u/thatangelchimere

This is for someone dear to me and in fact the best things i have, i know its not a good trade but it is happy vals! please dm or comment if you're interested!

by any kind of goose i mean being fly or ride is just fine :,D

Fly and Ride Mermicorn!	For	ANY type of Strawberry Tort!!

Hello! Our system has recently become a lot more connected with our headspace and we're wanting to sort it properly, ideally id like to do small collages of what we envision small areas to look like and then pin a name above it, possibly a drop-down menu of those who stay there!

if anyone has any recommendations, please let us know!

to add, I also have BPD. (Along with things that certainly could relate but I'm not comfortable with sharing.)

I have been more than awful in my life. I have been cruel, while aware and otherwise. I've only gotten fully diagnosed with NPD a few months ago, though I've always assumed and presented as such.

I have had a very traumatic life, I will not get into the details though I will say it impacts how I live day to day and always will. I have extreme feelings of shame, guilt and disgust with myself. I always have, though, I hear so much about us being "evil", "abusers", "villains", that I just can't help but think maybe my abuse was a pre-order for all the wrong I've done. I will not only blame my NPD, of course, things that I've done, I did while self aware. I have been working towards self awareness for two years now (With BPD in mind) and now I am so much so that it hurts. Even still, I only see people shame us. I already feel so, so much shame. I cannot avoid it by not going online, as it feels everyone even face to face spreads stigma, sometimes even in normal conversation. Like, do I not exist to you? I doubt it, I doubt I do, I'm only an idea in your head, aren't I?

I cannot, ever, speak about these emotions and what they bring as it feels I'm only making others abuse about me, therefore being exactly what everyone says I am. What everyone fears.

I know I am not above them, so why do my thoughts try to pull me so below that I come out on top once more?

I am tired, I wish I wasn't myself, either, I'm not meant to be here regardless, so its only natural that I take from the world in the ways I do. I only wish to love, and I do, yet what to do when your love is tainted by your very being? I'm sorry for dirtying you, further, I'm sorry I ended up like this.