Someone plz help me before I get any worse.
I can’t stop myself. I’ve lost all motivation. I’ve turned into a hedonistic pessimist. I drink energy drinks all the time and eat what I want when I want and however much I want. I’ve gained 50lbs in like 6 months. 170-225lbs. I’m 5’10. I used to be in great shape and have a decent outlook on life but something happened (idk what) and now Idgaf anymore. I can’t stress to you guys enough how literal I’m being. Apathy by definition is my experience in life for the last 6 months or so. Everyone sees it. Everyone is wondering and asking “what’s wrong” but I don’t fuckn know. Then of course me being the immature ahole I am…I get snappy with whoever is asking what’s wrong bc it reminds me of the horrible person ive been the past half year as well as reminds me of the fact that i have no idea why im being the way im being. If you strangers knew anything about me the first thing that would come to mind is you would know I have an answer/solution to everything. Not having an answer (especially a logical one) kills me inside. I know WHAT to do but I give up under the slightest stress. Eg Recently I was gonna begin a fast for a few days and within like 15 hours I said eff this and drank some coke. I get these random outbursts of motivation and I’m on top of the world but then everything comes crashing down. I legitimately feel hopeless at this point. Best way I can explain it is a midlife crisis but at 25 years old. Existential crisis I suppose. Maybe I should move out. (Yes I live with my g parents still but they said they like me being there. Honestly idk if this is good or bad for me).
I could go into more detail but I fear annoying or running you off. Thanks.