Friends spouse is a hoarder but she might be too?
I have a friend that says her husband is a hoarder, a trait he must have learned growing up. I didn't believe her until I went to her house for the first time several years ago for our kids to have a play date.
There is junk piled throughout the home, floors and almost every surface and into the garage. They live frugally so most things are donated to them, they get for extremely cheap/free either through his work or other means. At first I was sympathetic to her complaints and tried to give advice where I could. For a while now, I've mentioned that I would love to help her clean up a bit around the house. She works part time, is going to school to become a teacher and has two kids my children's age. Her husband is gone a lot either at work, with friends or out volunteering. Of course she's overwhelmed and finally asked me to help clean up her loft. She made it very clear that we can't touch anything of her husbands otherwise it would turn into a fight, which I understood. So we made a donate pile, a sell pile and a trash pile. As we went through most of her girls things, I made sure to pull her daughters aside occasionally and ask what they were willing to part with, which was quite a bit. At the end of our busy afternoon with maybe not quite half of the room organized, I let her know I was going to take things to the car. she immediately went through all the bags. the things that I knew wouldn't sell (I used to work for a kids toy/clothing consignment shop) and put into a donation bag, she pulled mostly out saying, "the girls will miss it". Before I had left we had basically done nothing more than shift things around the room.
Now I'm starting to think either she's enabled her husband to the point that she's taken on these tendencies too or she's also secretly a hoarder. I feel bad for her and her girls as I couldn't function as a housewife, let alone live that way day in and day out. I told my husband about the events and he said I should no longer offer to help. Should I be honest with her in some way? I can't be in her house without my anxiety flaring because it's just so overwhelming and I want to either clean or say things I wouldn't be able to take back. I appreciate her as a friend but it's almost too much for me.