u/wendysfrostylover

i love my father and he’s a very sweet man. fortunately, while he is open-minded in a lot of things, going out is not one of them. he doesn’t want me going out more than once a week. if i’m not home by 11, it’s a BIG problem. i can’t go out past a 20 mile radius. i understand this is a massive privilege compared to a lot of other brown women, but still, i see a few of my friends not even struggle with this at all.

it sucks because im 23 and a lot of my friends have done multiple out of state trips, can stay out past 11, and can go out spontaneously.

i’ve started holding my ground on a few of these rules, but it’s just so hard because i hate breaking his heart.

it makes me even more upset when i see my mom (a married, middle-aged brown woman) still get into arguments with my dad about going out with her friends. we’re always told “once you get married, that’s when you can do x, y, and z.” but like… a lot of married brown women in my life still aren’t able to do things they want & their wants have to revolve around their husbands.

how do we even earn social autonomy?

i’ve been spiraling over a relationship issue with my boyfriend for a few weeks now. he’s been going through some of his own problems so in response, he’s been pulling away and leaving me on delivered for hours. it makes me feel 10x worse.

today, i decided i just can’t do it anymore so i tried to launch a breakup. because every time i talk to him as of recently, i get triggered and it becomes a huge thing. also, i just feel like he shouldn’t be dealing with my spiral when he’s going through a situation of his own.

long story short… he told me that that i should “stop spiraling.” to which, i asked how and he responded “it’s all mental. it’s not that hard”

i wish it wasn’t hard. it just seems like such an insensitive thing to say. i’m not crazy right? that is a weird thing to say?

i had to quit my job to focus on my senior year of university & other extracurricular activities. as a result, i can’t splurge on massive gifts. the most i could do is probably $20-$30.

my boyfriend said it’s okay to not get him anything and he’d be happy with just a note. however, his mother passed away a month ago to a very aggressive cancer and it’s been very hard time for him.

i want to make him a gift basket, but im not sure what i should get him. he won’t tell me and says my note and time are enough. however, i do want to do something big.

i’m thinking maybe a scrap book of our memories, letters, and a nice hoodie or steam giftcard. i’m not really sure. are flowers better? should i paint him something?

also, he’s turning 21.

i’m just looking for ideas from everyone :) thank you!