u/unknownartist233

Hello everyone👋

I just remembered my dream from today and I think I need to get this off my chest… I am german so please excuse my bad grammar.

I remember that when I was a child my mom once told me that we should never ever leave in a fight because we dont know whats gonna happen and she didnt want one of us to die on bad terms. That scared me a lot and we also fought a lot because she emotinally neglected me and I had to take on the responsibility of the emotions of all adults in my life since I can remember. Everytime we did have a fight I always dreamed of her dying and me just being so devastated.

I am now 23 years old and have been no contact with her for a few years. The dreams stopped at some point a few years ago. I am currently in my first serious relationship and we have been fighting a lot these past few months and I realised how bad my childhood actually influenced me. Same goes for my partner, we trigger each others trauma but actually we are starting to get much better at communicating and handling our emotions. We are currently in a very big fight though and I am unsure if our relationship will survive that.

So today I had that dream of my mother dying again. It was different than my other dreams before. To be honest I dont really remember the details. I think I was in a store and went on some kind of adventure there. I believe I had some sort of mission? I get a text from my dad saying that my mom died and I didnt respond. I am also very little contact with my dad. I was crying a lot but my feelings werent as gigantic as normally. My emotions tend to overwhelm me very easily and even small triggers can lead to me feeling like I wont survive that and trigger black and white thinking. I noticed that I got much better at to not let my feelings take over my whole life and there is like a calm spot that I found in myself and I realised that yesterday right before I went to sleep.

So my dream was not as overwhelming as they used to be. The only thing that was different is the regret of not having her in my life. To never be able to get any kind of closure. Never being able to know how her and her life was going ever since I went no contact. I do think about that quite a lot sometimes but I never dreamt this so clearly. It may be weird to some people but even though she was not a good mom and did some crazy stuff, I really do love her a lot. I want her back in my life, I know I cant when she doenst go to therapy but I dont know if I will ever be able to give up hope for her. She was so brave all of her life and never gave up! I have to thank her for my braveness and motivation to never give up on myself.

I did try to contact her a few times over the years. When I moved out she tried to text or call my for a few months but I ignored all of that. At some point she stopped and I couldnt stop myself from texting her. To be fair my texts were quite confrontational and direct. But I also very clearly stated that I do want her in my life but she has to go to therapy. She didnt really respond much other than that one text where she said that she is trying to deal with her emotions regarding my texts first but she will always love me. At some point she blocked me. That was like a year ago but I still hope she will come back. I have no idea what is going on inside her mind. I kinda regret some of the messages but honestly I dont know how I could have handled that differently.

Everyone around me seems to be able to get along with their parents and it hurts so much to see that. No one really gets me or all these mixed feelings I have about her. Everytime I said that I want to go back to her people assume I am joking. I tried telling them that I am for real but I dont think anyone understands. I know her childhood and what she had to go through so I kind of understand and she did try to get better.. but it wasnt enough. And she is currently living with her boyfriend who is an alcoholic and aggressive so I really cant go back to her without putting my life at risk.

Sometimes I wonder if I could have a better relationship to her if her childhood wasnt as bad. Or maybe she will get better? She will be 50 years old next year.. I dont want her to die or get alzheimers. She is at a lot of health risks and sometimes it feels like she could die just suddenly at any moment. And maybe no one would even think of telling me about it…

Hallo,

Ich bin eigentlich echt sehr glücklich bei meinem Minijob aber die letzten Wochen waren echt katastrophal. Ich arbeite auch nur ein Mal in der Woche dort, aber fahre da auch eine Stunde hin.

Vor drei Wochen bin ich extra früh aufgestanden für die Frühschicht und als ich angekommen bin wurde ich nach Hause geschickt weil ich nicht mehr auf dem Plan stand. Wir haben auch eine freiwillige App mit dem Dienstplan und Urlaubsanträgen. Diese App hatte leider die Tage vorher Serverprobleme und ich konnte mich nicht anmelden. Das passiert häufiger mal. Als ich mich wieder anmelden konnte habe ich gesehen, dass mir für diese Woche ein Urlaubsantrag genehmigt wurde.

Heute hätte ich wieder arbeiten sollen. Ich bin heute morgen nochmal auf die App gegangen und habe gesehen, dass ich wieder aus dem Dienstplan verschwunden bin und für den gestrigen Tag ein Urlaubsantrag drin stand der aber bisher nicht genehmigt wurde. Ich habe dort angerufen und mein Chef war leider gerade nicht da, aber er hat wohl diese Urlaubsanträge gestellt und das alles geändert und mir wurde bestätigt dass ich dann nicht kommen soll.

Jetzt habe ich eben nochmal auf die App geschaut und stehe plötzlich für Freitag auf dem Plan?
Das ist alles ohne jegliche Absprache passiert und ich wurde nicht einmal angerufen um mir Bescheid zu geben… Ich finde leider meinen Arbeitsvertrag nicht und kenne mich mit dem Arbeitnehmerrechten nicht aus. Dürfen die das einfach so machen? Reicht es dass ich die Planänderung über die App sehen kann und mir keiner Bescheid gibt? Ich würde da eventuell morgen nochmal anrufen aber irgendwo regt mich das so auf dass ich einfach Freitag nicht kommen will… Letzte Woche war ich leider krank sonst hätte ich das schon mit meinem Chef besprochen

Hallo :)

Ich hoffe dieses explizitere Thema ist in Ordnung in diesem Channel.

Ich bin auf der Suche nach zum Beispiel sowas wie Handfesseln/Zwangsjacken. Aber auch generell eigentlich so einigem was zur BDSM Szene gehört oder generell in die Richtung Sextoys geht.

Leider finde ich es sehr schwierig wenn ich zum Beispiel nach diesen breiteren Handfesseln, Strap Ons oder Keuschheitsgürteln suche, da viele davon aus Leder sind oder nicht mal irgendwo angegeben wird woraus sie bestehen.

Mein Budget hält sich leider auch sehr in Grenzen.

Hat da jemand Erfahrung mit? Vielleicht Empfehlungen für Online Shops oder Filialen in Hamburg/Lübeck?