Severe failure to launch 19 yr old
This will be long.....
My son is 19. He graduated in May, #474 out of 490 kids.
Since he was employable, he's had 2 jobs that lasted less than a month. Bad grades. He was never in any sports or clubs. His room was and is disgusting. He hardly helps with household chores. You have to ask him and when you do ask him, it's usually a massive argument. He does things half-ass so I make him do them again and again until they're correct. Like, that pot isn't even clean, wash it properly.
A cellphone was a privilege he never had 9-11th grade because he did nothing to earn it. MIL snuck him a phone behind husband's back last year. She is a whole other story. She's banned from my home and I haven't seen her in a year. My husband now realizes she is part of the problem.
My son has no plans for college, or trade school. He said he would get a job after graduation. We said ok. Weeks went by. He's going out all night, sleeping until 2-3pm, treating the house like a hotel and my kitchen like a restaurant. He also likes to eat more than his share of any food in "retaliation" for some past wrong he thinks you've committed against him. We gave him a "get a job by this date or you can't live here" speech.
Graduation gifts yielded $3k+, I gave him some of the money but held onto $2800 for a car because he will spend it. At the time he didn't have his license. No job. MIL had $4500 for a car for him. We told him repeatedly to get a job first, get a license and then we can help find a reasonable car. MIL was insisting he needed a car BEFORE a job. Keep in mind we have 25+ plus businesses within FEET of our home that he could walk to for employment. I reminded him he had 30 days to move out, he would cuss at me, tell me I'm creating an argument, blah blah disrespectful blah. But he finally got his license.
He started looking at cars with friends. He kept pestering us to hand over his money. He insisted he knew what he was doing, he didn't need our help buying a car. He said, "you guys don't even know anything about cars anyways." Ok big guy, here's your money. MIL gave him the $4500.
Remember our "get a job by XYZ date or you can't live here" speech? He didn't get a job. The day we told him he had 30 days to figure his shit out, he came home with a $5800 2014 BMW 328i turbo. Getting him to buy $500+/month car insurance was an 8+ hour ordeal I refused to participate in.
He asks husband if he could get a job and stay here. Husband reminds him we gave him that option and he never got a job therefore our consequences still apply.
Two days later, the BMW goes into limp mode. He ignores us when we tell him to stop driving it. A week after purchase, it won't start. Instead of taking it into a professional to diagnose the issue, which he had money for, him and his friends failed trying to fix the car. Another week goes by and he has the car for sale. I told him to check comps on that model, mileage, and the issue he thinks it has. He ignores me and impatiently sells the car as is for $1500 cash.
He asks husband if he buys a truck with his $1500, gets a job with a friend's dad working 26 hours a week, can he still live here?
For the last week, damn near daily, I have listened to him complain about losing his wallet, which has $1k in cash in it. He bribed his brother with $100 reward if he found his wallet. It took 5 seconds. The wallet was in his bed. Last night the older child stole the $50 that he rewarded his brother with.
MIL's SIL offered to buy him ANOTHER CAR. We said no.
A week before he was due to move out, I asked if he had looked for a job. "Why bother when I'm going to be homeless anyways?" Ok. I wrote down 6-7 resources that would be useful for a homeless 19 year old and handed it to him.
Yesterday, 4 days before his move out date, he's upstairs playing his brother's PS5, not a care in the world. I told him he needed to start packing. He says he is going to be homeless anyways and has nowhere to put his stuff. Husband washes all of his clothes so we can pack them and move them to the garage.
We asked why he let things go this far? He thought his one interview in 3 months was a guaranteed job. He claims he was talked into buying BMW by his friend. He didn't want a "shitty rusty" car to drive and wanted something cool. He needs a car to get a job. He didn't "have time" to sell the BMW for what it was worth. He will be homeless. Can he move in with Grandma, get a job and prove he can keep it and then move back in? He will have to spend $1k eating McDonald's everyday because we are abandoning him. What kind of parents throw their kid out with nothing? We are trying to get rid of him. He won't ever talk to us again. He won't be able to contact us anymore. He hopes we don't screw up our younger child.
I told him he chose all of this. He disagrees.
We don't want to kick him out. This keeps us up at night. But we know he has to go.