u/thebanger71

Apparently "Ok, but you gotta get over it" is not an appropriate thing quote to someone who is currently crying at their fathers funeral

...All over my lap while I'm driving

A man goes to the doctor to find out what ails him, after a check up the doctor prescribes him some pills, but warns that they are rather large and only come in a suppository.

"Just brace yourself, relax and have your wife shove it right up in one motion, I'll administer the first dose here and have your wife administer the next dose tomorrow morning"

The next morning comes and the man is getting ready to have his wife give him his next suppository. He gets in position and his wife gets the pill ready, she grabs his shoulder for a little bit of leverage and then boom, shoves the pill straight up.

"GOD DAMMIT" The man screams

"Oh my goodness, did I put it in the wrong way?" The wife asks

The man responds "No, its fine. I just realized the doctor had both his hands on my shoulders when he put the first pill in"

A foreign Oil Tycoons son gets accepted to Harvard, to prepare his son for life in a new country he shells out big money for a Tudor Style Mansion, and to get him to and from school he gets him a top of the line Rolls Royce.

On his first day of class he pulls up in his brand new Rolls Royce and immediately gets comments from his fellow students

"Amazing car, I took the bus to school, Im so jealous"

"Nice car, sure beats getting dropped off by your mom like I did"

Even one of his professors notices him in his class and says "Hey, I saw you pull up in a Rolls Royce. Maybe one day that'll be me, but I took the train in this morning"

At the end of the day the oil tycoon calls his son to ask about his first day at Harvard. His son responds "Dad it was amazing, just like its shown on TV but I felt a little uneasy since I came in a Rolls Royce but so many of my fellow students came in a bus, and even one of my professors came by train."

The dad responds "Ok, I've wired you $10 Million, please buy yourself a train to take to school to stop embarrassing this family"