u/thisisKword

Salut tout le monde,
Mon copain et moi avons 19 ans tous les deux, et je suis actuellement enceinte. À cause de ça, nous avons commencé à réfléchir beaucoup plus sérieusement à l'idée de déménager dans notre propre logement et de nous assurer que nous pouvons réellement tout nous permettre une fois que le bébé arrivera.
Je travaille actuellement et je gagne environ 1 400 € par mois. Mon copain est toujours étudiant et reçoit actuellement environ 200 € par mois d'aide financière pour les étudiants, donc ensemble nous avons à peu près 1 600 € de revenus fixes par mois.
Nos parents sont au courant de notre situation et sont prêts à nous aider financièrement si nécessaire, surtout au début. Ils pourraient aussi potentiellement se porter garants pour un appartement. Donc, nous ne serions pas complètement seuls, mais je veux vraiment établir un budget qui nous permette de vivre sans dépendre constamment de nos parents.
Notre plus grande préoccupation en ce moment est de trouver un appartement.
Avec seulement 1 600 €/mois entre nous, j'ai peur que les propriétaires ou les agences de location nous refusent parce que nos revenus ne correspondent pas à trois fois le loyer, même si nous avons des garants financièrement stables. Nous chercherions évidemment quelque chose d'abordable et de réaliste, pas un appartement à 1 000 €/mois.
Pour ceux qui ont déjà vécu une situation similaire :
Quel loyer maximum considéreriez-vous comme raisonnable avec nos revenus ?
Des garants financièrement sûrs peuvent-ils compenser un revenu mensuel relativement bas ?
Aurions-nous plus de chances de louer directement à un propriétaire privé plutôt que par une agence ?
Y a-t-il des aides au logement ou des programmes à prendre en compte parce que nous attendons un bébé ?
Quelles aides financières devrions-nous rechercher en France, comme l'APL, les aides CAF, le bonus d'activité, les aides liées à la naissance, etc. ?
Combien d'argent recommanderiez-vous d'avoir économisé avant de déménager ?
De manière réaliste, combien devrions-nous budgétiser chaque mois pour un bébé pendant la première année ?
Pensez-vous que 1 600 €/mois + d'éventuelles aides + des parents prêts à nous aider en cas d'urgence peuvent être financièrement viables ?
Je sais que d'avoir un bébé si jeune n'est pas la situation financière la plus facile, et je ne m'attends pas à ce que quelqu'un me dise que tout ira magiquement bien. Je suis principalement à la recherche de conseils pratiques de personnes ayant vécu quelque chose de similaire.
J'aimerais particulièrement entendre parler de vos budgets, de vos dépenses imprévues, des erreurs que vous auriez aimé éviter, des choses que nous devrions acheter d'occasion plutôt que neuves, et de toutes les démarches administratives à entreprendre le plus tôt possible.
Mon objectif principal est de planifier autant que possible afin que notre bébé ait tout ce dont il a besoin et que nous puissions offrir un foyer stable.
Merci ❤️

I’m 19 years old, and not long ago I had a miscarriage. It happened after a cryptic pregnancy, so I didn’t even know I was pregnant until I lost the baby. I was almost three months pregnant.
Since then, something has completely changed in me. I have an incredibly intense desire to have a baby. It’s not just an occasional thought. It’s there almost all the time. I think about it every day, sometimes many times a day, and it’s becoming really difficult to cope with.
The hardest part is that I know this isn’t the right time. My boyfriend and I don’t even live together. We’re both still young, we aren’t in a stable enough situation, and I know that having a baby right now wouldn’t be the right decision.
But these feelings are stronger than I am. It feels like my heart and my mind are constantly fighting each other. Rationally, I know I should wait, but emotionally I feel an overwhelming sense of loss ever since the miscarriage.
I’m already seeing a psychologist and talking about it, so I do have professional support. Even so, these feelings haven’t gone away.
Has anyone else experienced this after a miscarriage, especially after a cryptic pregnancy? Does this overwhelming desire eventually get easier to live with? How did you cope with the loss and stop thinking about having a baby all the time?
Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this and reply.

I’m writing this because I need to get it off my chest. I’m not looking for sympathy or excuses. I just want to finally say it somewhere.
For context, I was a legal adult (I’m European), and he was one of the supervisors at my school. He was already in a long-term relationship.
It started with conversations. Then those conversations became part of my everyday life. We texted constantly. We told each other everything. We became emotionally dependent on each other in a way I didn’t even notice at first.
I fell completely in love with him.
We never kissed. We never had sex. We never crossed that line physically.
But emotionally… it felt like we already had.
We exchanged intimate photos. We talked about how much we wanted each other. We dreamed about impossible futures. We met secretly in his car just to talk for hours because that was the only place we could be together. I even went to his house once.
Everything was a secret.
Then one day, I opened Facebook.
That’s how I found out his girlfriend was pregnant.
Not from him.
From a Facebook post.
When I confronted him, he admitted he had hidden it from me because he was afraid I’d leave him if I knew.
I don’t think I’ll ever forget the feeling I had reading that post. It felt like someone had ripped the ground out from under me.
Eventually, everything fell apart.
There were arguments. Distance. Pain. We stopped being what we had been.
And yet…
Even after everything, I still miss him sometimes.
Not because I think what we had was healthy. Not because I think we should have ended up together.
I just miss the person who knew everything about me. The daily messages. The excitement of seeing his name appear on my phone. The feeling that someone understood me better than anyone else.
I know this relationship wasn’t built in the right circumstances.
I know people will probably judge both of us.
But my question is genuine:
How do you truly move on from someone who was never really yours, but somehow became such a huge part of your life?

Hi everyone,
I’d really like some outside perspectives because I honestly don’t know if I’m overreacting anymore.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about six months. At first, everything was great, but over time one of his friends has become a huge source of conflict in our relationship.
At first, I had nothing against his friend. Then I started noticing the way he behaved. He repeatedly disrespected me, made misogynistic, racist, and offensive comments, and even made disrespectful remarks about my late father. That was the point where I felt he had crossed every possible line.
I told my boyfriend that I couldn’t understand how he could continue being friends with someone who had treated me like that.
His response was that he didn’t want to stop talking to him.
That was the moment something broke inside me.
What hurts the most isn’t even his friend anymore. It’s the fact that my boyfriend chose to keep that friendship despite knowing how much pain it causes me. It makes me feel like our relationship comes second.
There are also lots of smaller things that have built up over time.
For example, when we’re arguing over text for hours, he’ll ignore what I’m saying but still send me TikToks as if nothing is happening. It makes me feel like my feelings aren’t being taken seriously.
Whenever I try to explain why I’m hurt, he’ll sometimes change the subject or completely miss the point of what I’m saying. I often feel like I’m talking to a wall.
I also found out that he had minimized some of his friend’s behavior when talking about it to other people, which made me feel even more invalidated.
Eventually, I told him that if this friendship mattered more to him than our relationship, then maybe we should break up. He started crying. That really affected me because I genuinely love him, but at the same time I couldn’t stop thinking: why cry at the idea of losing me if you’re still unwilling to take even a small step away from someone who has hurt me so deeply?
Now I’m completely lost.
I love him so much. I even went against part of my own family to be with him. I pictured a future with him. But ever since all of this happened, I don’t feel truly happy in the relationship anymore.
I’m not asking him to choose me over every friend he has. I’m asking whether it’s normal to continue a close friendship with someone who has repeatedly disrespected your partner and caused them so much pain.
Am I asking for too much?
Would you stay with someone who continued to be close friends with a person who treated you this way?
I’d really appreciate honest opinions, even if you disagree with me.

TL;DR: My boyfriend refuses to distance himself from a friend who repeatedly disrespected me, made racist and misogynistic comments, and even disrespected my late father. Am I asking too much for wanting him to prioritize our relationship?