Wanted to ask if anyone else was experiencing it. I cashed out an hour ago, got the Prolific email, and crickets. I know it can take up to 24 hours but usually is nearly instantaneous.
[Edit] It’s been four hours. Nothing.
In March of this year, I found out the very wanted pregnancy I was carrying was nonviable because my baby had acrania (her skull didn't form correctly in utero). I had to endure an induction of labor and five failed attempts at an epidural to deliver her. I was 21 weeks along when she was born/died. Then I was on FMLA for five weeks, during which my husband's job announced major cuts.
After the stress and anxiety of living in Jacksonville post-termination and my job specifically, we decided to relocate to Greenville, SC. Our plan was to live with my MIL (something which she was totally on board with). After undertaking a massive move with two cats, a dog, and a three-year-old, we arrived to be told that we'd "misunderstood" and we were only able to stay with my MIL for a week.
Cue having to scramble to find (and afford) a rental. We did. And on August 1st, I also got the formal melanoma diagnosis. My health insurance coverage doesn't start until Sept. 1st but I've been booked in to see a surgical oncologist on that day.
Meanwhile, I have a partially-erupted wisdom tooth that's wreaking havoc on my jaw. And guess what? You can't book a WLE/SLNB and a wisdom tooth extraction less than six weeks apart because my oral surgeon is very worried about infection and anesthesia issues.
All of this while also enrolling my son in school, navigating a new job, unpacking a new house, and living my life. I feel like screaming and crying and curling up into a ball. The worst thing that happened to me should've been the termination and now its just on a list of the worst things happening. There's a part of my that's bracing for the worst possible news from the WLE/SLNB because this has been a worst possible news year.
I want this to be over. I want it to be November and my teeth are fixed and I have answers about the melanoma. The waiting feels like emotional and physical torture. And I just needed to write it all out because my brain is like a full-time fire alarm right now.
Thank you for reading and thank you to everyone who posts in this community.
38F, just diagnosed with nodular melanoma on my ear (left superior helix) via shave biopsy. I caught because a mole started looking off (brown, tricolored, a little raised). Breslow depth is at least 0.8mm, no ulceration, no lymphovascular invasion, so on paper, “thin and favorable,” but the margins weren’t clear so I’m waiting on a WLE to get the real staging.
This has been a rough year already, so the timing feels like a lot. No family history of melanoma at all. I don’t have health insurance until September, so I’m also sitting with a few weeks of “waiting” before I can move forward with surgery, which is its own kind of hard.
Logically I know thin melanoma has really good outcomes. Emotionally I’m having a harder time not spiraling. Would love to hear from anyone who’s been through the excision process, especially on the ear: recovery, what staging looked like after, anything that helped you get through the waiting part.
Glad to have found this community, even though I wish I didn’t need it.
I want to thank everyone in this sub. Your posts, your comments, and your stories have helped tremendously. We've been working on toileting with our son since he was 24 months old. With his teachers (full-time daycare), OT, SLP, and home. We've been trying, trying, trying. He had awareness of the whole ritual - sit on the toilet, wipe, flush, wash your hands, etc. - but he didn't seem to realize that HE could pee and poop. None of the methods seemed to work - Oh Crap!, three days, tiny plastic toilet, toilet seat, etc.
About three weeks ago, he had a stomach virus that caused him to poop frequently for about 2 days. After day one, he had a slightly sore butt from diarrhea. He randomly said, "I need to poop on the potty" and ran into the bathroom. We sat and he freaking POOPED! I cried, he cheered, and my MIL who was visiting was cheering, too. That happened two more times.
Since then, both us and his daycare teacher have been really encouraging bathroom breaks daily. Two days ago, he successfully pooped again (major victory!) and then yesterday he freaking peed in the toilet!!! I cried, he cheered so loud my ears hurt, my husband clapped, we FaceTimed all the grandparents. It was a massive celebration. Today, he peed again in the toilet. I feel like we've reached this amazing milestone and I'm so excited for what we've achieved.
TFMR at 21+5 for acrania on 3/28/26. L&D 30 hours.
I am very open about my experience when people ask. I think there's something empowering about sharing my story but it also helps to de-stigmatize the abortion and loss experience. When I tell people about my loss, they often want to include their own story almost like its a competition? Or maybe they think it will help me somehow to hear what they've lived? Sometimes its revelatory, like when someone shares that they, too, have had experienced a TFMR. Other times, it feels like I'm now the person they need to trauma dump on.
For example, one coworker is going through fertility treatments (12+ months). Since I came back to work last week, she's made it a point to come into my office each day to talk at me about her fertility journey. I get to hear about blood tests and sonograms and hysterscopies. I finally told her today that I wasn't really in a place where I was ready to hear about her journey. She said, "I totally understand. I know what it feels like to lose a child. Each month when I get a negative, its like that's another baby lost," Girl. Read the fucking room. Not getting pregnant is not equivalent to my experience.
I've also found that people think I want to hear about their losses. Like an older neighbor (50s) who asked me (rather nosily) why I had so many people come visit our house. I shared that I experienced a pregnancy loss, to which she launched into a literal five minute explanation of how she lost twins at 38 weeks in 2001. She went into great detail, both graphic and emotional, and essentially trauma dumped on me when I was less than week postpartum from my loss. I didn't say anything to her and just walked back into my house.
It's one thing to be a space designated for sharing and advice (like this sub) but its another to be standing on the street and have someone think that your experience means they can now tell you every intimate detail of their fertility and pregnancy journeys.
/rant