u/twinkledwanderer

I love God so much. I love Jesus more than anything. He's awesome. For context, I started out being raised in a New Age home and it was horrible. I have a bunch of trauma from that.
A few years back I had an encounter with Jesus that changed my life for the better in every way. I gave my life to Him, and getting baptized was one of the best days of my life. Genuinely.

From then on I started at the very basics of all of my beliefs and rebuilt as someone who had given their life to Jesus. I questioned everything, even things I never thought I would ever question. And I asked God for help. I am and have always been a bisexual, LGBTQIA+ affirming, open, loving, Rupauls Drag Race watching, different religions respecting girl. And I restarted when I found Jesus by asking myself was all of the things I supported truly sin? I tried to be legalistic like pastors told me to be. Eventually (thankfully), after thorough prayer, fasting, fear, confusion, more prayer, and hearing Gods answers and not believing Him because it didn't match what pastors told me He would say, I realized that God is so loving. God made me bisexual. God loves everyone. Jesus is kind (not just in theory, literally).

I also realized that God wants us to have regulated nervous systems (peace). And that forcing everyone into a box of "you're only a good Christian if you hate gay people, go to church every Sunday, read your Bible every single day, never doubt, have a prayer closet, etc" is just not a healthy way to foster a relationship with the Lord. It puts perfectionism and moral superiority at the forefront of your relationship with God, leaving you to go through guilt and shame spirals always chasing the high of being "on fire for God". Thats not to say that reading your Bible every day or going to church every Sunday isn't a great goal, it is a wonderful goal, but it shouldn't be causing you shame if you're at a point in your life where you aren't doing that heavily.

Relationships ebb and flow, sometimes you are all up in your partners face and sometimes you see them a little less than you did in the beginning but when you do see them you give them a hug and tell them you love them. And maybe you miss them a bit and are excited for when you can see each other every day again. And then maybe at a different point you see that partner every single day again. The ebbing and flowing happens naturally and if it's a healthy relationship, it feels natural and doesn't come with shame and guilt because why would it? That would be toxic.
The same goes with God. Its normal.

Anyways, with all of these realizations. IM SCARED. I never want to do anything that would separate me from God. and unironically (or ironically? idk how to use that term lol), I know that Jesus is the one who is showing me all these things and this is me listening to Him. I'm still scared though. According to what I have been taught, being Christian looks one way and if you fall short you are failing. And even though I know that is not true, it still makes me feel like I'm "less of a Christian" or "not a good Christian" or like im doing something wrong when I just want to love Jesus, love others, and be at peace with Him and within myself.

I would love to find pastors who are affirming. Or more people who see Jesus this way. I love going to Church. I don't love hearing anti LGBTQIA+ rhetoric or hate speech dressed up as religious morality or legalism.

Also, I am not deconstructing so please dont comment that. That makes me uncomfortable. I'm happy being close to Jesus, I'm just realizing so many people have misinterpreted what it means to be close to Jesus in my opinion.

Anyways, I wanted to post this somewhere where maybe others would relate or understand. Because it has been on my mind a lot. Thanks for reading!!

( Also, all of this is my opinion and I am in no way trying to push my views on anyone )

PLEASE DO NOT COMMENT TELLING ME NOT TO BLEACH. I get it, it's damaging. Imma do it anyways. I do not want your warnings.

Now that thats out the way, I'm 2 years loc'd and ready to have some fun with my hair! Im using dark and lovely hi color to get the honey blonde that I want. I just retied my hair over the course of 4 days (I do it in sections). I don't use products, just water. And I just finished the last section yesterday. There is no tightness. How soon can I bleach my locs ??

Also, for the people who have colored their locs, what does your daily loc routine look like for moisture?

Thank you! 😄

Hi everyone!

I'm writing this from a much better place than I was last year.
Last year was the hardest thing I have ever done. From cutting off both abusive parents. My dog dying. Losing my best friend. It was horrible. I experienced acute grief, my knees buckling, slurred speech. The pain from it all was unimaginable. I had no clue how I would get through the loneliness, heartbreak. and realization that not only was this no contact permanent, but that my parents in fact do not love me and that they dont care enough to care enough. It nearly broke me.

Today, I am SO much better. SO MUCH BETTER. THANK GOD!!!
It didnt break me. I felt all the pain and I am still triggered sometimes but now im leaning more so towards indifference. I rarely ever cry about it and when pain comes its small much quieter waves, instead of the great big world ending tsunami I would feel everyday last year. I used to cry my eyes out to the song 'Matilda by Harry Styles'. I related to it so much and it made me so sad. Now I listen to the same song and I feel free, and maybe just a twinge of grief.

I just wanted to write this because idk... I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that it gets better. Because it does get better.

to anyone thats in the thick of it now, im so sorry you're feeling this unimaginable pain. I hope this post can give you some hope that it does get better. in your own time ❤️

Hi everyone! My fiance (AHHH!! Yay!!) and I are getting married either right at the en of may or in early June (still finalizing the date). The problem is we have no witnesses to come to our elopement. I have abusive parents who I am no longer in contact with sadly, and my fiancé's family is in another state and can not travel. We'd really love to get married soon but this is our dilemma. Would anyone be willing to make it and be our witnesses?