u/strawberryjam255

I hate the term modesty and how morality is tied to how much of your skin is visible. I feel far more objectified and sexualised by covering every inch of my body than if I were to wear a crop top and shorts, because of the expectation there is to cover. Women's bodies are treated like sexual objects rather than normal human bodies like men's are. The traditional Islamic definition of 'modesty' is so extreme and I can't understand why the vast majority of muslim women think their hair, arms and legs and sometimes even hands and feet are considered sexual. I'll never be able to get behind this idea. Every time I'm surrounded by muslims I instantly feel self conscious and like I'm dressed inappropriately no matter what I'm wearing. It feels so dehumanising and it's just not fair, men get to wear whatever they like and they have no concept of modesty.

I have been really struggling at home recently because in the past few months, my parents have really started to pressure me about marriage. In this time, I have started to have doubts about Islam, wearing the hijab, etc, so you can imagine that I don't feel ready to marry a conservative religious man.

I'm Arab and my parents are basically telling me that marriage is the only option for me. I'm not allowed to live on my own. I have to get married or else I will live with my family for the rest of my life.

I'm 23 years old and they are telling me that soon I will be too old for anybody to consider me, and that I'll regret it if I don't say yes to anybody now. I have also been told that women get looked down on if they're over 25 and unmarried, and that women aren't allowed to live alone in Islam. I have said I don't agree with this point, and they said I'm not allowed to pick and choose and I have to follow it no matter what.

Because I have a bit of freedom to go out with friends, and I have gone abroad with a friend once, they see themselves as extremely reasonable and cannot understand why I feel controlled and limited. When I mentioned that I feel controlled my dad got extremely angry at me and threatened me, saying I'd see what would happen if I truly was controlled.

I have a successful career and I have been wanting to move outside of my city for a while now, because I can't find a job I'm interested in close to home, and I want to experience living independently. At home, my actions are monitored and criticised constantly, and it makes me feel frustrated and suffocated. Now, I feel extremely trapped having been told that I'm not allowed. I don't know what to do.

I don't want to get married right now. I have told them this but they are insistent, saying I'll regret it if I don't take these opportunities of men who want to meet me. I feel as though even after hours of explaining, they don't understand my perspective in the slightest.

Now I feel terrified. I don't know what's going to happen to me. I feel like they suspect I'm having doubts about islam because I've criticised our culture and they have accused me of following white people. I am scared I'm going to lose everything I've worked hard to give myself in life, and I'm going to be forced into a life I don't want.

As we were talking, I just felt like I have to get out of this house as soon as I can. But I don't know how. They won't give me their support, but how do I do it behind their back? And if I do, that means I'll be losing them forever. I'm really struggling, this is affecting me mentally so badly to the point where I feel suicidal over it and my first instinct is to self harm in some way. I can't continue to live like this and I don't want to do it anymore.

Ever since I first experimented with not wearing a hijab, I suddenly feel like I've been radicalised into a whole new outlook on life. I almost can't believe I ever accepted the concept of hijab. I genuinely believe it was just extreme conditioning for a young age, I don't feel like I ever believed in it in a spiritual way. I actually used to feel superior to girls who would wear it "improperly" and now I can't believe I ever viewed a piece of fabric in that way. I don't know if this is just me going in the extreme opposite direction, but I now don't believe it can be empowering in any way. How can it be, when men don't have even nearly the same restrictions? When I hear women talking about modesty, I feel repulsed. How can you tie your self worth to how much of your body is covered? I think it's ridiculous. It's like I'm on the outside, watching everyone be in the same trance I was in. I used to think it was morally wrong to wear jeans without a long top, post selfies on social media, show a bit of my arm, etc. Now I feel like a completely different person, and I feel like I was brainwashed all that time. I don't know how to navigate these thoughts and feelings, given that every single person in my life repeats those views to me. I feel like I'm being looked at as some sort of prostitute for wearing revealing clothes inside my own house. I don't think there's anything morally wrong with wanting to dress nice and look good, it doesn't make me slutty or male centred. But everyone around me seems to think so.

Edit - omllll how are these women acting better than those who don't cover like bro PLEASE get a life and some more self worth. I literally commented on a tiktok saying thay we should free ourselves from the concept of modesty and immodesty and these girls are coming atttt me like I just insulted their whole bloodline. If other women being uncovered offends you so much have you ever stopped to think why that is? It honestly infuriates me so much, I wish they would open their eyes.

Qualified summer 25, recently started a community pharmacist role. I feel incompetent for this job. I can't keep up with checking no matter how fast I work, and it's making me feel horrible about myself. The work bench is always cluttered with baskets piling up. I don't know what to do as I know most other pharmacists don't have this issue, especially as my branch only does 7k items a month. I don't think I'm checking slow either. I'm going as fast as I can, to the point where I think it's dangerous as I'm not even clinical screening. I did my pre reg in hospital and this job I've been in for about 6 weeks now. What do I even do? Shall I just give up and avoid community from now on?