I hate that I’m jealous of other people
I have a friend staying with my this summer while she goes through an egg retrieval. She’s 38.5 and I’m 40, and I warned her that the process can be tough and disappointing at this age. I did a round of IVF in January, had 11 eggs which turned into 3 (untested) embryos, first transfer failed. I’ve been talking to my therapist about whether this experience will be triggering for me, and I didn’t think it would be — I like the idea of being there for my friend and supporting her through what was a very tough process for me. Anyway, she had her baseline today and had 30 follicles. I suddenly felt overwhelmed with jealousy. I had prepared to support her through a process that was like mine, not one which is way more successful than mine. I feel like shit that I felt jealous rather than happy for her. I know that follicles don’t mean anything about final result, but it just really triggered my sense of inadequacy and failure in this process.