u/thunder_claws

Maybe a weird question.

I've been trying to grow my leg muscles and recently had a session with a personal trainer. He looked at what I usually do and said that my form is good, but I do way too many reps and my weights are too light, and that I must lift more and lower reps if I wanna grow and get stronger. I usually do 12-15 reps for lunges, squats, leg press, etc, but I feel like my legs can do more.

However, the problem is that I really don't like that feeling when you are lifting heavy weights, especially towards the end of the set, and you have to brace your whole being to exert force to the point where you have to involuntarily engage your facial muscles. I am sure you know what I am talking about. That feeling of total exertion, when you're grinding those last few reps and really tapping into your will lol. I absolutely hate that! Is there no way around it to grow your legs and butt?

I tried using very strong pre workout and it helped do a killer session but I don't wanna be doing that every time I go to the gym. It interferes with my sleep and makes me feel too overstimulated.

Will creatine help reduce that feeling of exertion and like you are gonna blow up? What are some other tips you can give me?

Fyi, I am not new to the gym, but I've always been doing things like yoga, bodypump classes, and lighter weights with higher reps.

Maybe a weird question.

I've been trying to grow my leg muscles and recently had a session with a personal trainer. He looked at what I usually do and said that my form is good, but I do way too many reps and my weights are too light, and that I must lift more and lower reps if I wanna grow and get stronger. I usually do 12-15 reps for lunges, squats, leg press, etc, but I feel like my legs can do more.

However, the problem is that I really don't like that feeling when you are lifting heavy weights, especially towards the end of the set, and you have to brace your whole being to exert force to the point where you have to involuntarily engage your facial muscles. I am sure you know what I am talking about. That feeling of total exertion, when you're grinding those last few reps and really tapping into your will lol. I absolutely hate that! Is there no way around it to grow your legs and butt?

I tried using very strong pre workout and it helped do a killer session but I don't wanna be doing that every time I go to the gym. It interferes with my sleep and makes me feel too overstimulated.

Will creatine help reduce that feeling of exertion and like you are gonna blow up? What are some other tips you can give me?

Fyi, I am not new to the gym, but I've always been doing things like yoga, bodypump classes, and lighter weights with higher reps.

I have this problem with sex and relationships, in general. Huge psychological trauma. I learnt to deal with it, but not in a healthy way.

I find it so hard to have sex with someone to whom I am both attracted to physically and also have an emotional connection with. I think because I am so invested in them, I am afraid that they'll dismiss me in the end and I'll be heartbroken. So, when I meet someone like that, I avoid them like a plaque — even if they are also attracted to me in the same way.

I' d rather have sex with someone to whom I am not that much attracted to. Like, I find them hot, but I don't feel that deep attraction and connection to them. If they dismiss me, I don't really care because I don't really care if they like me or not. However, in the back of my mind, I'll be wishing I'll be doing it with another person to whom I do have those deep feelings.

A couple of months ago, I met this guy and I felt really attracted to him on a deep level. It got me scared so I ghosted him. Then a few days after that, I hooked up with someone I knew from a dating app even though I didn't even like him that much.

I've had this pattern all my life and it's true suffering. I know I am fucked up. Perhaps you can recommend me something? Maybe advice or books to read?

Thanks

Looking for advice and insights on reclaiming "zest for life" after a period of extreme deprivation due to being unemployed and lacking financial means.

To put it into context, I was laid off from my job a little less than a year ago and just started making money a couple of months ago. I'm happy this unemployed period is over, but I feel it has changed me psychologically to a deepest core and I'll never be the same again. I had to minimize my needs so extremely, went without food for days because I was so broke, even slept on the street for a couple of days and almost been raped because I went to some guy's apartment because he said he could give me a job, and been through some other pretty extreme shit. I had to isolate myself because I didn't want anyone to see me at my lowest because of embarrassment. I also didn't want to ask other people to pay for me when going out, so my social life was basically non-existent. I didn't buy myself anything but essentials and didn't go anywhere except the local park or roamed the malls when I was fed up staying inside. Dating and romance were out of the question as well because my mental bandwidth was consumed by job search and thinking about how to get enough money just to get by. My self-esteem was also shattered.

Now, as I am emerging from that a experience, I cannot bring myself to enjoy life anymore. Every time someone invites me to go out for food or drinks or an activity that costs money, I estimate how much that outing is gonna cost me and end up deciding that it's not worth it. Like, why would I spend $150 on a ticket to go to a certain DJ's performance, if that could buy me groceries for a whole month, or I could invest it, or just save it? That kind of thinking.

I used to have wants and desires that excited me and gave me drive. I wanted to buy organic food, learn how to drive motorcycle, visit Japan, go to see various DJs... I derived pleasure from buying a new outfit that looked good on me, or make-up and skincare, or going to hairdressers to do something new with my hair, etc. Now, I don't really find any of it pleasurable because it comes with thinking of the opportunity costs of paying for those things.

When it comes to dating and meeting new people, it has also lost its appeal. I used to like meeting guys and was excited at the prospect of falling in love. Also went to Bumble BFF to meet other women for friednship. Now, I am not really interested in any of it. I've been alone for so long and gotten unused from it all. Dating especially scares me because I am afraid that something will go wrong and it will affect me badly, and I won't be able to focus on making money.

I am just not enjoying anything and not looking forward to anything, and I don't know how to get our of this minimalist mindset I have developed to survive.

Has anyone been through something similar? Anything you can advise?

Is it normal on a first date to ask if they want kids? I'm in my 30s now and want to "filter out" people that don't want kids. I find it easier because if I start getting involved with them, having sex, doing stuff together, etc., but then find out they don't want kids at all, it'd be hard to break it off. But if I dismiss them on a first date, even if I am attracted to them, I'll spare myself a heartbreak.

I feel like it's normal to ask if the person wants kids on a first date. After all, I am not asking them if they want to have kids WITH ME. But it always feels awkward and I don't know how to bring it up. Advice?

I have an overstay fine of 18,000 AED and I lost my passport.

I applied for a fine reduction at an Amer Centre, but they require an official letter from my country's embassy confirming I have applied for a new passport.

My embassy will only issue that letter after I apply for a new passport. However, they refuse to accept my application for a new passport because my Emirates ID is expired.

I was advised to go to the immigration office at Al Awir to plead my case for a fine reduction directly to an officer. However, I am afraid that if they deny the reduction, I will be unable to pay the full amount and will be deported and face permanent entry ban.

Has anyone had a big fine reduced by speaking to an officer at All Awer directly? How much was your fine and how much did they reduce it to? Do I face permanent ban if unable to pay the full amount but reduction gets rejected?

Any help much appreciated!