u/wumfyy

i've made 2 posts already but i just need to write down what im thinking. My grandpa always had this moustache and a beard, he was bald at the top and had this ring like haircut, he always wore his blue jacket and has the bluest eyes ive ever seen. He doesnt have his beard or moustache anymore, his eyes look hollow and he looks really upset. His voice has changed, he no longer sounds like a grizzly bear type of guy. He can only yell when something is wrong and we need to roll him around in a wheelchair. He can still smile and he smiles if i smile at him. He has no clue who i am but that's okay. He has lost a lot of weight because he refuses to eat a lot of the time, he ate half a piece of cake today and had some soup and apple pie earlier. He's constantly around people and the workers there are very kind and helpful.

I know it's not long anymore before he passes, i visit him every couple of weeks and it's worse everytime. It's hard to go visit but i won't let myself sit at home and then get eaten by the guilt of not seeing him enough. I find myself to be really angry at my other family members because half of them haven't even visited once. I am the youngest out of my entire family and same as them i also have shit to do. But if i have a spare day i choose to visit. I know this is selfish but part of me doesn't wish to see them at the funeral if it comes, because to me it seems like if they don't care enough to see him alive why should they come see him dead. I don't really mean that but part of me feels that way.

I really love my grandpa and it's sad he doesn't know me anymore but i know him and that's all that matters.

todays visit :)

I am someone who thinks a lot about everything and recently it has really hit me how unfair it is to actually be a woman. I've grown to hate men a lot in that time. It's really getting to the point where half of my day I'm angry about it or I think about it and then get angry.

I have a very sweet and loving boyfriend, I would do anything for him. He is such an angel and a very sensitive boy. I've noticed that because of my anger and stress I've been less attentive to him. I'm trying to be better at that and not let it get in the way but it's hard.

Because I know myself very well I know that for me to let this hatred go I need time. But I would like to know if there's any way I can stop letting it get in my way until I can fully let go. Thank you!

I made a post earlier but my grandpa has gotten so much worse. He had a brain bleed and they aren't going to treat him for it. He doesn't recognise me anymore and it kills me. Because all I can do is sit there smiling at him because I don't want him to get upset. He doesn't speak properly, he constantly just wants to walk and now he doesn't recognise me anymore. It hurts so much because I know the second he gets another bleed in the brain it's over and I just cant stand the thought of it.

Just need to get this off my chest.

My grandpa has dementia and my grandmother did too. I can't even put into words how evil this sickness really is. My grandma started to get worse and worse throughout the time of the pandemic. And as much as I try I can't help but be angry at the carers that worked in the home she was put in. I understand everyone was afraid of the sickness spreading but no one in my family at the time was sick. The last time I saw my grandmother was 4 weeks before her passing, which isn't super long but that was right before they put her into the home against her will. She felt so discarded in that home and I never even got to tell her how much she meant to me before she passed.

My grandfather has dementia too. Even though he's still alive it already feels like I lost him. He barely remembers me and it hurts to just see him wilting away. I remember my grandfather as a lively, outgoing man who loves to help people out any chance he gets and loves to help construct things. He's a man who loves to joke and has been in my life since I was a baby. Whenever I visit him now it's just so sad seeing that the man he used to be isn't there anymore. He can't walk properly anymore, he can't speak properly and he can't do anything on his own anymore. Every time I go to visit I need to forcefully hold back crying because I just can't stand to see him like this. I miss my grandpa so much and it's so unfair that he got ill.