u/starfypawz_

TW for religious trauma, anti-LGBTQ+ and far-right views (from my mom), and emotional abuse. Feel free to give advice or support if you want, it would be appreciated.

I try to keep calm and just let myself move on with a smile because I literally can't do anything else as of right now, but it's getting harder everyday. I'm 19 nonbinary and I live with my mom and my little brother (he's around pre-teen age).

I've definitely had many issues with my mom many times before, and it's still ongoing. We have VERY different viewpoints and I've been criticized and ridiculed for my identity. It's gotten so bad I'm afraid to get short haircuts out of fear of her disapproval. I gave myself a mullet at 16 and she basically told me I'm an affront to God, I'm going to hell if I don't change, and that the LGBTQ+ is bad and wrong and make fun of Jesus and Christianity. The one thing that stuck out the most to me is her basically admitting she's come up with murder fantasies under her "love for Christ" where she said she'd let us (her, me and my little brother) be murdered than to betray her love and dedication for Jesus. I couldn't believe her and then proceeded to act like I was the worst person in the world when I asked her if she loved me.

That's just one of the things she's done. Nevertheless, she makes me uncomfortable and constantly spills her political and religious viewpoints on me, while I am expected to stay silent and tolerant despite me not getting that attitude in return. She constantly vents to me about her emotional issues and things she's going through, like heavy stuff. It's been like this for years when my parents fought constantly, only difference is that it's only her now, not my dad.

She came in my bedroom today while me and my brother were minding our own business watching TV, and she seemed really erratic and fidgety. She explained that she's withdrawing from us emotionally and is no longer going to vent to us about her problems, but also refusing to show us funny videos she finds online, refusing to watch TV or play video games with us (which we rarely do anyway because of her work schedule). She stated that me and my brother make faces towards each other whenever she speaks about something and she said it hurts her and that she's the third wheel. She says we do it a lot but she couldn't even provide a specific example when I asked twice. She just says we "do it." And the only reason I didn't notice is because I'm clueless to my own actions and that she's not stupid.

Yes, my brother does vent to me when my mom is mean to him, and I try my best to keep my emotions away from my little brother, but I always educate him in secret to be an open-minded and kind person. The last thing I want for him is for my mom to indoctrinate him with her hateful viewpoints and behavior. I want to steer him right, he has no friends, no father figure, our eldest sister is already out of the house. It's just her and me and it feels like a game of tug of war leading him on the right path, and I fear for him when I finally leave this place.

As for speaking behind her back, the only time I do that is when I'm speaking amongst my sister (my brother is sometimes present when I do this though so I'll admit to that fault), therapist, partner or friends. I try my best to never say overly cruel things and the only reason I speak "behind her back" is because she's almost impossible to approach because she thinks I'm being combative.

I don't even notice these "faces" I make half the time. If it explains anything, I'm autistic and have ADHD, so I do feel "out of place" when it comes to typical social cues or actions. She always says I'm cold and cruel as well, but can NEVER provide examples.

I feel so hurt. The only reason she realized she's at fault for venting to us about her issues is because me and my brother "make faces." She barely asks how I am, whenever she comes home from work, more than half of the conversation is about her issues, and then she just leaves me be with little to no room to talk.

I have trouble doing things around the house, I'll admit. It's very hard for me and I'm not upset at her for thinking she feels alone when it comes to housework or chores (however I do try whenever I can). But now I feel like the only thing I felt I was doing right (emotional support), I failed her too. I can't stop crying. I don't know what happened or what caused this because she does this thing where she bottles it up and let's it fester until SHE can't take it anymore.

I can't . I have no job, I haven't even applied to the trade school I've been wanting to attend, I can't drive, I have no way of leaving. I don't even know if I WANT to leave. I can't just leave my brother here. I feel like I can't even trust myself enough due to my disabilities to be able to take care of myself on my own, and I never want to put that burden on anyone else, such as a roommate.

I'm at a complete loss. The one thing she could've done was stop talking about her emotional issues and stop venting to me and her literal pre-teen child, but instead she's cutting off all emotional attachment. I told her that when we do hang out, it means a lot to me. She quickly shut that down and said it's only fun for us because it's stuff WE want to do. But she loves playing video games, and we go out with her whenever she's shopping for home products or whatnot. I try to indulge in her interests and I watch the videos she shows me.

I don't know what the hell I'm doing wrong and if it's me. I feel like she's trying to make me miserable in any way she can and I just want to disappear. I can't do this anymore, I can only take so much. She gave me a panic attack this Wednesday because she described such an awful video in explicit detail I couldn't handle it that day. She's constantly dumping everything and anything she can on me and now I feel like it's my fault. I need help. I'm stuck.

Hi all. A bit nervous right now. So I think I have a UTI which I started antibiotics for today, but now I'm getting flank pain on my right side. It's not sharp pain and it isn't excruciating, but it's achey and annoying and slightly getting worse.

How do I know if it's a UTI or kidney infection?? I know it's hard to tell since everyone's bodies are different but I just want to know what to look out for in case if it is a kidney infection. I'm gonna try and see if I can take myself to the doctor when I can. I'm just really freaked out since I know people can die from kidney infections. If you couldn't tell I have anxiety LMAO

But seriously I just wanna hear some advice. I've had UTIs before but never had any flank pain. Other than the pain, there's nothing else bothering me. Also, I'm currently on my period, if that means anything.

Thank you^^