Have I been Rejected because I failed to keep up standards to her man,
The way he treats her and the peace he is (She said)
The way he pays her bills, feeds her nice, keeps her stress low

Have I been Rejected because I said I'm gonna marry a classical whore
The whore that I'll marry, the whore that'll cheat on me
The whore that'll do things behind my back to stab me and carry children of someone I won't ever know
and she failed to be this whore

Have I been rejected because I was filled with lust, trying to taste her everywhere we go
while her man respected her like a woman she was an sexual object to my sexual hunger
I wanted to taste every part of her and mark it as my territory

Have I been rejected for loving her too wide and deep
Where every man fears of having her, I choose only her even at my worst
Obsessed with everything of her, I was slowly becoming her

Have I been rejected cause I was the first one to make the move
to spell the three golden letters (I love you) to break the chain
to leave her first, to block her, to separate and disappear

Have I been rejected for spoiling her
To make her lie to her parents, to hide her neck from her man
I still remember her face when my lips intoxicated nicotine on hers

Have I been rejected cause I fell for someone who already had someone
The someone who was never sure for her but was sometimes there for her
The someone with government job and a RE 350 while I was unemployed

Have I been rejected cause she found me at last
The first one is always special they say
The unforgotten one in the bay

Have I been rejected cause I was compared
To her ex she can't forget, To her man best in everything
She knows love alone is not enough for her caring and bearing

Have I been rejected cause She was exploring
Searching for a better option she can find and she found me
The excitement, the adventure and the glory, ups and downs

Have I been rejected cause she was tested time and again
Every exams I took she failed
Except one, I think she loved me sometimes

Have I been rejected because I said I'm about to lose it all
The possessions, the holding, my consciousness and myself
and now think I was rejected cause, before all of this happened I lost her...

Than the love and the lover,
Than the loving and the feeling of being loved,
Than the longing and belonging,

It is The owning and ownership of love,
It is To be someone’s and make someone yours,
It is To stay with someone and keep someone,
It is To love the wilderness and become wild,
To fight for love and protect,
It is To be and being,

To Create and make memories,
To Share everything and everyone,
To unite and be one,
To remember every story and create new,
To visit places that’ll store pieces of love

The biggest thing is Unlove

unable to love again
People died in thirst
The addict collapsed
The houses burned
Successful people failed
Mother lost theirs sons and daughters
Brothers and sisters their siblings
Some pulled some pushed from the edge
Humans failed to unlove just after they loved

What comes after love

The only good thing that came out was words people couldn’t understand but feel like the words written were for them.

Words spilled like freshly broken ink pot
With ink of blood from the bleeding heart.
Stories written with downpour of past,
Present feels like survival island
With no sense of future
A storm of thoughts until the heart races and mind calms,

Then a moment of solace and nothing at all.
The other party butchered the loving heart.

The first Meet

One fine morning, I was rushing towards Retail Store cause it was public holiday and the cheap hotel where I used to buy cigarette and food was closed. I was walking towards the pavement on the streets of New Road to buy a cigarette and on the opposite side eye saw her, I didn’t know who she was, where she worked but our eyes met before us. We both kept on staring each other long till we crossed. Ugly dirty dress, no expensive clothes, no attractive thing in sight, dirty shoes but she saw these very eyes.

In between

Our eyes met several times in between, I find her staring long enough trying to see me whole. But when I look at her, her eyes sunken deep in the earth idk where they go but still she dares to look up at me once before she disappears. I’m always at the spot smoking and she always comes late rushing as if she always fails to catch the bus on time. If I’m not on spot, hiding a slight to see exactly from the point she watch me, I find her searching these very eyes.

These eyes

This is not the first time seeing someone craving these eyes. My first love said “You are the worst person but your eyes are the best in the world for me”

A villager aunty would kiss my cheeks, hug me tight and look straight in my eyes cause she finds my eyes idk how she used to describe, solace maybe.

& on the contrary the last post I made for whom, she fell for these eyes, her regret was “I wish I didn’t see those innocent eyes of yours.”

I meet people often wanting to stare long into my eyes, I meet people who start speaking even before I do, I meet people finding an excuse to speak to me, I meet people sharing pain every time they encounter me.

I don’t know my eyes, I use them to see but they know it’s worth something else. Will you want to see em?

I can’t believe the fact that
Once you were mine, glowing beauty with a shine
The period, time we used to meet from 6 to Nine
I still can’t believe you once were there
Video calls, a lot of text and daily diary to share

You stood there like a impending moon
Shining bright in the darkest of my night
Little did I knew, I’ll break you & tear you real soon
All to have you disappeared from my sight

I didn’t value your presence, treated you ordinary
but your absence is crushing my soul
I used you whole, I apologize for not telling you sorry

Everyday feels like a dawn since you are gone
No light in sight and nothing feels right
Now I want you back bet you can’t return
All that is left for me is to repent and mourn

Because something inside me has died and I can’t believe it. ✌️

There is no worse man in this world than the writer himself. I’ve heard my own mother repent herself
“Oh lord, what kind of Son have I brought to this world, wish I was infertile”

The Father who sacrificed all of his life just to make me cried and spelled, “I wish I had put you in the grave that I dug for you”

I’ve heard Sister ranting “ I wish I’d better had a sister than this weak asshole”

The one who loved me the most spoke in tormented voice full of tears “I wish I had never met you” and left.

The one who considered me brother for life texted, “I wish noone get brother like you not even my enemies”

I’ve heard friends saying,”esta sathi hunu vanda ta navakai jati”

My teacher left profession for a while, resigned from the school I studied. Heard he said, “I wish this kid had never joined this school”

My doctor wished I had died to suffer less

My Fortune Teller after looking at my chart wished I was never born.

I told this all to a girl and still she dared, dared to get close to this monster and left. I played with her soul and touched her body. The last thing she did was forgave me, prayed for me, said “I wish I hadn’t seen those innocent eyes of yours”

Nowadays even the mirror where I see my self wishes it had cracked other day every morning.

I know what you are feeling, a miserable life, the agony, the pain, the sorrow, the grief, the loneliness, the hopelessness but I’m too weak to end it. So I wish I had died earlier, A hundred times in a hundred ways.

Now after reading this I bet you’ll wish you hadn’t read this, also I double bet only the sadist will find a way down here. So I wish all your pain be transferred to my account on our mutual accord. So you won’t feel a thing to wish again so you’ll never wish to anyone. ✌️