u/tired808

My parents (Dad 60, Mom 54) were immigrants who became legal residents when I became 21. They don't have solid plans for retirement and have little saved. My dad has expressed wanting to continue working part time while he gets support from his 401K/SS.

As the oldest I'm expected to sacrifice my independence to make up for their lack of retirement plans so I'm trying all that I possibly can to save myself stress in the future (next 5 years).

I'm trying to start these conversations now (I know this should've been figured out years ago), but I'm overwhelmed with where to start. Who should I reach out to help advise them?

More context:

- We don't own a house. My parent's apartment increases the rent every 2 years. Are senior apartments or condo's worth looking into now?

- I make around 80k at my first job out of college. I've helped them pay off credit card debts, and helped my father pay off his car. I'm hoping they have more opportunity to save now after years of barely getting by.

- I have a younger brother (20) with a learning disability who will be in school for the next 4 years majoring in art - not sure if he'll be able to pitch in much financially any time soon. I'm worried he won't be allowed to live with my parents if they move into a senior apartment (if he's not financially stable, whenever this happens).

- I want my mom to start investing in a roth IRA especially since she'll be recieving a lot less from the government than my dad. Is it worth opening one up for my dad since he's already so close to retiring?

- What accounts need to be set up? What specifically should we start putting away money for?

I'm trying not to burn myself out - but I'll have more peace of mind knowing we're at least somewhat preparing for the future. And to all the eldest children in low income immigrant families, how do you not drive yourself crazy with worry?

For context, he grew up struggling with learning, specifically retaining information. We went to a school that is considered to be one of the worst in our state. so he had teachers that were burnt out, apathetic, and had no patience. They would humiliate him if he didn’t understand something and would make him cry and feel stupid (from elementary to middle school). He was never held back or failed a class, but not hard when your school doesn’t really pay attention if you’re a quiet / non disruptive student. Then the pandemic hit during his high school years so he essentially disassociated through that.

So college is when he hit his breaking point. He was near failing some classes and would become more and more frustrated with his inability to retain information or “be smart”. He’s on anxiety meds. He went to a neurologist recently (my brother told his therapist that he thinks he has a learning disability) and after some “tests” they said that he didn’t have anything.

He’s become very sensitive and reactive whenever I tell him anything along the lines of “I don’t think you’re dumb. I think you shouldn’t give up on trying new things” whenever he says “I’m too stupid to do that”. Which he says often. Especially now that he’s trying to find what to major in (he thinks he can ONLY do art because he’s too stupid for anything else)

Today we got in a fight, which ended with him saying “when there’s a cure for my disorder, I’ll do that”.

I cried. There’s no getting through to him, because he’s so convinced that’s he’s the stupidest person on earth. It’s like he’s accepted this and therefore is giving up on everything. I’m scared what his future may look like if he keeps thinking like this.

Therapy isn’t helping. Affirmation isn’t helping. I don’t to know what to do and I worry so much about him.

Idk if there’s even a solution here. I appreciate it if you read this far.

Idk if this is the right place for this. Let me know if not.

For context, he grew up struggling with learning, specifically retaining information. We went to a school that is considered to be one of the worst in our state. so he had teachers that were burnt out, apathetic, and had no patience. They would humiliate him if he didn’t understand something and would make him cry and feel stupid (from elementary to middle school). He was never held back or failed a class, but not hard when your school doesn’t really pay attention if you’re a quiet / non disruptive student. Then the pandemic hit during his high school years so he essentially disassociated through that.

So college is when he hit his breaking point. He was near failing some classes and would become more and more frustrated with his inability to retain information or “be smart”. He’s on anxiety meds. He went to a neurologist recently (my brother told his therapist that he thinks he has a learning disability) and after some “tests” they said that he didn’t have anything.

He’s become very sensitive and reactive whenever I tell him anything along the lines of “I don’t think you’re dumb. I think you shouldn’t give up on trying new things” whenever he says “I’m too stupid to do that”. Which he says often. Especially now that he’s trying to find what to major in (he thinks he can ONLY do art because he’s too stupid for anything else)

Today we got in a fight, which ended with him saying “when there’s a cure for my disorder, I’ll do that”.

I cried. There’s no getting through to him, because he’s so convinced that’s he’s the stupidest person on earth. It’s like he’s accepted this and therefore is giving up on everything. I’m scared what his future may look like if he keeps thinking like this.

Therapy isn’t helping. Affirmation isn’t helping. I don’t to know what to do and I worry so much about him.

Idk if there’s even a solution here. I appreciate it if you read this far.