u/thebanger71

A man finds a genie in a bottle who will grant him three wishes

Genie - "I will grant you three wishes but there are also three rules to these wishes. No wishing for dead people to come back to life. No wishing for the death of people who are currently alive and no wishing for more wishes."

Man - "I wish envelopes and stamps moaned when you licked them"

Genie - ".....................There are four rules"

Apparently "Ok, but you gotta get over it" is not an appropriate thing quote to someone who is currently crying at their fathers funeral

...All over my lap while I'm driving

A man goes to the doctor to find out what ails him, after a check up the doctor prescribes him some pills, but warns that they are rather large and only come in a suppository.

"Just brace yourself, relax and have your wife shove it right up in one motion, I'll administer the first dose here and have your wife administer the next dose tomorrow morning"

The next morning comes and the man is getting ready to have his wife give him his next suppository. He gets in position and his wife gets the pill ready, she grabs his shoulder for a little bit of leverage and then boom, shoves the pill straight up.

"GOD DAMMIT" The man screams

"Oh my goodness, did I put it in the wrong way?" The wife asks

The man responds "No, its fine. I just realized the doctor had both his hands on my shoulders when he put the first pill in"