Title: Almost 40, still searching for marriage, and mentally exhausted
Assalamu Alaikum everyone,
I’m a British Pakistani Muslim brother approaching 40, and I wanted to share something that’s been weighing heavily on my mind.
I’ve been trying to find someone for marriage for years now, and it’s honestly becoming emotionally exhausting.
I’ve had introductions, conversations that seemed promising, plans that fell through, and situations where things simply didn’t work out.
Recently, I spent weeks getting to know someone, only to realise after meeting that the compatibility and attraction weren’t there.
Nobody necessarily did anything wrong. Sometimes things just don’t work out.
But what people don’t always understand is how emotionally draining it becomes when you’re repeatedly starting from square one.
You see people around you getting married, settling down, having children and building families. You’re genuinely happy for them, but somewhere inside, you wonder when your own chapter will begin.
I know everything happens according to Allah’s decree. I believe in qadr, and I know that what is written for us will never miss us.
But I also think it’s important to acknowledge that having tawakkul doesn’t mean you never feel disappointed, lonely or exhausted.
I have a lot to be grateful for, Alhamdulillah, especially my parents, my faith and the blessings in my life. But the desire for companionship, marriage and building a family is still there.
Some days I feel hopeful. Other days, the thought of starting another conversation and going through the same process again feels overwhelming.
I’m not posting this to complain about anyone or seek sympathy. I suppose I just wanted to express something I’ve been carrying for a long time.
For those who married later in life, or are still searching in their late 30s and 40s, how do you manage the emotional exhaustion and repeated disappointments while maintaining hope and tawakkul?
JazakAllah Khair for reading. May Allah make things easy for everyone searching for a righteous spouse. Ameen.