r/IslamicNikah

Assalamu Alaikum everyone,

I’m a British Pakistani Muslim brother approaching 40, and I wanted to share something that’s been weighing heavily on my mind.

I’ve been trying to find someone for marriage for years now, and it’s honestly becoming emotionally exhausting.

I’ve had introductions, conversations that seemed promising, plans that fell through, and situations where things simply didn’t work out.

Recently, I spent weeks getting to know someone, only to realise after meeting that the compatibility and attraction weren’t there.
Nobody necessarily did anything wrong. Sometimes things just don’t work out.

But what people don’t always understand is how emotionally draining it becomes when you’re repeatedly starting from square one.

You see people around you getting married, settling down, having children and building families. You’re genuinely happy for them, but somewhere inside, you wonder when your own chapter will begin.

I know everything happens according to Allah’s decree. I believe in qadr, and I know that what is written for us will never miss us.
But I also think it’s important to acknowledge that having tawakkul doesn’t mean you never feel disappointed, lonely or exhausted.

I have a lot to be grateful for, Alhamdulillah, especially my parents, my faith and the blessings in my life. But the desire for companionship, marriage and building a family is still there.
Some days I feel hopeful. Other days, the thought of starting another conversation and going through the same process again feels overwhelming.

I’m not posting this to complain about anyone or seek sympathy. I suppose I just wanted to express something I’ve been carrying for a long time.

For those who married later in life, or are still searching in their late 30s and 40s, how do you manage the emotional exhaustion and repeated disappointments while maintaining hope and tawakkul?
JazakAllah Khair for reading. May Allah make things easy for everyone searching for a righteous spouse. Ameen.

I've been on alot of subreddits but there is no structure to the marriage profiles at all like you post and after a few days the post is old and people are hesitant to approach and I've noticed that the flairs are not that specific like what if you wanna filter out by age? And most of the posts miss out on crucial information and you have people skip through your genuine posts. So I figured out a way to background check the accounts eg: No nsfw accounts allowed and then accounts are approved.

You can filter out by age,divorced or divorced with kids,revert and even location in detail

r/HayaMatches i hope this genuinely helps people I will be actively involved in making the subreddit the best it can be and taking suggestions too.

[supprimé]

My sister is 25, a practicing Muslimah who’s down-to-earth, kind, and easy to get along with. She’s looking for a genuine, hardworking brother who’s serious about marriage and wants to build something real. She’s modest, family-oriented, and just wants a good guy who has his priorities straight. If that sounds like you, feel free to message.

What comes to your mind when you hear the word "hypergamy?" I can bet you what clouds your mind is that, hypergamy means all women are cheaters and they will "cheat" on you in no time with the next "High value man" they see, no matter how long you two were together for. But no, that's not what hypergamy is.

Hypergamy is when women find a good match, she will still delay and see if she can do better or attract a even higher value man. Or, if she found a good match, she will monkey branch to a potential higher value male, while she's "with" you. Remember gentleman, while she's with you, her subconscious mind is always telling her that she can do "better" than this, and she will be on the constant lookout for a "better" guy. You shouldn't be surprised, as this is in her natural biology.

But is she really on the "constant" lookout 24/7 for a "better" guy than you? The answer is No. So, what is “hypergamy”, really? Hypergamy = a woman can only sustain attraction to one man at once. Either it’s you, or it isn’t. If it isn’t you, hypergamy will make her cheat (it can be physically or emotionally with someone) with him on your marriage bed and can make her do other ridiculous things which you often hear, when it comes to women cheating on their current husband or LTR, no matter how long they were together for, or how many kids they had together.

Hypergamy is the reason, and it’s much talked about, but rarely understood. Most people think it just means “women are cheaters with an inherent tendency to trade up”. If you think that, you missed the whole point. Hypergamy actually happens because women are monogamous, and men aren’t.

Hypergamy means that women would rather go home alone, than with the second place winner. This is monogamy. When a woman sees a man she desires, she is loyal to him until the moment she sees someone else she desires more… then she becomes monogamous to that man instead. Hypergamy makes women disloyal… or loyal. Depending on you. Because women are loyal to the man they desire the most.

That may not sound much like loyalty to you, but her brain does not have a slot in it that says “husband." There is no basic neural encoding of who a woman’s socially or legally expected partner is. There is simply who she is attracted to, or isn't, and women are attracted to only one man at once. Men? Well, not so much. Almost any man will cheat with a less attractive woman, solely for variety’s sake but he'll still take care of his main as she's his first. When men want a second wife or something like that, it's not that he has lost attraction to his first, rather it's for variety's sake as men are naturally polygamous. Great example is of the Sahabas RA.

Majority of the Sahabas RA had more than one wife. Women on the other hand? She's in "love" with you, until... she isn't. And when a woman loses all the "feelings" she had for you, you won't know it until one day the "divorce" talk comes out of nowhere and she had it all "planned" out, while you on the other hand didn't see the signs all along because you weren't prepared for it or expect it. That's what happens to a good portion of men, and that's why men are far more likely to be hurt as statistics show because they didn't expect it, until one day it suddenly happens and then they're all in shock trying to grasp where it all went wrong, while his current ex already has the attorney and her back-up guy all planned out, while him? He's still in the state of shock.

This is why men are allowed to have multiple wives, and women aren’t allowed to have multiple husbands. Because women’s nature demands it be so. If a man decides to get a 2nd wife, the first may be angry indeed, but if she was still attracted to him before he married the second, she will still be after him, and the same is true of him to her. But if she ever cheats on him, that relationship is dead… because if it wasn’t, the other man never even would have been visible to her at all. That's why you should never forgive a cheating woman.

Now coming back to hypergamy, women have a corresponding biological drive to have relations with the highest quality man they possibly can, and to gain exclusive commitment from that man. She will never be exclusively happy with you, as there will always be someone better out there. There will always be a better man than you, whether he has the better car, height, status, physique, money, or anything. Her subconscious mind is always telling her this no matter how "happy" she's with you in the present moment. Women either "love" you for how you make them "feel" in the current moment (the emotional rollercoaster), or what you do for them. That's all it comes down to.

Why are more than 80 percent of divorces initiated by women? Yes, these are the statistics, you can search them up yourself. It's because she has found someone "better" or she has lost all the attraction to the man she was with, and she now wants to go back to being single and see what's the "best" she can do. It all comes back to the same thing which is, many women keep on making the wrong choices time and time, and realizing when it's too late for them. Why is this the case?

Allah's Apostle SAW once said to a group of women : 'I have not seen any one more deficient in intelligence and religion than you. A cautious, sensible man could be led astray by some of you.' The women asked: 'O Allah's Apostle, what is deficient in our intelligence and religion?' He said: 'Is not the evidence of two women equal to the witness of one man?' They replied in the affirmative. He said: 'This is the deficiency of your intelligence' ... 'Isn't it true that a woman can neither pray nor fast during her menses?' The women replied in the affirmative. He said: 'This is the deficiency in your religion.'' (Saheeh Al Bukhari)

So you as a man, what can do you do to ensure that you don't get divorce r@pèd, and hurt? The only answer is marry back home and stay back home. Back home, there is only a very small chance a woman may cheat on you, because the laws are still on the Haqq, and society is still somewhat "based" over there. Here? The establishment gives women all the power in marriage, and society enables them to get away with whatever they had done without any consequences.

But is it a wise decision to move back home, just for the sake of marriage and trying to fit yourself in their culture after being raised up and having lived in the West all your life and leaving your friends, social circles, job, and the "great" standard of living you have here, compared to back homes? I personally don't think so. But do whatever you have to do, to fulfill your sèxual desires in a Halal way.

Some may go the more "extreme" route which is, they'll never marry and "try" to stay celibate all their life and "go their own way", when it comes to women. I personally don't believe this is the best option, as the natural urge of sèx will always be there and haunt you, and you won't be able to focus on your everyday things as your basic need of sèx and companionship is not fulfilled. But I don't blame you, as the Prophet PBUH has warned us, Good women are indeed rare.

Amr ibn al-‘Aas (may Allah be pleased with him) said, “Whilst we were with the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) on this mountain path, he said, “Look, can you see anything?” We said, “We see crows, and one of them stands out because its beak and feet are red”. The Messenger of Allaah (saw) said, “No women will enter Paradise except those who are as rare among them as this crow is among the others” [Ahmad, Sahih according to Albani in Silsilat al-Hadith as-Saheehah, 4/466, no. 1851]

Say you don't get what you want here regarding women, and if you chose to marry or not, and even if you married but weren't blessed with the rare good woman which you deeply desired and which the Hadeeth talks about, then worry not. As long as you stay patient, InshAllah, Allah SWT will bless you with many Hoor Ul Ayns in Jannah

And they'll be exactly what you wish for in a woman, and far better as it's in Jannah and the best part? It'll be Forever.

السلام عليكم؛ انا شاب عمري 25 سنة متوظف ومقتدر ماليا ومن عائلة غنية ولله الحمد، من تالي بدت فكرة الزواج تصير هاجس؛ ولله الحمد ربي أرشدني الى بيت مستعدين انهم يزوجوني بنتهم ذات ال 16 عام. ما رأيكم يا مجتمع ريديت؟

Im a mbbs dr, i was graduated from kemu.15 years old graduate. I got married and moves to south korea since. Since then i was totally devoted and dedicated to family . And was total house wife . He kept me isolated from community here in many ways. I slowly became introvert. He controlled over many little things. And now i wish to study and take a restart to my carrier. And i started study at home, whenever i get free time from house chores . And he said to me if you study or peruse your carrier , i will give you divorce. To how much extent is this fair / justified to say to me like that.

By the grace of God, I am handsome, financially well-off, and run my own business; I have a strong personality and a distinctive presence. I wish to marry a Russian Muslim woman who is God-fearing, so that we may build a peaceful Muslim family together.

Can anyone help me to find a good gairl?

I’m not asking my wife to cut off her parents or siblings. I understand maintaining family ties is important. My concern is that when she gets deeply involved in their problems and family politics, it affects her emotionally and eventually affects our marriage.
Her family has also made comments about my caste, income, lifestyle, etc. Her older sister has caused repeated problems between us. Eventually, my wife herself decided to block her sister after realizing how negatively the relationship was affecting our marriage. I did not force her to do it. I have actually told her that she could maintain basic salam/dua and polite contact without getting involved in her life or sharing our personal matters.
With her other siblings, I only want her to maintain normal contact while avoiding family drama, arguments, and unnecessary involvement. There was a period when she did this, and our marriage was much more peaceful.
I also don’t want to stop her from visiting her parents, although I sometimes prefer shorter visits because prolonged involvement seems to bring the same issues back.
My questions:
Can I ask her not to get involved in family disputes/politics?
Can I object when relatives repeatedly interfere in our marriage?
Can I ask for basic/polite contact with a sibling who has repeatedly caused problems?
Where is the line between protecting the marriage and controlling her family relationships?

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

**F, 19, Europe | Seeking a practicing husband, open to relocating anywhere**

## About me

I was born in Morocco and moved to Europe as a baby for medical treatment. Alhamdulillah, I'm healthy today. I'm in my second year of computer science engineering, and I love maths, history, politics, and of course programming.

I'm totally blind. It's never stopped me: I grew up learning everything I need to be independent, and I handle my studies and daily life without major problems. Growing up, I did piano, chess, judo, athletics, and swimming, and I'm planning to get back into running.

I come from a practicing, close-knit family. My parents have a healthy marriage, alhamdulillah, and I have younger sisters I adore. I'll be honest: I don't know how to cook yet, but I'm going to learn, insha'Allah.

## My deen

I love Islam in every sense, and I accept it fully as it is. I pray my five prayers, wear hijab, and hope to wear abaya and niqab one day. I don't smoke, drink, or go to parties, and I eat only halal.

I'm memorizing the Quran with daily hifz classes (2 juz so far), and like everyone, I struggle with consistency sometimes. I love tajweed. One of my dreams is praying Taraweeh with my husband and memorizing together. You don't need to be a hafiz; we can learn side by side.

My father isn't a sheikh, but he has read a great deal and shared much of that knowledge with me growing up, alhamdulillah.

## My plans

I'd like to do the nikah first and live together once I finish my degree: summer 2028 if I can do my final project remotely, otherwise June 2029. After that, I'm willing to relocate anywhere. Once we have children, I'd like to focus on our home, maybe working later on.

## What I'm looking for

- A practicing Muslim man, up to 30 years old.

- Someone who accepts my blindness fully, without pity and without being intimidated by it.

- A husband who is also my best friend: someone I love, laugh with, and grow with. Not a business arrangement.

- A man who takes his responsibilities as a husband seriously.

- Someone who cares about the Ummah and the cause of Al-Quds.

- Bonus, but not required: if you're into tech, we'll never run out of things to talk about.

## If you're interested

Send me a message with a short introduction: your age, where you live, your practice, what you do, how the timeline above works for you, and why you think we'd be compatible. Serious, marriage-minded men only. My wali will be involved early, insha'Allah.

JazakAllahu khairan for reading.

I'm recently make myself available in the matrimonial app yh . I continue to get proposal from girl's parents and sometimes from the girls themselves.

I usually get just a *"*Hi, I liked your profile and stuff "or

"Hi lets get to know each other first " - something like these .

But I usually respond like

Hey 👋, Salam or nice to meet you , I'm looking for deen , character ,playful , looks and other aspects i mentioned in ma profile . Hope that's okay . If you're comfortable ,i have given you the photo request. We can take things forward once I'm good too .

Is this like too much sisters , Id like to be strict on this cuz I don't want to waste anybody time . But being like is not attracting anyone.

If this is bad , how shd I go about it .

Kinda looking for advice/ hope, kinda just getting it off my chest.

Background info: I am a 24y/o, my parents have lived away from our home country since we were very young and so we were brought up away from “home” so naturally we have a different approach to the world. Up until I had to move from university we had lived in the Middle East and then I moved to Europe alone to pursue my education.

Here’s the thing, I always knew there’s a price to pay no matter which path I picked. I knew being away from family, emotional stability, adopting a “strong independent woman” lifestyle etc etc will be the price of moving abroad alone.
WHAT I DIDN’T KNOW is how much that would affect other peoples perspective on whether I’m a “good match” or not. I’m looking to get married and the amount of times the fact that I live alone AND in Europe has been a dealbreaker is quite surprising. Even if they’re comfortable/happy with my level of modesty and my religiousness etc etc. the fact that I live alone always weighs heavily on the conversation. These are mostly men/families of men who live in the MENA region but also not in their home countries.

And while I’m sure there’s men out there who also do live in Europe alone and take care of their deen, the majority of the ones I’ve come across have been a little too Europeanized/open minded for me and I genuinely have no idea where to find the others.

I’m kinda bummed and idk what to do