u/throwRA10-0000

A lot people like to use this as a reason as to why Islam is “oppressive” to women but what’s actually oppressive is the parent getting to decide who gets what. Other religions parent can decide to completely leave out one of their children out of their will, whereas Islam says women must get their fair share and if a parent makes a will to deliberately leave out any child for no islamically legitimate reason(such as apostasy) they will go to the grave with that sin on them. Also Islam teaches you are not allowed to dispense all your wealth to charity.

Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqas (may Allah be pleased with him) was severely ill and asked the Prophet if he could give away all of his wealth in charity. The Prophet said, "No." Sa’d asked, "Then half of it?" The Prophet again said, "No." Sa’d then suggested, "Then one-third?" The Prophet replied, "Yes, one-third, and one-third is a lot. It is better to leave your heirs wealthy than to leave them poor, begging from others."

So even giving 1/3 of your wealth is considered a lot but it was allowed, but it’s better to give it to your family.

So a Christian can single out one of his sons and leave his daughter with nothing. A Christian may even decide to leave nothing for his family and give it all away to someone else. That is not justice.

Not to mention, in the Old Testament, if any sons were alive, the sons get inheritance and the daughters get ZERO inheritance. If a Christian ever tries to convince you Islam is unfair because it gives the daughter half of what the son gets and that it should be equal, tell them their own Bible commands daughters get nothing if there is even 1 son.

There are also some situations where inheritance is larger for the women than the man for example a full sister vs a maternal brother the sister gets more, or when left with a father and a daughter, the daughter gets more. Yes the wife gets 1/8 inheritance while the sons and daughters get more, however sons and daughters are Islamically obligated to help the mother if she needs financial assistance and it is of good character to help the mother beyond her needs. My husband and his family gave all their shares to their mother because she is in need of financial assistance. If you raise your children well, they will honor you as you grow old.

I know this is a very random question and I hear multiple thing about how the media portrays them falsely but I’m confused as to whether that’s how Islam can be represented or not. I’m careful and don’t want to say something out of ignorance, but why is the state of Afghanistan the way it is? Some things like leaving the house or learning in school or working aren’t inherently haram but is that not allowed for women in Afghanistan?

Also things like wearing the burqa, I know in Islam modesty is mandatory for women and niqab is the majority opinion. But I feel like I wouldn’t know how to handle that especially because I’m not as religious as I’d like to be and my hijab isn’t 100% perfect. What’s our perspective on the taliban as Muslims? If someone asks me my perspective on that, what do I say as a Muslim? If this is the truly the correct application of Islam, I would accept that of course as a Muslim. I know in Islam the ruler is allowed to apply punishment (ta’zeer) for sins that don’t have a hadd or aren’t mentioned to have specific worldly punishments. That sounds a bit scary because I don’t wear perfect hijab so I’d be scared to be punished for it.

I feel horrible that I feel so much more comfortable living in the west or somewhere like UAE or saudia arabia. Please excuse any ignorance, I have but I’ve been asked about this and I didn’t know how to answer

I often see men say “don’t lay a hand on your wife don’t get a second wife don’t do this or that” and the reasoning behind it is.. the law of the land? Them saying that, doesn’t that help the narrative of the kafirs saying Muslims don’t treat women well? It’s just strange to me. Let’s get the whole halal / haram thing out of play, yes some actions may be halal for example marrying a second wife or whatever but genuine Muslim women (at least me) don’t want to have to think “oh because this country follows kafir laws I don’t have it worry about my husband marrying again or my husband hitting me”

Like why can’t there be empathy? All these dawah guys obsessing with secret second wives and all this has been such a huge reason for my insecurity of it even before marriage I’ve been so scared of that. Maybe if we stop looking at the legal consequences of doing those actions and look at how it may affect your marriage we’d feel more safe. I saw a Muslim guy reacting to a woman saying “if you’re a housewife save up backup money” and his response was “make sure you have a backup wife” and then we have guys saying not to hit your wife . Why? Because Islam says to treat your wife well? Wrong, because your wife might call the police on you. I don’t understand why we are looked at as so evil for basic things like that. Apparently saving money while married as a woman means you’re preparing for divorce when in reality no one knows what will happen. Maybe a woman doesn’t want to use kafir laws and take 50% of your assets so she wants her own money because what happens if god forbid a husband dies or divorces her or cant give her kids? I’m not one who’s crazy about career women who put off marriage for their career but I can understand why women are so hesitant to marry because you really don’t know who you’re marrying all the time.

It also seems like men also tend to pick and choose sometimes. Like they say lying to your wife about getting a second wife is halal but lying about your past as a woman makes her evil. Even though Islam explicitly says to hide all your sins but never explicitly says hide your halal second wife. None of this is personally about me Alhamdulilah but u notice this hypocrisy among some men and I’m not one to take sides I’ll call out things women do as well.

It just seems strange. I’m not a feminist I’m 100% against feminism but I’m really not surprised that feminism exists. It doesn’t seem like men were treating women amazing then all of a sudden this feminism nonsense came into play. It seems like women use feminism as a defense nowadays because some men are unreasonable but unfortunately women fail to realize feminism is definitely not the answer. But then again men are assuming anything that is in favor of a woman despite is being halal means she’s a feminist, even if a woman says she wants to do something like save money and work she’s called a feminist for that.

I’m 18 weeks. I only threw up once but nausea was pretty much daily till week 13-14. Now I’m week 18 and am starting to feel better. I had 4 days this week where I felt great! So productive and happy , even started exercising and doing cardio which I haven’t done in a long time. Then yesterday, nauseous all day. Literally useless the whole entire day. I don’t like being like this. I love feeling productive and I hate how lazy I am especially since I struggle with ADHD. I take adhd medication, low dose, but not everyday but I know that isn’t the reason because some of the days I felt good whether I took it or not.

I took my adhd medication yesterday and today and I’ve been useless. Yesterday just nausea all day. This morning , I took unisom and went back to sleep and woke up at 2pm. I took my adhd medication, and I don’t know I just didn’t feel good. I ate a burger and it made me feel weird. Then later in the day I started feeling nauseous. Took unisom again. Then had heartburn for a few hours then now I’m good. How convenient I start to feel better at night. But I still feel a bit sleepy from the unisom. I don’t drink much caffeine as it makes me anxious . I try to drink water but that makes me feel sick as well. Unisom helps best with nausea, zofran hurts my stomach.

I’ve always been a major procrastinator and in my own way, lazy with certain things.. but my whole life despite being “lazy” and unorganized, I went to school, worked 7 days a week, and was addicted to the gym, was just very active and disciplined so my “laziness” and disorganization had an excuse. I was never dirty but just really messy. Since I got married my discipline declined slowly. I hate my self for being lazy. I don’t like my excuses of feeling nauseous or tired or sleepy or feeling “off”. I was so happy to feel more motivated, then I’m back to square one. I feel bad being like this while my husband works hard.

He’s very understanding but I don’t care I don’t like my self like this and I feel bad. I didn’t cook for him yesterday or today (I’m a stay at home wife) and I don’t like this about myself at all. Yes I know pregnancy is my excuse but I don’t feel like it’s enough. I feel like a big part of it is just my lack of discipline. 70% of women work while pregnant and here I am complaining while being home all day. I hate myself and I don’t know what to do anymore.

I’m a sister, mid 20s. I’ve always had a hard time with this and I don’t know how to fix it. I’ve given up some sins I used to do, Ive started covering better since i met my husband, I pray my salah but occasionally I miss fajr/isha because I fall asleep and my alarm doesn’t wake me (but it’s been becoming more common unfortunately) and procrastinate. But when I pray I don’t feel much. When I hear Quran I know it’s good and I know it’s the word of Allah but I don’t feel connected. I just know if I miss salah I feel bad like I’m losing myself.

I sometimes start habits like reading more Quran or something but then I fall off. My husband is more religious and more passionate and I want his help and he would help but I also need to learn on my own. It’s not just a matter of just doing the actions I’m struggling with, but it’s also that “feeling” or “spark” of DEEPLY realizing the truth that makes you wanna do more. Like yes I believe in Islam Alhamdulilah but I wanna feel my belief in addition in doing the actions.

I sometimes struggle with waswas with difficult topics, for example, regarding polygyny. I fully accept it as halal and see the wisdom in it, but before and after marriage I made it clear I personally did not want my husband to marry again, and he fully agreed. After marriage, he betrayed me in a haram way during a very stressful period in his life. It started before our wedding, post nikkah, at his first major job which he needed to get married and provide for me. It started as an emotional affair and became physical/sexual, though I believe he did not commit full zina despite the other woman pushing for it. Before I found out, I noticed he was suddenly desperate to leave his job and that whole area, which I later realized was because he wanted to get away from her.

This caused major trust issues and fears that he might marry again someday since it’s halal, even though I genuinely do not think he ever planned to marry her. He has reassured me many times that he does not want a second wife and does not seem like the type to get a second wife. I do not think he is a bad person. The affair happened during the worst period of our marriage, when he was miserable at that job, financially stressed from us getting married, and was neglecting me. Finding out it started about a month before our wedding hurt deeply. I found out 4 months later since our wedding. But before that period he was genuinely good to me, and the past 2 years he has completely changed. We rebuilt our relationship and are now in a much better place. But of course it still scares me especially seeing men encourage secret wives. I accept polygyny and see the wisdom but that’s one example of something I struggle with.

I get waswas about other things too. I think my social media use needs to be reduced especially things saying and things about Islam astughfirallah. I really wanna increase my iman as these waswas thoughts scare me especially because of kufr.

I don’t know if this is the appropriate sub, but I really want to be a better Muslim and be more connected to Islam. I’m also having a baby soon Alhamdulilah and I want to be a good example and be eager to teach them about Islam. I’m so blessed. Despite the difficulty I went thru with my husband, Allah gave me a kind, generous, and patient husband. I can’t forget about all the good my husband has done especially when he’s completely changed and I need to realize the blessings Allah has given me. I’ve seen bad men and it makes me thankful for what Allah gave me. He wants me to be a better Muslim too but I also wanna be sure I do it for Allah. What can I do to start small and start feeling more connected? I wanna force myself to do it even if I feel bored or lazy but I wanna eventually get that connection and passion. I don’t feel like I’m a good Muslim. I don’t know how to change. I always start then fall off and I’m worried I will never improve.

I think it’s a little funny when a woman says “50k or 100k mehr minimum” or a man says “$1k max” and it just enrages the opposite gender. Like why are u letting yourselves get so worked up? a man wants his mehr to be $1k? Okay good luck finding someone. A woman wants $100k mehr? Again, good luck finding someone. I just laugh when I see these posts on social media because people just get so mad.

Realistically we all know an average man and average woman who really want to get married will settle for a reasonable amount. In my opinion this can range from. $5k-$25k usd depending on the man’s situation. So if a man isn’t willing to pay more than your minimum, okay move on. Don’t string him along. If a woman isn’t willing to reduce to a reasonable amount you’re able to afford, okay move on.

Men, don’t marry a woman who’s only fixated on a large unreasonable amount like $50k. Either she’s materialistic or she comes from a rich family. And women, don’t marry someone who completely refusing to pay a reasonable normal amount like $10k. Chances are he’s either stingy or unable to provide for your lifestyle. This whole thing between men and women is so ridiculous and you’re letting these people get you mad. Some people just say this TO get the opposite gender mad lol

Around 200 years ago the age of consent was 7-10 in the United States , now it’s 16. What does that tell you? The maturity of women has changed drastically over the years. Now imagine 1400 years ago? On top of that no one criticized the prophet peace be upon him about marrying Aisha. On top of that, he married more than one wife and Aisha was the youngest.

Now if they say “but he was in his 50s and she was only 9!” Well an age gap doesn’t make a relationship immoral. A 20 year old marrying a 70 year old nowadays, sure may not be a good idea but we cannot say it’s HARAM. Marriage was different back then compared to now. Islam itself doesn’t change but our maturity changes which is why nowadays you typically see people get married in their 20s.

Not a single soul ever had an issue with Aisha’s age until recently. How are u going to compare now vs 1400 years ago when the USA itself had the age of consent 7-10 only 200 years ago!!!!

Society likes to take preferences as their moral code. That’s not how it works. I don’t have the right to stop a 20 year old from marrying a 70 year old. Sure it may not be ideal, or may be undesirable, or not a good idea, but I can’t say it’s morally wrong or haram. Also just because our beloved prophet pbuh did it, doesn’t mean we must. He married a woman older, he married 9 wives, does that mean men must also do that? No.

I can’t comprehend how people think today’s standards were the same as 1400 years ago!!!

Obviously in Islam men have more power. But I often see men use this to sort of throw it in women’s faces harshly. Yes I understand there are many feminists and I don’t agree with them but also, Allah gave you this power and you should use it responsibly. You have the right to stop your spouse from leaving the house, you have the right to divorce more easily, you physically have more power, you have the right to not let your spouse work and also you aren’t required to provide above the minimum, you have the right to get a second wife, you have the right to where you live and your wife must go with you. And that’s all fine , but be mindful of how you use that power.

I see men say things like “if she did xyz ill divorce her” or boasting how they can get multiple wives or encouraging secret wives or not wanting her to work but also not be generous with what you make and say “well technically i provide the minimum” and never get her a gift or act like if a wife ever refuses intimacy even once she’s automatically a horrible Muslim. Yes we know halal and haram but if you go about things in a very rigid way of “oh its halal so ill do it” or “well she did this haram thing so she deserves how i treat her” like such a rigid way of life , that isn’t how marriage is supposed to be.

I am NOT encouraging doing haram. I’m saying just because you’re allowed to do something , just because something is halal, does not always mean you should do it without thinking of consequences (if that halal thing is optional) and just because a woman may have flaws, or may some times sin, doesn’t automatically mean she’s a horrible wife.

I’m not denying any Hadith, im not denying any ruling, and I’m not denying a man and woman has rights. I’m just saying calm down, don’t go about things in such a harsh and rigid way. As men you’re leaders. Imagine how scary a women would feel when she marries a man like this. If men constantly go around saying in such a harsh tone “a woman must obey! A man can have a secret second wife! A woman can never leave without my permission” while never mentioning how you will treat her well, care for her, do extra things for her and just acting like you’re going to be this mean scary controlling person, you are steering women away from Islam! It’s almost like some men talk in a way that sounds more harsh because want to make women upset. Again I’m not denying anything from Islam. But women are more emotional and you can word things in Islam in a kinder way and you can be a leader while still being reasonably flexible and considering her feelings. For example, yes your wife needs to move where ever you move but that doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to hear her out and consider her opinion even though you have the final say.

Men also have to remember in Islam you should treat women kindly. If you are harsh with us, we will break. “Act kindly towards women, for they were created from a rib, and the most crooked part of a rib is its uppermost. If you attempt to straighten it; you will break it, and if you leave it alone it will remain crooked; so act kindly toward women”

A lot of men who are this way are also just immature or watch too much red pill content that make them think “I have to be mean to women”. Usually the traditional Muslim men that are mature, understand that they have power and rights and that they should use it wisely while considering their wife’s feelings. YES there is a power imbalance between the genders. There is nothing wrong in that. There’s a power imbalance between a mother and child as well. But in both cases, use your power responsibly.

I know polygyny is halal. I’m not here to argue that. Regardless, halal things can still be extremely painful

My husband cheated on me almost 2 years ago and it was so painful. Yes what he did was haram. Seeing those messages and finding out still kills me to this day. But let’s say he did it halal, and married her. That would not have decreased the pain. In fact it would probably hurt more because then, she would be an actual wife which as a woman would feel like real competition. I’m not saying haram is better than halal. I also understand men get second wives because of sexual reasons. But with us, the problem was on his side. I was beautiful, newly married, high libido, excited to be with my husband. And I find out he’s with another woman. He wasn’t with her for sexual reasons but it did become sexual as she was more sexual with him. She didn’t matter, she was a fling, kafir, had kids, older, he just wanted emotional support which he did not communicate with me and which was hard for me to give when he wasn’t even wanting to be intimate or show me attention as a newlywed wife who waited till marriage. No honeymoon, no affection, difficult intimacy, i felt pointless and ugly when i know for a fact i wasnt. I cooked, cleaned, worked out, dressed up, virgin till marriage, and what caught his eye was my beauty.

Whether it’s done halal or haram, it would breaks me. I’m sitting here venting, but I feel like many men would probably invalidate my feelings if it was done halal. But something halal and optional, not obligatory, can still be extremely painful, ESPECIALLY if they promised they wouldn’t. Not just that, he knew how jealous I was. He was never going to marry her, but if he did, I would still feel this pain. He knew how jealous I was because before and after marriage I made it extremely i don’t want him to get a second wife, like if he wants to at all, id just prefer he doesn’t marry me as I cannot handle it. It’s a man’s right, but id rather be with someone who is okay not exercising that right. I can’t handle it. Some women can pretend it isn’t happening, some women can do it, but I cannot. I’m too anxious, I’m too emotionally attached, I’m too emotional, I would go crazy and if I didn’t leave him, he’d probably eventually leave me anyways because of how crazy I would go and the amount of fights I make from him having another wife. I am too crazy about him.

Yes I know men will respond saying “western mind ruins women” or “it’s just a western mindset” or “some women would even find a wife for their husband” or “it’s his right its halal(as if I don’t know)” but I just wish Muslim men understood the pain of any other women whether its halal or its haram. The pain I feel from this haram relationship this disgusting irrelevant women he was with who isn’t part of our life anymore literally kills me. I stayed up all night, 2 years later, we have a good life, and I still stayed up one random night over thinking how far he went with her.

This has caused me very very extreme extreme anxiety of him getting a second wife even though I don’t think he will and he doesn’t seem like the type to be able to and before and after marriage and even after cheating he’s said he would never want a second wife but I have this fear, where I overthink so much and over worry about if he’ll get a second wife in 10 or 20 years. The anxiety is so bad that I know for a fact I would not be able to handle it. He is remorseful, he isn’t a bad guy, he was stressed and miserable and she was able to help him emotionally. I wasn’t. Because I was confused, neglected, and “frustrated”from lack of intimacy and attention and he never communicated how I can give him support. His biggest issue was money, so I gave back my entire mahr as a loan he can pay me back in 5-10 years. And he still went to her after that

I can understand a wife who doesn’t sleep with her husband and just hates him, would lead a man to another woman. But I truly did nothing to “make” him go to another woman. I was beautiful, excited, did not ask for too much financially, attracted to him, and was receiving little in return, which caused me to start fights from feeling neglected. Any woman would start fights when she feels ugly and that her husband doesn’t wanna sleep with her as a newlywed

Again like I said yes polygyny is halal I am not arguing that at all I accept the rule from Allah but I just wish more men understood the pain we feel. If he went on and married her instead of ending it, I’d be broken. That doesn’t make me westernized or a feminist, that does not mean I reject the ruling of Allah. I’m a Muslim who accepts all of Islam. But it would break me. If I can’t forget someone who didn’t matter to him after 2 years, I would be shattered if after I found out he cheated, he continued and married her instead of leaving her. I’m happy he left her and that she never mattered

I just ask for some empathy. But go ahead I already expect downvotes.