u/tiny-kat1311

I have seen a handful of posts about JellieBends but none which answer my questions. I am a small person but very lanky as far as limbs go, so I have always had trouble with sizing of wrist or hand braces. The JellieBend wrist braces are one size fits all; has anyone with small wrists tried them and find that they work well enough? I have been doing yoga recently and having lots of wrist pain/weakness. If anyone has hand compression gloves recs I'll take them too! I have arthritis in my hands and can't find any that are both tight enough on my fingers and also long enough to actually cover my middle finger joints.

I also want to get the shrug because my shoulder issues are horrid, but I am in between XS and S and since it's a relatively new product I'm not certain if it would work for me.

I got a letter in the mail today from the church where my husband and I got married, whose priest knows darn well I did not change my last name. They 'invited" us to a fundraising dinner where we would have to pay a minimum of $220 to attend and invited us to donate if we could not attend. The letter was address as "Mr. and Mrs. Husband's full name" INCLUDING HIS MIDDLE INITIAL. I understand it's "traditional" but it feels incredibly demoralizing. Just because we are married does not mean my existence deserves to be dismissed and erased. "Two become one" does NOT mean "wife becomes owned by and addressed through her husband" anymore, and thus it shouldn't be addressed as though it still does, because that is EXACTLY what that meant when it became "tradition." That's not two becoming one, it's one absorbing completely into another, while that person sacrifices/changes/dedicates nothing. Even if I *had* changed my last name, it feels like a slap in the face to receive a solicitation where so much respect is granted to my husband as to include even his middle initial, while my name appears nowhere and is assumed to be included by using my husband as my title. I feel like this opinion and these feelings are so often dismissed, especially in religious circles, and I am tired of it. I didn't change my name for cultural reasons, and in my family's country nobody changes their last names. It does not make me any less married or devoted to my marriage, and to assume this form of address as the most appropriate is very offensive to me and I am beyond exhausted of having to ignore it and dismiss my own valid feelings to conform to polite society. If I had the energy, I would not be too far from mailing them back two pennies and a complaint letter.

EDIT: I wrote this post seeking validation and I have found many of these comments to be incredibly dismissive and uncharitable. I understand the opposite perspective very well, and so please refrain from laughing at me, calling me dramatic, and dismissing my feelings as an overreaction. Please ask yourself what your goal is when you speak to another that way. I understand this isn't the most important thing in the world, but I am so negatively affected by this and have been disrespectfully invalidated by multiple comments. The truth is I have multiple energy limiting disabilities, and this is causing me such distress that I actually had to lay down in bed and likely will be the rest of the day because of how drained I am now. )not that that should be relevant and needed information to justify my emotions) Even so, my mind was so burdened by this that I made a post seeking support, as I felt my energy had no other place to go and I thought I would help me feel better. Clearly I was mistaken and shown I am not safe seeking validation in this space.

I have been doing more self discovery as I seek an autism diagnosis at age 23. I have always grown up being quite odd and misunderstood, but overall my intelligence and social involvement kind of canceled that out and made me more "normal." My husband has been expressing to me that when I explain things to him, I often do it in a way that seems very condescending. I have always described myself as hating passive aggressiveness, because it is so indirect and can be confusing. In my life I jokingly coin the phrase, "I'm not passive aggressive, I'm just aggressive." If people have had problems with it, I often perceived them as having an issue with an outspoken or self-assured woman (which in my defense is likely still the majority of cases). But my husband's explanation and our conversation about it made my mind explode. I cried for so long and began to rethink my whole life.

I have a habit of over explaining myself in almost every situation. I get very anxious, overwhelmed, and upset when I feel misunderstood, therefore, I will explain every detail in my thoughts process to ensure I am properly understood. This isn't because I don't think the people around me can get it, but rather because I need to ensure without a doubt that they get it in its 100% entirety, even if its not always relevant. This makes me think about interactions with one coworker I have, where we often butt heads on "communicating" She gets very frustrated when I explain my intentions behind an email wording and declares she knows my intentions aren't bad, but never elaborates why she would still be upset, so I have been left confused over what the problem is. I see now that over-explaining to someone might imply to them that I think they are not intelligent, and this need to be talked down to like a child in order to understand. That is not what I mean at all, not what I think or feel about those around me. I will think out loud and explain my understanding of things and my confusion.

For example with my husband, he might explain something and I have a question about a gap or whole that confuses me. The way I would explain it is to say everything I understand, and then say something like "so then how is it at all [possible, likely, relevant, important, etc] that xyz. I say it because I am seeking an answer that I assume the person can give me, since they presumably thought through what they did/said. Often if they can't, I now realize they see it as me rudely pointing out a flaw in their thought process, which in their defense, it literally is, I just never recognized that that was what I was doing. In my mind, this has nothing to do with them or with me, and everything to do with coming together for an objective and complete understanding.

It wasn't until this conversation with my husband that it dawned on me I was doing this. It still frustrates me that he wouldn't just tell me straight up what he thought I was doing, rather, I had to figure it out. It would always leave me confused about why he was upset, and instead of clarifying, he would get too overwhelmed due to his own emotional regulation troubles. I feel so awful. I have been so in my head for so long. Do others do this? Or am I just a bad person masking my cruelty with cluelessness? I feel so stupid. Others think I am calling them dumb, yet here I am actually dumb for not even seeing it. How do I fix this? I couldn't see it until now, and even now I don't know how to move forward with it in mind, because I still can't see it in practicality. Any and all advice please.