u/wildhcnt

Apologies for a slightly misleading title! I’ve always had a vague interest in classical music (my partner is a pianist) and I’ve always wanted to learn an instrument but could never find the “right” instrument for me. I dabbled in piano and guitar for a little while but I keep on coming back to the cello. For Christmas my very sweet parents have decided to gift me cello lessons for 2027; I’m very excited and very eager!

As someone with very little practical musical background, I’ve started studying music theory and looking into ear training. I’m not expecting to learn anything of incredible value over the next few months, but I want to fall even more in love with the cello before I get my hands on one.

What would you recommend to become more comfortable with an instrument you’ve never played? For adult learners, what are some things you wish you knew before beginning? Is there anything I can do to physically prepare myself for the cello?

I don’t expect to become Jacqueline du Prè or anything through blind self-study (or even at all!) but I’d like to have even a somewhat decent baseline than absolutely nothing going into it!

I weigh slightly more than my boyfriend who is practically the same height as me and being in a relationship with him kind of feels like an ED final boss fight. I feel like I spend more time in this self made competition with him to finally be the smaller one than I do in the actual relationship… I spend so much time comparing my body to his, my meals to his, and every harmless offhand comment he could possibly make about my body (positive or negative) becomes a reason to restrict. I genuinely feel like this is the primary thing fuelling my ED like nothing has ever been this triggering in my entire life.

How is anyone supposed to get through something like this? I feel like I can easily prevent myself from being competitive with my friends but with him it’s unavoidable. Anytime I read any advice in the vein of just accepting the size difference it feels like my brain is clawing at me to call it cope and get worse. It feels like an affront to my womanhood, my femininity, my personhood in every aspect. To the depth of my being I just cannot handle the concept.

I genuinely don’t know what anyone on this subreddit could say to help me but knowing other people feel even vaguely similarly/have gone through this would help me feel less alone i think 🫶

My bf is my height and around my weight and it’s like no matter how much I restrict or lose weight he’s always in my mind as the smaller one and it’s the most triggering thing on earth. I’ve always been insecure about being “big” because of my height and it’s probably what started my ed when I was 11. Like I always felt masculine and ugly and like I took up too much space… now I’m in love with the sweetest man on earth but more than ever before I have those feelings of being not small enough, not dainty or feminine enough. I’m well aware that there’s some patriarchal brainwashing that’s definitely shaping a lot of these thoughts but that doesn’t make them any less painful…

The thought of lying next to him, touching him makes me indulge in all my bad habits and I find myself upset with him instead of myself, almost like he’s forced me to restrict just by being thin. Everytime he tells me what he’s eaten throughout the day it makes me incredibly conscious of what I’ve had like im in a constant competition with the person I love the most in the world.

I know logically that these thoughts are terrible which makes me feel terrible for having them it’s like there’s no escape. And I know I’m making our relationship unhealthy through this.

Literally any help or kind words be so so appreciated, I’m completely lost.

My bf is my height and around my weight and it’s like no matter how much I restrict or lose weight he’s always in my mind as the smaller one and it’s the most triggering thing on earth. I’ve always been insecure about being “big” because of my height and it’s probably what started my ed when I was 11. Like I always felt masculine and ugly and like I took up too much space… now I’m in love with the sweetest man on earth but more than ever before I have those feelings of being not small enough, not dainty or feminine enough. I’m well aware that there’s some patriarchal brainwashing that’s definitely shaping a lot of these thoughts but that doesn’t make them any less painful…

The thought of lying next to him, touching him makes me indulge in all my bad habits and I find myself upset with him instead of myself, almost like he’s forced me to restrict just by being thin. Everytime he tells me what he’s eaten throughout the day it makes me incredibly conscious of what I’ve had like im in a constant competition with the person I love the most in the world.

I know logically that these thoughts are terrible which makes me feel terrible for having them it’s like there’s no escape. And I know I’m making our relationship unhealthy through this.

Literally any help or kind words be so so appreciated, I’m completely lost.

Not the first time I’ve made a post about this but probably my last concerning it, I’m so sick of thinking like this.

My bf is my height and around my weight and it’s like no matter how much I restrict or lose weight he’s always in my mind as the smaller one and it’s the most triggering thing on earth. I’ve always been insecure about being “big” because of my height and it’s probably what started my ed when I was a child. Like I always felt masculine and ugly and like I took up too much space… now I’m in love with the sweetest man on earth but more than ever before I have those feelings of being not small enough, not dainty or feminine enough. I’m well aware that there’s some patriarchal brainwashing that’s definitely shaping a lot of these thoughts but that doesn’t make them any less painful…

The thought of lying next to him, touching him makes me indulge in all my bad habits and I find myself upset with him instead of myself, almost like he’s forced me to restrict just by being thin. Everytime he tells me what he’s eaten throughout the day it makes me incredibly conscious of what I’ve had like im in a constant competition with the person I love the most in the world.

I know logically that these thoughts are terrible which makes me feel terrible for having them it’s like there’s no escape. And I know I’m making our relationship unhealthy through this.

Literally any help or kind words be so so appreciated, I’m completely lost.

There’s not been a single day over the last couple weeks where I’ve eaten a non-ridiculously low number of calories and yet my scale is yo-yo-ing within the same kg. I’m sick of being tired and hungry all the time with nothing to show for it, I’m sick of denying myself happiness (going out to dinner with friends, doing my favourite sports because I’m too weak to do so, letting my boyfriend see or touch me etc) all because of this stupid disorder. And yet, I can’t recover for whatever reason. I can’t eat more for whatever reason….

I’m nowhere near my period so I know these aren’t hormonal fluctuations, I pretty much only eat whole foods so I shouldn’t have an issue with carb or salt bloat and I’m completely certain my calorie counting is correct… feels like some sort of cosmic punishment.

I see no solution in sight and I don’t think I could function well enough if I reduce my intake even further. I can’t imagine waiting it out if it is a plateau and prolonging the insanity… Its almost laughable the amount of control these silly numbers have over my life.