u/sxkoria — reddlx

How do you survive?

I have a very long list of things I was being treated for, the short story is just for so long I've realized there's no logical reason for me to continue living and being stuck here against my will feels like I'm constantly being assulted and it gets so bad at times I will start scratching the skin off my face. I have no family or friends, and I have a partner that's been trying to take care of me. I haven't had work in over a year and the idea of working just to make money to contribute to living like this makes me feel horrible, but I have no choice but to try and find work because money is so tight right now. When I was receiving treatment it didn't work, and now I can't afford to start back up to find something that works. I've been denied disability because of the paper work. I tried going through state services to get a job but the process will involve me being back on a working treatment plan before they help with employment, I don't have the time or money go through with their program. To add to everything I don't have my own transportation because my car broke down before I became too unwell to work so any job I look into has to be within a certain distance and pay a certain amount to justify paying for a ride with there being no public transportation. And if we really want to add to everything I can feel that my partner no longer loves me the same, they've refused to leave me when I begged them to, they are actually the only reason I'm alive because they made the phone call that saved me, but ever since then I've started becoming more of a pet to them, I get the bare minimum attention, there's no more intimacy and I've caught them lying to me. My entire life exists sitting on my laptop, not even doing anything most of the time, just sitting at my desk from the moment I wake up until I go to bed. I'm trying to be better but I have no idea what to do because it feels like there's just nothing to fight for. Why am I wrong for not wanting to live like this?

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u/sxkoria — 2 days ago

▲ 1 r/mentalhealth

Hi everyone, I've been out of work for a while now due to a long list of mental health struggles and my amazing human of a partner has taken it all on being the main bread winner while I've tried to make anything of my side projects (I make jewelry and other craft related fun stuff along with digital art, photography and content creation) I've maybe made enough money to buy lunch. I was denied disability the first time I applied, and now I've made an appointment with DHHS for a disability work assessment. I don't want to break rule 7, so I won't list all of my impulsions, but they are bad against myself, my surroundings, and anyone I deem as an enemy. I need these disability people to take me seriously so I can get work accommodations at a low stress environment or them to realize I'm too much of a danger WITHOUT GETTING LOCKED UP!!! I'm so worried that I'm going to be honest with this lady and she's going to get me put on a hold, my partner will be on a work trip, if I get locked up my animals will die at home because no one will be there to feed or water them, not to mention if I ever get put on another forced hold I will rule 7 every single person that trys so I would like to avoid having to use force to defend my freedom to not get locked up in the basement of the worst rated hospital in my state again. ☠️

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u/sxkoria — 3 months ago

▲ 4 r/BurlingtonNC

Howdy community, I'll start by saying I've already contacted DHHS for whatever information they provide because there isn't much I can find just Googling. I've been out of work for a while due to a fun string of mental disabilities and have failed at getting any kind of assistance. My partner has had to take on everything and I just want to be able to contribute but my side hustles all fall flat (photography, art selling, content creation) and I'm at the point where I just want to walk down to the Haw River Bypass (closest major road) and beg! So I'm reaching out to see if there's anyone here that has information, has struggled with the same thing, or even if there someone on here hiring for an employee that will give it they're all, it's just that all I've got now is close to bare minimum.

I was receiving treatment for BPD, PTSD, Bipolar, Anxiety, Depression and Schizoaffective before treatment became unaffordable, so now I'm fully unmedicated. I know in the wrong setting that it will be a danger to myself and other people but does that mean I deserve to just give up and end it all??? High-school educated, some college, background in retail, commercial cleaning and food service, I was a lead/manager at most of my past jobs. And I'm including a picture because what you see is what you get. Thanks!

Edit 1: Thank everyone so far for the kind words 🙏🏻 it's encouraging to hear from others in the same situation, FUN FACT the NCDHSS link to email Burlington is incorrect!! I had to call and she told me that was not anyone there's contact information, so that's fun for people that may only be able to send an email during the day! Anyway after she made the process sound impossible because virtual treatment doesn't always provide documentation I was able to get a meeting for next month! I'm still open to hearing what's out there and first hand experiences. One important thing to add is that the main accommodation I will require is to just not be fired when I wake up fully ready to put a bullet in my mouth (don't worry too much I don't own a gun) a "10 strikes and your out" policy does not work for someone that might have to spend a week locked up at ARMC in a room that's never going to be paid for LMAO.

u/sxkoria — 3 months ago