
Dear women, please do not use Sharia only when it suits you
I'm noticing an alarming tendency among Muslim women specifically in Pakistan that they've had half or incomplete exposure to true Sharia (thanks to one-sided tiktok or instagram content), and have developed opinions that are entirely un-Islamic and detached from dictates of taqwa.
For starters, a "rights-based" discourse is antithetical to Islamic adab anyhow. Fiqh is not a joke to be flung around, otherwise you are guilty of doing the same thing you blame our older generations (or men) of doing -- that they are using religion for their own ego only.
If you're truly sincere in your practice of deen, start with clarifying the intention:
The goal of studying fiqh is not to find rukhsa for yourself but to find the commandments of God, and whether you like them or not, to accept them and humble yourself before Allah's wisdom because He knows and we don't.
Once you set that intention, you will quickly notice the contradictions with the Muslim feminist narrative. For example:
It is the husband's right whether he allows his wife to work or not (unless agreed upon in advance but caveats there too), just as it is the wife's right that she be provided for to the best of the husband's ability.
It is the husband's right to take multiple wives, just as it is the wife's right to dissolve the marriage in that case (with prior agreement -- although apart from Hanbali school, all schools consider this an invalid condition since it prohibits something otherwise lawful).
It is the husband's right that he be obeyed ... and this is the smoking gun for a lot of women these days, partly because it has been misused by men of older generations and partly because women don't understand what "obedience" here actually means.
Regardless, I hope you can see that a "rights-centric" discourse produces nothing but defensiveness from both sides.
And that is how it is by design because these "boundaries" were designed for extreme cases. You are not supposed to lead with them. These come into effect when there are divorce proceedings or when the marriage has gone so far off the rails that there's no hope for a reasonable dialogue.
When you lead with a "me me me" dialogue, I'm sorry but it's not taqwa at the very least. Imagine if a man were to approach you and start with "How many times will we have sex in a week?". You'd call him a creep and move on. I feel the same about women who start by "I will require a completely separate accommodation and husband should provide everything it is my Islamic right!!". I get that. It is your right, but you're overstating your right vs the luxury that I will willingly provide. On a basis of pure "rights", a separate private quarter where no other family member can enter without permission and which has its bathroom fulfils the obligation but ofc you wouldn't want that.
All of this is to say that ...
Lead with ihsan, not fiqh.
You can ascertain someone's knowledge of fiqh by inquiring about what they believe are the rights of the spouses. If they have correct knowledge, then move on to assessing character and other things. Instead of getting hung up on "how dare you minimize my rights" ... you can do that, but then don't complain that you can't find good men because you ended up repelling all of them.
If you treat your prospective husband like an ATM, don't be surprised when they may treat you like a sex object.
Fiqh is the boundary, not the centre.
Start by what is good and just. Lead the conversation with ihsan and in due course set your boundaries. That is the proper adab of dealing in Sharia. Otherwise, you are exhibiting traits of the munafiqeen.
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P.S I would really appreciate if you don't try to make assumptions about what I want or can provide. It is another bad habit I'm noticing with women is that whenever a man even slightly disagrees with them, they resort to name-calling and slander. Know the punishment of slander in Islam and hold back your words. If you are curious about what my personal position is, just ask instead of assuming.