r/Muslimbenefits

This is simply a friendly reminder... as one of the best things I have done for myself by the Grace of Allah is to delete those apps and not worry about such presence in the first place.

We Muslims are far exalted than such lowly stimulation, and that energy & time is supposed to be dedicated to lecture hours, learning your religion under the shuyukh (whether online or in-person), reading the Qur'an, even developing a beneficial skillset.

May Allah bless you all, just a friendly warning.

Assalam alaikum, sorry if this will sound inappropriate or like a rant.

I just can't anymore physically or mentally go on with being unmarried. I am a 22 yo man still in uni with 1 year left and ever since i hit puberty the desires have just gotten worse and worse.

But it's not only that, i just do not tolerate seeing other young couples that i see on the streets or appear to me on social media. I hate also seeing kuffar doing all of the haram stuff they do in this hypersexualized society.

Meanwhile around me it seems that there is no prospect for me to get married, the options are very few and it's just hard to find a religious muslim woman. I have been making dua for years, i need relief. It's very hard every single day to fight my nafs and my negative thoughts. I am always worried and can't be at peace. I feel like no human being understands me.

I just need advice on what to do or at least make dua that Allah make a way out for me and that i get married with goodness.

Assalamu Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh, brothers and sisters.

Here's my posts about Chrismas and Halloween:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Muslimbenefits/s/9NXjuQgKAN

https://www.reddit.com/r/Muslimbenefits/s/4K4FvEjiL4

So, this will be a brief reminder, not a deep-dive into the history. We already know anything but the two Eids are haram to celebrate.

Do not sit in a gathering of people lighting fireworks, even smoke bombs and sparklers.

Do not light fireworks yourself.

Advise your brothers and sisters to not participate at all.

Fireworks are loud and obnoxious, scaring veterans (In the US, obviously the military here is horrible, but still), children, people in general, and animals (many outdoor pets go missing because they get scared and run). They're also the cause of many (forest) fires.

Fear Allah and stay away from these holidays. They're not for us.

Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

This is my second post, and I really need advice and support. Please tag any shaykhs or people of knowledge who may be able to help.

My husband and I fight almost every day. We live nine hours apart and, due to circumstances, we have never seen each other in person.

Since the day I met him, I have cried almost every day. I feel that he struggles to take accountability for his actions, and I find it very difficult to cope when a man raises his voice at me or speaks harshly during arguments.

Today, he called me, and I was quiet because I felt like we would end up fighting again. I used to be very bubbly and loved talking, but lately I don’t feel like myself anymore.

He told me he was very tired because of work and said, “I booked an appointment with a doctor.” I replied, “Maybe it’s not a doctor you need to see. Maybe your iman is low.”

He became upset and said, “Oh, because I sin?” I said, “Maybe, or maybe you need to change some things about yourself.” He continued speaking in a raised voice and said, “It’s like I’m committing zina.”

I replied, “Zina isn’t the only sin. Maybe it’s also about a person’s character.”

He then sarcastically said, “Wow, with all the khutbahs I’ve attended, no one has ever said this.” I felt judged and as though he was treating me like I was stupid.

I then said, “Your thinking is like that of the Khawarij.” He became even more upset and raised his voice. I started crying and crying. Eventually, I said, “I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore,” and ended the call.

Instead of calling me back right away, he called his mother. When he called me again, he continued speaking about the Khawarij. I told him, “If you had only asked me kindly…”

This is how I wish my husband would speak to me:

Me: “Your thinking is like the Khawarij.”

Him: “Oh… what do you mean by that, hayati? Do you know what that means?”

Me: “Let me explain why I said it.”

Him: “Okay, but please understand that I’m not like that, and I don’t appreciate being called that.”

Me: “You’re right. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”

Am I crazy for wanting this? If I say something wrong, I want my husband to correct me with kindness and teach me gently. I don’t want to be met with anger, harshness, or raised voices.

I have told him many times that I want to be corrected with rahmah (mercy) and gentle manners, but nothing seems to change.

Am I wrong for wanting kindness when I make mistakes?

⁍ there are moments in life when everything feels scattered. you just stop everything. you abandoned your goals.

⁍ your routines collapsed. the discipline you once had disappeared completely, and now you are standing before the ruins of what you once built.

make this duʿāʾ

‏ اللَّهُمَّ رَحْمَتَكَ أَرْجُو فَلاَ تَكِلْنِي إِلَى نَفْسِي طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ وَأَصْلِحْ لِي شأْنِي كُلَّهُ لاَ إِلَهَ إِلاَّ أَنْت
‏
"oh Allāh, it is Your mercy that i hope for, so do not leave me to myself even for the blink of an eye, and rectify all of my affairs for me*. there is no deity worthy of worship except You."*

— sunan abī dāwūd 5071

────────────────────────

sufyan reported: ʿumar ibn al-khaṭṭāb رضي الله عنه said,

“i do not care if i wake up to what i like or dislike, for i do not know if goodness is found in what i like or dislike.”

— ḥilyat al-awliyāʾ 7/271

⁍ the first thing you must understand is this. starting over is not shameful. remaining broken while refusing to rebuild is what destroys people. turn back to Allāh سبحانه وتعالى

al-nuʾman ibn bashir رضي* الله *عنه reported: the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ said,

“Allāh is more intensely joyful by the repentance of His servant than a man who sets out on a journey with his provisions upon his camel. then, he marched until he reached a waterless desert and was overtaken by sleepiness. he descended to lie under a tree, but his camel ran away as he slept. when he woke up, he ran to the nearest hill but did not see anything, then he ran to another hill but did see anything, then he ran to a third hill but did not see anything, so he returned to his original place. while he was sitting, his camel came walking back until it placed his rein in his hand. thus, Allāh is more intensely joyful by the repentance of the servant than this man who finds his camel in this situation.”

— ṣaḥīḥ muslim 2745

⁍ do not waste time crying over how far you fell. accept it. face it honestly. yes, you became inconsistent. yes, you lost momentum. yes, you neglected important things. but now you have a choice. stay there or rise again.

abu hurayrah رضي الله عنه reported: the messenger of Allāh ﷺ said,

“the strong believer is more beloved to Allāh than the weak believer, but there is goodness in both of them. be eager for what benefits you, seek help from Allāh, and do not be frustrated. if something befalls you, then do not say: if only I had done something else! rather say: Allāh has decreed what He wills. verily, the phrase ‘if only’ opens the way for the work of shayṭān.”

— ṣaḥīḥ muslim 2664

⁍ the mistake many people make when restarting is trying to rebuild everything at once. they return with extreme plans, unrealistic schedules, and heavy expectations. then after a few days, they collapse again.

ʿabdullāh ibn ʿamr ibn al-ʿāṣ رضي الله عنه reported: the prophet ﷺ said,

“verily, every deed has enthusiasm, and every enthusiasm has a time-limit. whoever is enthusiastic for my sunnah has succeeded, but whoever is enthusiastic for something else has been ruined.”

— ṣaḥīḥ ibn ḥibbān 11

⁍ start small, but start seriously.

abu hurayrah رضي الله عنه reported: the messenger of Allāh ﷺ said,

“verily, the religion is easy and no one burdens himself in religion but that it overwhelms him. follow the right course, seek closeness to Allāh, give glad tidings, and seek help for worship in the morning and evening and a part of the night.”

*— ṣaḥīḥ al-*bukhārī 39

⁍ return to the fundamentals. fix your sleep. clean your environment. organize your time. rebuild simple disciplines first. wake up on time. pray properly. seek knowledge even if it is a small portion consistently. read Qurʾān even if it is only one page or a few ayāt.

ʿumar ibn al-khaṭṭāb رضي الله عنه said,

“hold yourselves accountable before you are held accountable and evaluate yourselves before you are evaluated, for the reckoning will be easier upon you tomorrow if you hold yourselves accountable today.”

— muḥāsabat al-nafs li-ibn abī dunyā 2

────────────────────────

ʿaʾisha رضي الله عنه reported: the messenger of Allāh ﷺ said,

“oh people, you must only perform deeds you are capable of doing. by Allāh, Allāh will not give up on you unless you give up. verily, the most beloved deeds to Allāh are those performed regularly, even if they are few.”

ʿaʾisha رضي الله عنه said, “when the household of muhammad ﷺ committed to a deed, they would be determined in it.”

*— ṣaḥīḥ *al-bukhārī 43, ṣaḥīḥ muslim 782

────────────────────────

ʿabdullah ibn masʾūd, رضي الله عنه said,

"indeed, i hate to see a man idle, not working for his worldly life, nor working for his hereafter."

— al-fawaʾid | pg.214

⁍ do not focus on speed. focus on stability.

⁍ another important thing is to remove the guilt that paralyzes you. learn from your past without becoming chained to it. constant self hatred does not rebuild a person. honest effort does.

increase in making this duʿāʾ

anas رضي الله عنه reported: the messenger of Allāh ﷺ would often say,

يَا مُقَلِّبَ الْقُلُوبِ ثَبِّتْ قَلْبِي عَلَى دِينِكَ

“O Turner of the hearts, keep my heart firm upon Your religion!”

⁍ and understand this deeply. starting again will feel uncomfortable. your mind will resist structure because it became used to disorder. push through that resistance. the beginning is always the hardest part.

⁍ most importantly, reconnect your heart to Allāh. ask Him sincerely to help you rebuild. because no real transformation happens without his aid.

abu dharr رضي الله عنه reported: the messenger of Allāh ﷺ said,

“Allāh Almighty says: whoever comes with a good deed will have the reward of ten like it and even more. whoever comes with an evil deed will be recompensed for one evil deed like it or he will be forgiven. whoever draws close to Me by the length of a hand, I will draw close to him by the length of an arm. whoever draws close to Me the by length of an arm, I will draw close to him by the length of a fathom. whoever comes to Me walking, I will come to him running. whoever meets Me with enough sins to fill the earth, not associating any partners with Me, I will meet him with as much forgiveness.”

— ṣaḥīḥ muslim 2687

⁍ the beautiful thing about life is that as long as you are breathing, the opportunity to begin again still exists.

ʿabdullah ibn masʾūd, رضي الله عنه said,

“verily, the believer views his sins as if he were sitting under a mountain, fearing it will fall upon him. the wicked views his sins as if they were a fly passing over his nose.”

— ṣaḥīḥ al-bukhārī 5949

⁍ your life is too short to be spent at war with yourself. so accept yourself, and then strive
for self-growth for His sake.

۞* قُلْ يَـٰعِبَادِىَ ٱلَّذِينَ* أَسْرَفُوا۟ عَلَىٰٓ أَنفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا۟ مِن رَّحْمَةِ ٱللَّهِ ۚ *إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ ٱلذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا ۚ إِنَّهُۥ هُوَ ٱلْغَفُورُ ٱلرَّحِيمُ ٥٣

say, "oh my servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allāh. indeed, Allāh forgives all sins. indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful."

— surah az zūmar, ayah 39

⁍ so stand up. clean the dust off your soul. return to your Qurʾān. return to your discipline. return to your purpose.

لَهُۥ مُعَقِّبَـٰتٌۭ مِّنۢ بَيْنِ يَدَيْهِ وَمِنْ خَلْفِهِۦ يَحْفَظُونَهُۥ مِنْ أَمْرِ ٱللَّهِ ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَا يُغَيِّرُ مَا بِقَوْمٍ حَتَّىٰ يُغَيِّرُوا۟ مَا بِأَنفُسِهِمْ ۗ وَإِذَآ أَرَادَ ٱللَّهُ بِقَوْمٍۢ سُوٓءًۭا فَلَا مَرَدَّ لَهُۥ ۚ وَمَا لَهُمْ مِّن دُونِهِۦ مِن وَالٍ ١١

for each one there are successive angels before and behind, protecting them by Allāh’s command. Indeed, Allāh would never change a people’s state ˹of favour˺ until they change their own state ˹of faith˺****. and if it is Allāh’s Will to torment a people, it can never be averted, nor can they find a protector other than Him.

— surah ar-raʾd, ayah 11

────────────────────────

ʿanas ibn malik رضي* الله *عنه reported: the messenger of Allāh ﷺ said,

“good works done for people protect those who did them from evil fates, harm, and destruction. the people of goodness in the world will be the people of goodness in the hereafter.”

— shuʾab al-ʿimān 7704

────────────────────────

ʿalqamah رحمه الله reported: ʿabdullah ibn masʾūd, رضي الله عنه said,

“do not scatter the Qurʾān as if it were dates falling from a tree, nor recite quickly as if it were poetry. stop at its verses that amaze you and let it move your hearts. let not your concern be reaching the end of the surah.”

— akhlāq ḥamalat al-Qurʾān

⁍ and this time, build yourself stronger than before.

I know this is a very random question and I hear multiple thing about how the media portrays them falsely but I’m confused as to whether that’s how Islam can be represented or not. I’m careful and don’t want to say something out of ignorance, but why is the state of Afghanistan the way it is? Some things like leaving the house or learning in school or working aren’t inherently haram but is that not allowed for women in Afghanistan?

Also things like wearing the burqa, I know in Islam modesty is mandatory for women and niqab is the majority opinion. But I feel like I wouldn’t know how to handle that especially because I’m not as religious as I’d like to be and my hijab isn’t 100% perfect. What’s our perspective on the taliban as Muslims? If someone asks me my perspective on that, what do I say as a Muslim? If this is the truly the correct application of Islam, I would accept that of course as a Muslim. I know in Islam the ruler is allowed to apply punishment (ta’zeer) for sins that don’t have a hadd or aren’t mentioned to have specific worldly punishments. That sounds a bit scary because I don’t wear perfect hijab so I’d be scared to be punished for it.

I feel horrible that I feel so much more comfortable living in the west or somewhere like UAE or saudia arabia. Please excuse any ignorance, I have but I’ve been asked about this and I didn’t know how to answer

Throughout my entire life i'd been with my family and thought there was no issue, but the more i realised the more i thought they were crazy. I was angry at them they pshycologically and physically punished me they threatend me. I called an anonymous helpline told them my problems and then told my full identity, which mean by law they have to get action involved. My parents are born muslim and so am i. But for some reason they hate that i try to pursue islam the intended way. My mother does not wear hijab nor does she pray only when its ramadan or someone is dead. My father dosent practice islam at all. Alchol, smoke, abuse his kids and whatever else you could think of. My parents are really confusing my mom wanted me to go to umrah so she made me get a Job. She went to my boss which she knew since she also worked there and handed her my CV. I never wanted to work but i wanted to go to Umrah.

I asked my mother if the job was haram since you serve pork, nicotin, tobacco, alchol and lottery the job was a supermarket and all i did was sit in the register. When i asked her of whether the job is haram she lashed out and screamed at me. She threatend me and got my older brother (also not practicing at all either). He threatend to punch me in the face if i ever worried of whether music and job is haram. I was asking questions since i was young getting into islam and preparing for umrah. When i finally went to umrah i felt nothing but guilt i did not even know how to pray. My mother made me get a haram job but part of me thought my mother did it for performance months before Umrah she asked me if we should just go to Dubai again. I confronted my mother again when she said she wanted umrah but everytime i confront her she says im overreacting.

My family has physically abused me plenty of times hit me, broken my phone, Choked me and giving me bruises but they deny it. I had enough and told a helpline which contaced the local government in my area when we went into a meeting i had 20 missed calls from family i answered em while someone from the local governmment was in the room and heard my conversation with my brother who demanded i got home instantly in which they realised how threatning and controlling they were. I had quit my job. They hated that i did that and they always told me i wont be their child if i quit this job and i will work it whether i hate it or not. I could'nt go home after that the government got police involved they questioned me afterwards went to my families home. I got so many messages and calls which i was told to ignore which i felt bad for since cutting ties with family is looked down upon in islam. I told the local government and police everything about my family. They yelled at me once when i went to the masjid since i was there for too long. I dont feel safe practicing my religion around my parents so i only prayed fajr at night when everyone sleeps. I live with a friend now. They arent muslim yet i feel closer and taken care of more than my muslim family. I felt bad for cutting off ties but they also cut off my sim card meaning i couldnt call or communicate with anyone they did it so they hoped id desperately come crawling back knowing they disabled my sim card and data not letting me use my phone freely. I feel like im doing something wrong and yet not. They dont want me to practice my religion like islam intends me. They get upset i dont hear music want to dance or talk when all they do is backbite gossip music comprae me to others or ask about something they know i hate.

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

Can anyone who has contacts with mshaykh do the hard work of getting the contact information of some shaykh's wife/wives, so that I can ask fatwa without having to DM male scholars myself

(ones who are actually known to reply)