u/toadsage_xoxo

Wow I think I've had the luckiest dream. I had a dream I had my fiance back to life for one week.

I was so happy I hugged him and kissed him. I was showing him around and I was avoiding showing him the alter I had of him because he never knew he died. I told him to call off of work for the rest of the week so he would be stress free and he said i cant somrone made the schedule for me and messed it up and i said its okay theyll fix it. I let him sleep all he wanted I let him wander off and relax... it was the craziest dream but I was so happy to have him for one more week! In my dream he didnt know he was going to die nor did he know he died. But I knew it was his last week again.

Right from the start he was already acting all condescending but whatever at the end of the transaction he decided to share a fun fact with me while giving me his little smirk with attitude saying

You know you can Google this its a fact people who smile more live longer..... and I thought about so many things to say like oh thats good to know maybe I'll get to see my fiance sooner now... or we'll my fiance did recently just pass away so I don't smile as much... but all I said was good for them I hope that made you feel better

... and he chuckled and said hey now you have a good day....

Now I wish I would have said more.. cus I wasn't being rude at all since the start... people want to act high an mighty and like theyre so good and kind souls because they smile but I know deep down hes a terrible person and isnt happy.

I hate 0it cus j don't want to love anyone else or even crush on anyone. But I truly truly miss having attention not from people cus I get that but from my partner I miss his love I miss kissing and hugging and the constant attention he'd give me and telling me I'm beautiful and everything. I feel guilty for wanting that. Even tho I don't want to dish it out.

Now that we know his cause of death its getting worse

I feel so guilty. He tried telling me but I thought he was lying!

About two weeks before he died idk if it was right before his hospital visit from faiting or right after he told me he was going to die soon! He told me the doctor told him he had clogged arteries and he just wanted us back together and his little family before anything..... I thought he was lying to make me feel bad and give him a chance. I remeber telling him "what happen to you can live without me and you dont need me?" And he said "i thought at first but im dumb i need you and i want to be with you i cant live without you".... when he told me I initially didn't believe him but still panicked... he kept telling me tho that she said he was doing better because he was working out and eating healthy but I think he was just trying to not worry me...... I wish I did more idk this sucks so fucking much.

So for mothers day i got my mother in law beautiful orchids a picture frame of him and a letter . And she called me which we haven't spoke since his funeral since I had cut her off. But we talked and it was good! However she did tell me that the detective told her the car crash was due to him having a stroke which is why he never let go of the gas pedal and went even faster.... two weeks before that he had a stroke that caused him to faint and idk he told me he was fine and the doctor let him go him but she told me he just left before they dismissed him..... we both don't know what the doctor told him... im sure he knew it was bad he just didn't want to accept it or was too scared... he was always scared of dying since he was a baby......

This hurts even more. He was only 28.

Happy mothers day to all my beautiful mothers out there!

And Happy mothers day to all the beautiful mommies in the afterlife🧡🧡🧡🧡 have a blessed day full of love abundance and happiness 🙏💓🥳🥳

I've been going through a journey where I am trying to let go of anger and hatred towards my fiances his sister and mother because it only hurts me and I want peace. Plus not everyone is perfect were only human and they were only human and we make mistakes... I think I've been doing great actually. I also started working out today was my first day and I want to continue doing it

Have you guys picked up any bad habits after their passing?.... my fiance left his vape in my house before he passed away.. I always judged him for it because I didn't want him vaping but I picked his up and finished it... now I came to buy another one that I always saw him using.... I dont like vaping but I truly feel closer to him...

How are you guys doing with your dreams? What do you guys usually dream?

I usually wake up more exhausted then I was before going to sleep... my dream are basically the same every other day... I try calling his phone number but either I can't remember his number (even tho I know it by heart) or I can't see my phone or I can't press the right buttons and it hurts me and gives me anxiety and pain and everything throught my dream.

So although I really dislike my fiances mother I am aware mothers day is coming up and since my fiance and his sister both passed away she has no children here with her. I still want to give her something. I've cut off all contact with her but I was thinking maybe I can leave a gift on her front door. My son and I always got her flowers she can keep growing in her garden but idk what to give her this time. Any ideas?

I actually really want to get her something js

So anyone who actually has experience this question is for you..

My fiance passed away 2 months ago.. we both did many "ritual" bonding ... blood included and sex included too but point is we've done several... since we didn't get the chance to marry are our souls still bonded.. Will I get to see him in the afterlife or however the soul works would it be with him?