37M, Very confused, maybe depressed
I have been separated for around 2 years, and got divorced, a few months back. My only company was my dog, who passed away 3 months back. I would cry several hours at night hugging my dog and ask her not to leave, because she was very sick. Since her death, I randomly burst into tears when I am driving, in the shower, middle of my sleep. I always thought I was strong and had stable emotions, I cant understand myself now.
Current Relationship: I am in relationship with a single mother, an amazing woman. She often stays busy because of work and her child. I crave for attention, make plans, and she often cancels because she has too much on her plate. I feel dejected. I know she isnt wrong, I just feel very very disappointed that I stop talking and feel like ending the relationship. This is probably because I really want it to break and I dont have any expectations anymore. I have deep respect for her and how she deals with her own life, and when I am upset with her, I start getting self doubts, am I a person who deserves a partner? Why cant I have stable emotions? Why cant I accept that I am not her first priority. I never tell her anything and I encourage her to do what is more important, but these are my feelings.
I dont know if I need therapy. I dont have anyone to talk to, because I have made my current partner my whole world, and I dont want to share any of these feelings, because I dont want to bother her. I dont even know if talking to a therapist will help.