, she often assumes something is wrong. Sometimes after a long day I just don’t have much to say, but she will tell me I’m not talking enough. I’ve explained that I prefer conversations to happen naturally and that if she wants to talk she can bring up a topic or ask me a question. Instead, she’ll often ask what I want to talk about, which feels like the responsibility is still being put on me.

I feel like my boundaries aren’t respected.

A recent example was Mother’s Day. She called expecting to chat, and I told her I was spending time with my parents and wasn’t available for a conversation at that moment. She became upset. If the situation were reversed and she told me she was busy, I would simply say we’d talk later.

Another example is dancing. She loves going out dancing and I don’t. I’m fairly introverted and it’s not something I enjoy. I’ve tried compromising by agreeing to go occasionally, but she continues to push the issue even after I’ve explained that it’s just not something I’m comfortable with.

I feel like I’m putting in more effort than she is.

We’re both busy post-grad students living on opposite sides of town. I’m almost always the one making the commute to see her. She didn’t approve of where I moved (too far away), so she rarely will make the drive to my place. When I go over, I often cook, clean, bring gifts, and try to help however I can. She says she appreciates these things, but the overall effort in the relationship often feels one-sided.

The biggest issue is that all of these things combined have left me feeling like I’m walking on eggshells. I worry about saying the wrong thing, being too quiet, setting a boundary, or expressing a different opinion. I’ve tried discussing these concerns with her, but the response is usually that she’s sensitive and that’s just who she is.

Lately I’ve noticed that I feel calmer and more like myself when I’m alone, which is concerning because I care about her a lot.

Am I being unreasonable here? Has anyone been in a similar situation? I’d really appreciate some outside perspectives.

TL;DR: My longtime girlfriend has many great qualities, but I increasingly feel like I’m walking on eggshells around her. She often gets upset by things I see as minor or unintentional, expects a lot of emotional reassurance, struggles with me being quiet or needing space, and doesn’t always respect boundaries when I say I’m unavailable or uncomfortable with something. I also feel like I’m putting significantly more effort into the relationship than she is. I’ve tried talking to her about these issues, but the response is usually that she’s just a sensitive person. Lately, I’ve noticed I feel calmer and more like myself when I’m alone, and I’m wondering whether these are normal relationship challenges or signs of a deeper incompatibility.

Not sure how common cash jobs are anymore, but I’m looking for one for the summer months. I have lots of experience working as a labourer and some in the food industry. Open to anything - feel free to message me if you know of anything.