u/viperemu

My mom is a living martyr for her family, and she’ll never let you forget it. She would tell us all the time growing up that she was going to become a doctor, but when she got pregnant, she had to set aside all of her personal wants and needs and dreams to take care of us kids, so basically we all better do something with our lives so her grand sacrifice was worth it. First gen immigrant, IYKYK. I swore my whole life that I would never put that level of pressure on any of my future kids.

I’ve been doing some journaling lately and I’m realizing that maybe I’m sacrificing more of myself that I really want to for my family. A lot of my own preferences for things have gone out the window to make space for what the family needs, not what I need or want. I know it’s natural for certain things to not matter as much as we get older, and sacrifice is a necessary part of parenthood, but I worry I’m becoming more of my mother than I want to, just with less whinging (which doesn’t necessarily make it any better). I’m trying to get ahead of resentment here.

For those of you do intentionally make your preferences and needs matter, how do you really take care of yourself, what does that actually mean for you? How do you occasionally put yourself first in the hierarchy of family needs? I’m starting to explore where to take back a bit more space and could use some examples.

Hi everyone, I’m starting the process of hiring someone who I think would function as a “household manager”. I’m wondering if someone who’s done this before can give some feedback, challenges, things I ought to know…

What we’re looking for:
- someone to essentially act as another grownup in the house, to handle household tasks to reset the house while we are working.
- tasks we’d envision the role including: dishes (dishwasher, hand washing, cleaning the sink); getting garbage and recycling out; tidying and wiping down counters, including perhaps putting away groceries; tidying away books and toys in living room and play room; floors (sweeping, mopping on the main floor as needed.) Also considering occasionally including very light food prep (ie chopping up an onion or peppers for dinner).
- the person would come for probably 4-5 hrs a week, split across a Monday and a Thursday or Friday.

Questions:

1. is “household manager” the right term I’m looking for?
2. would you pay a flat rate or hourly?

Curious to hear if others have guidance for me, I’m gathering names through Care.com to reach out to later this week. Thank you!!

Happy Sunday. I know I’m getting ahead of myself a bit, but I’m currently pregnant with complications and I’m trying to get as much planned out as possible to relieve stress later on, so bear with me.

My son will be 2.5 at Christmas and knowing his personality and the early excitement we’re seeing around Halloween, I am so excited for Christmas with him. We did essentially nothing outside of Christmas Day presents with him last year.

I’m still trying to envision what I want our family Christmas traditions to look like. We are away from family and don’t see any for Christmas, so for a decade, my husband and I have built our own traditions but most of them aren’t especially toddler-friendly… I’m also aware that our lives are busier than ever, so I don’t want to set big expectations that I’ll then feel I’ve let down later on.

So, as I’m in brainstorming mode, I’d love to hear - those of you with toddlers (or beyond), what does the Christmas season look like for you? What other activities are important to your family? (Going to look at lights? Christmas crafts? Cookies? Advent? Christmas jammies? Acts of service?)

I’m just about 15 weeks pregnant with my second, and I’ve got gestational hypertension. It mostly stabilized out in the two years between pregnancies, but I’m starting to see it develop again over the last couple weeks, and I’m starting medication. I also developed postpartum preeclampsia after my first, so we’re tracking it a whole lot closer this go around. I’ve got a few colleagues who I’ve shared my pregnancy news with and all made a comment like “it sounds like you’ll need to be requesting some accommodations at work!”

I have not told management yet about the pregnancy but I plan to within the next couple weeks so that we can get started on wrapping up and handing off projects etc. I do feel I ought to be reducing environmental causes for increased blood pressure to at least help keep things in check from that end…

I am an attorney and I appear in court about 16 hours a week at a minimum.

I’ve never requested any kind of accommodations at work before, and I’m not aware of any colleagues who have requested accommodations, so this may sound like a dumb question: for those who worked through their pregnancy and experienced gestational hypertension or other complications, what accommodations did you request? For health insurance and financial reasons, I want to keep working as long as I can.

Also yes, meeting with my doctor tomorrow to get her input - trying to be in big picture brainstorming mode here.

Hi everyone, I’ve had a few experiences that have brought to mind just how many hundreds of decisions I make all day long. I’m decision fatigued to the max and I’m now really understanding now why Steve Jobs wore the same clothes everyday.

Curious to hear from you all decisions you’ve made once to then not have to think about it again, at home, work etc. On a small scale, I bought a ton of spaghetti sauce today that was on an amazing price and thought, with relief, “that’s my spaghetti sauce for the year taken care of.” lol and the last few months we’ve settled on Friday dinner being air fryer pizza.

I was a big proponent of the cardigan from like ages 15-20, the era in which business casual wear was for going out. Especially those ones that cut off at the waist and went down to the elbows. 😂 Very thin, with teeny buttons. Perhaps unsurprisingly, I haven’t really touched a cardigan since. I’m now a real life professional, and I’d like to dip my toe into cardigans again for a bit of variety.

Leaving the question of whether and when a cardigan is court appropriate to me, can I hear from LBWT about their favorite brands for real life professionals? I generally like something with some tailoring and structure, with a bit of weight. I’ve seen clothing called “jardigans” on J Crew and places like that - what the hell are those?

Thank you!

I’m looking for a pep talk… TLDR, I am looking to step down from the leadership aspects of my job and step back into being a regular line employee. I’ve never quit anything since starting my career and could use some validation from someone who’s done it before… A few identifying details have been changed.

I work at a large organization and have done for nearly 10 years. I love the work and because I am a go getter millennial trained to seek out advancement opportunities, I applied for a management position and got it, just over a year ago. That looked like a small reduction in current work load and some added big training and management responsibilities. In short, I hate it. The role has expanded drastically since I started, leaving me with less time for my clients. I have advocated for myself in a variety of different ways that I needed more support, that this was beyond what was originally asked of me (all sorts of specific asks) - with minimal success. A few months ago, I made some progress with one of my requested supports but it has made only minor adjustments to my overall workload.

Taking on this position has increased my work stress and left me disconnected from the enjoyable parts of my job. I’m disillusioned working closely with our executive board. There are a few toxic personalities who dominate all decisions. I’m burnt out and have been for months. I think I’ve been depressed. I’ve been mulling over for months stepping back from leadership and asking to be just a regular ol employee again and now is the time. I’m also newly pregnant, it’s high risk, and I just do not need any added stress right now. My toddler deserves a happier mom who is less stressed and I want my evening time back for my husband and I.

So I want to step back. I haven’t ever quit anything before. Mama didn’t raise no quitter. And I’m not aware of anyone else ever quitting management at this level before. There is no obvious candidate to take over my role and that will create some upset. I’ll get a lot of questions of colleagues and I need a go to response. The role came with a nominal pay raise that I’m happy to give up (think like 1% lol). They may attempt to negotiate with me into staying in management. After months of advocating for support and being ignored, disregarded, or gaslit, that’s a conversation I’m not willing to have. But I am sensitive to that inevitable conversation and don’t want to burn bridges. I’ve made friends among some of the other managers who will likely feel hurt at not “sticking through it with them.” Do I blame my pregnancy for the need to step back (it’s honestly what’s pushed me into being sure this is the right thing)? I otherwise wasn’t planning to tell my coworkers and org until I’m well into second trimester. But I’m just not willing to sacrifice myself for the company anymore and I think I’ll breathe easier the sooner I pull the bandaid off.

Any pep talks or guidance would be helpful. Again, the decision is made; but I’d really benefit from hearing others’ experiences or advice here on the conversation and the follow through.

(Public defenders, for the uninitiated.)

I’m 7 years in, 7 years into PSLF, and contemplating my next moves. I’d always thought I’d stick with it my whole career but I just don’t see that happening anymore for a variety of reasons. I deeply care about my clients and the cause, but the moral injury I feel is serious. I have experience all the way up into capital cases. Curious to hear what others have done next as I’m in brainstorming mode.

I’m curious to hear from those whose industries allow sabbaticals - how common are they? Any actual effect on career trajectory? How it’s perceived in your company (ie someone taking a sabbatical is less dedicated etc.). If people take sabbaticals in your industry, about how many years of experience do they have beforehand? How long of a sabbatical is typical? Do people come back refreshed or do they leave the company?

Thank you!

Why I’m asking: my office (law) used to offer - and in some instances, require - sabbaticals until about 8 years ago, under different leadership. I am now in lower level leadership myself. I and many others at my level of experience are burning out (particularly women/working moms). I’m wondering if sabbaticals can be a part of a bigger solution here.