u/ummhamzat180

what it says in the title. if not, why? was Charles somehow opposed to dogs? what do we know about her relationship with pets in general?

I'm watching season 5 (first time, please no spoilers) and noticed that even Camilla has one. thought maybe it would have been helpful, for emotional support, Margaret has one as well. someone who would show unconditional love, would listen to her and maybe act as security if it's the right breed. if I had a dog I wouldn't go looking for compassion from people? also it could somewhat help, not to blend in but to have at least one safe common topic with the family. a Rottie maybe less so but still... it's a dog.

why not?

a question for brothers, really. I think a similar one was asked recently with opinions either from sisters or not entirely honest. um two questions.

scenario 1, would you marry a woman you aren't attracted to? she's doing okay with regards to her deen, has a kind supportive personality, is respectful, all of that, but frankly less than pretty, and you wouldn't think of her in that way. she doesn't mind, or even encourages you to find a second, younger and more attractive wife. this comes with opportunities to move to a better city, find a better job, material incentives. but she's more attracted to you than you are to her.

scenario 2, would you stay with a wife who is the mother of your children, reliable, supportive, tries her best but again, looks like a potato. the first two years of your marriage you had the butterflies, now she's old and boring. once again, you're encouraged to find a second wife, as an addition to the family and to protect you from haram, but divorce would leave your first wife devastated with essentially nowhere to go. do you save the marriage despite the lack of physical affection? thoughts?

may Allah bless you

всем доброй ночи, это очередной пост про сайты знакомств и поиски.

я 30 Ж и ищу кого-нибудь из Питера, старше меня, не инцела. не пью, курю вейп но планирую бросить. детей нет. рост вес 162/43.

я очень tradwife по характеру, где-то шляться не буду, уважать и слушаться буду, хотелось бы конечно с прицелом на долгосрочное но пока попробуем и посмотрим что получится. из диагнозов тревожно депрессивное, сейчас собираю себя по кусочкам после развода. вышиваю крестиком, смотрю Корону, стараюсь не материться. говорят что я честный, поддерживающий и понимающий человек. кому обычно доверяют и на кого опираются, кто всем вытирает сопли. иногда нужно чтобы кто-то вытер сопли мне, побыть маленькой опереться на кого-то чуть поплакать. это обычно на 5 минут не дольше. ещё я неплохо готовлю.

пожалуйста не пишите с других городов, младше 30 и с аллергией на котов, у меня длинношерстная кошка и в любой момент времени на мне есть какое-то количество шерсти

especially reverts. especially if you don't have strong irl ties with the local Muslims. if your immediate family are all non-Muslims... leave an emergency contact for them? I don't even know who that would be, the local mosque? if they're Ashari it's better than nothing, right? I'm hard pressed to think of a Salafi imam here who would take the job.. literally don't know how it should be done ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (doesn't count as a face)

if a woman dies heavily pregnant when her baby already has a soul...but she's a sinner with kabair she couldn't repent from or might be unable to admit to herself she did it (not zina, there are other serious sins) she.. would still be a shaheed, right?

I'm so scared. please make dua for me to die in a better condition than this. no it's not a medical emergency, I'm physically ok, just random thoughts

long post ahead, sorry. I could really use some advice from a female perspective. just had a lowkey argument with husband, alhamdulillah we kept it civil and I admit I was wrong but can't see a working solution.

I NEED attention. validation. need to feel loved, desired, pretty. I struggle with BDD and rejection sensitivity, it's a BIG DEAL when I tried so hard to win your appreciation, for literally anything, and all I get instead is "mhm thanks" or criticism. it started with my mom when I'd spend half the day cooking or cleaning or whatever and she'd only point out what was wrong. not to mention that I hate my hair, face, body, everything, I thought all hijabis were beautiful simply by virtue of being covered up, guess reality doesn't quite work this way, I used to wear a black niqab and looked just as ugly underneath.

the PROBLEM is, I need it in the middle of us trying to crawl out of (his) debt, family drama and lots of other circumstances but mostly financial. no, he's ADAMANT I shouldn't work even online, I asked (for the third time), not an option. and he DOES provide attention, compliments, all of that when he has the energy. may Allah bless him. it's just that today was a particularly bad day when my mental health was acting up and he was stressed too, at the same time, and.. yes, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. I KNOW that no means no. but it was difficult not to take it personally. this time.

question, how do you feel pretty enough, skinny enough, girly enough without committing haram? I don't post photos anywhere. and wouldn't even if my conscience didn't object to it because I feel UGLY. I don't even TAKE selfies, subhanAllah.

distractions... yeah. I'm not just a girl, I'm a student, a daughter, a cat owner, a decent cook. used to be a gamer. this only generates dopamine though, a sense of achievement, doesn't scratch the same itch of feeling pReTty 🌸✨ doesn't feel feminine...

he does value me as a person. when I'm not affected by waswas, understandably. I'm trying to be reliable, supportive, honest. I realize that LOVE is deeper than attraction but I'm starved for.. maybe a date night. maybe flowers, can wait until Eid. something of the sort.

I regret starting this conversation at the most inconvenient moment. and I actually want to prevent this from happening again. given that we have time to relax and simply enjoy each other's company maybe twice a month... how?

for a distraction from the marriage questions. actually, I hope this attracts answers and benefits others too, in shaa Allah. will try a well-formulated question

so, what constitutes the correct tadabbur? besides "this verse resonates with me somehow I should memorize it and practice it". when applying the meaning to our life, how to avoid twisting it? assuming we have access to as Saadi and ibn Katheer at the minimum.

in principle, I've heard every verse starting "o Prophet" applies to us as well, as we're meant to follow his, peace and Allah's blessings be upon him, example. there are exceptions of course.

years ago, admittedly I was younger and dumber and overly fascinated by some misguided sects so the premise was wrong but the question itself could still hold some value. 33:23. **Among the believers there are men true to their covenant with Allah...** this verse started an argument which grew into this question. I said, there STILL are and will always be, it's general it's applicable to our brothers today. a friend said no, don't take the Quran out of context, it's historical it's about THOSE believers at that battle, only. then we lost our friendship over...a lot of issues actually, but this included. I'm not asking who was right. rather... it's a meta question. how do we FIND OUT who's right?

at the moment, for another example, I have 4:75 stuck in my head. **the feeble among men and the women and children** okay it MAY seem to describe our situation, lots of Muslim women and children in oppressive countries will recognize themselves...but would it be appropriate to think this verse actually refers to us too? holds a lesson for us nowadays? how do we go from "resonates" to a clear meaning, free from our fantasies and opinions and misinterpretations, and more importantly from meaning to action?

... sorry I didn't phrase it well, in the end. may Allah increase us in beneficial knowledge

please don't delete, I'm trying to understand and improve, not start a gender war. barakallahu feekum.

am I correct to understand that a man's fitrah is that he prefers to be alone? even if you offered him the most perfect the most loving and obedient the prettiest the best wife overall? why? how can this be reconciled with religion? I THOUGHT their fitrah is that they want as many women as possible, okay alhamdulillah we have the answer for this one, he's allowed four. but what if he wants zero women in his life though .. how do I STAY in my husband's life while being invisible and less of a nuisance?

am I right to understand that a wife, any kind of wife, let alone children, is always by definition a liability? a burden? is this what they mean by responsibility? does she really add nothing to your life like nothing at all?

our Prophet, peace and Allah's blessings be upon him, enjoyed his wives. and perfume. I'd think maybe it was from his individual characteristics but then I can't remember anyone from the salaf who would voluntarily refuse to marry and have his decision approved. I don't know everyone though, maybe this was a thing maybe there's some rationale behind it.

right now I feel like it's a zero-sum game. a woman by definition wants a family (excluding career-oriented, child free women and so on, believe me I knew lots of them in their 50s and 60s). a man by definition wants to run away. and either live in sin or completely ignore his biological needs excuse me. what gives??

right now... I feel like it's an obligation. a burden for some apparently. like hijab is an obligation for women, very few women are naturally drawn to it, we're drawn to the reward. and the protection, the sense of dignity and respect... can't speak for everyone but I do see the benefits and I'm thankful for them. nevertheless. it's still jihad against shaytan's "you could wear very minimal makeup, you could wear florals or this or that, you could post a selfie..." EVERY sister knows this. is marriage a similar jihad for men, but with downsides only? is he staying only for Allah's sake only for the reward? is it really that difficult and unnatural?

he isn't even a father yet. even though he wanted kids at some point. idk when the Quran says children are a blessing and an adornment and anyone would be proud...and nowadays they're scared of the thought like it's the worst news that could happen. idk why our lived reality apparently doesn't match.

tl;dr how can I, as a nearly-divorced-and-yelled-at wife, make our home...nicer..more tolerable I guess. if he doesn't have any issues with me personally, rather with being married to ANYONE at all?

kinda similarly I'm holding onto him because he's whom Allah sent my way as the answer to my dua hopefully. I only asked for a righteous husband who would love me. any. never by name. well now alhamdulillah... I've grown to love him as a person too. but I'm more attached to the IDEA of a home built on deen. if it's with him, then he's the gift I have to show gratitude for. if it had been with anyone else, same. I CANNOT absolutely no way I could imagine living after divorce, this is a disgrace this will lose me both my dunya and akhirah... and it seems we want directly opposite things.