u/wartooththepik

I was in a relationship for two years with a woman who suffers from borderline personality disorder.

This disorder does not come from nowhere; it is a response to trauma. That is why, despite what can happen during a crisis, people who suffer from it deserve empathy.

My partner took care of herself. She stopped drinking alcohol, stopped smoking, saw a therapist, and practiced breathing exercises. She didn’t let herself fall apart for the sake of her loved ones, because deep down, she is simply someone who feels emotions very intensely—it is we who sometimes struggle to handle them.

But I did not take care of my own mental health. I have my own issues: I hate myself, and I self-harm. Yet I did not make the effort to improve or to truly consider my mental well-being.

Because of that, I became less and less able to handle her crises. At the beginning, I had the patience to step back from her anger and try to validate her emotions. But after two years, I found myself becoming defensive much more quickly.

Today, we had to separate—not because we no longer love each other, but because of my immaturity. I should have seen a therapist. I told myself that she deserved someone who would take care of her, someone who would put her needs first. But how could I help her if I myself was not well?

She is a good person, fighting every day with a complex and highly stigmatized disorder. I should have followed her example and taken care of myself before trying to save her.

To those who have loved ones suffering from borderline personality disorder: it is very hard for you, but it is especially hard for them. Sometimes you may feel like it’s too much—and that is okay.

You need to take care of yourself in order to take care of them effectively.

I regret not having had the maturity to be the person she deserved.

Thank you for reading.

I was in a relationship for two years with a woman who suffers from borderline personality disorder.

This disorder does not come from nowhere; it is a response to trauma. That is why, despite what can happen during a crisis, people who suffer from it deserve empathy.

My partner took care of herself. She stopped drinking alcohol, stopped smoking, saw a therapist, and practiced breathing exercises. She didn’t let herself fall apart for the sake of her loved ones, because deep down, she is simply someone who feels emotions very intensely—it is we who sometimes struggle to handle them.

But I did not take care of my own mental health. I have my own issues: I hate myself, and I self-harm. Yet I did not make the effort to improve or to truly consider my mental well-being.

Because of that, I became less and less able to handle her crises. At the beginning, I had the patience to step back from her anger and try to validate her emotions. But after two years, I found myself becoming defensive much more quickly.

Today, we had to separate—not because we no longer love each other, but because of my immaturity. I should have seen a therapist. I told myself that she deserved someone who would take care of her, someone who would put her needs first. But how could I help her if I myself was not well?

She is a good person, fighting every day with a complex and highly stigmatized disorder. I should have followed her example and taken care of myself before trying to save her.

To those who have loved ones suffering from borderline personality disorder: it is very hard for you, but it is especially hard for them. Sometimes you may feel like it’s too much—and that is okay.

You need to take care of yourself in order to take care of them effectively.

I regret not having had the maturity to be the person she deserved.

Thank you for reading.

Je suis à un stade de craquage mental, je me sens perdre le contrôle de mon corps et de mes réactions.

Je n’attends pas spécialement de réponse ni vraiment de conseil, j’ai juste besoin de sortir ça de ma tête.

J’ai enchaîné les échecs, professionnels et artistiques. Je ne pense pas en supporter un de plus.

Depuis petit, je connais l’humiliation et les hurlements, et j’ai la sensation que toute ma vie les mêmes situations se répètent à l’infini, comme si j’étais incapable d’apprendre de mes erreurs.

Aujourd’hui, après avoir échoué dans mon école de musique, je suis en relation avec une femme borderline depuis deux ans. J’ai sincèrement envie d’être là pour elle et d’être aussi présent que possible, mais c’est beaucoup trop dur. En tant qu’amant, je suis loin d’être parfait, c’est vrai. Mais aujourd’hui, je n’en peux plus. Sa dernière crise était tellement violente (pas physiquement, elle ne s’en prend pas à moi), mais elle tient des propos extrêmement violents concernant mes amis et moi-même, et s'est mit à hurler à pleins poumons dans la rue, en pleine ville.

Cette dernière crise a provoqué chez moi des traumatismes. Aujourd’hui, quelques jours se sont écoulés, et des flashs de son visage pendant la crise me reviennent. Je me mets en boule, je me frappe, je pleure.

Je ne peux pas dormir, car quand je ferme les yeux, je l’entends hurler.

Je sais que des gens passent par bien pire, je m’en rends bien compte.

Mais j’ai quand même besoin de sortir tout ça. Je n’ai jamais été aussi mal mentalement, et je me sens attendre le point de non-retour.

Bref, merci de m’avoir écouté (lu).