u/xdarkshinex

Newly bought house, unfortunately. The neighbor on one side is so obnoxious with the sounds he makes, it's so embarrassing and annoying. The first thing "off" was maximum volume music lasting hours until very late evening. A neighbor complained to him, and so did we, not knowing it was just the beginning. The next thing was a loud garden party with big speakers and a microphone, plus loudly trashtalking and laughing at neighbors (who previously reported noise complaints) with his guests. Then also the wild animal noises he makes and his loud outbursts while he's in his garden. If he hears us in our garden, it gets worse and it feels done on purpose to bully us (some fucked up sort of "assert dominance" thing?). He doesn't talk directly to us, just makes fucked up "RROAARRR!" sounds or screams random things. We were ignoring this but it's becoming a real nuisance if you're just relaxing in your garden.

And then, finally this: I just heard him talking loudly to a friend in his garden, and then he did a loud, prolonged burp. It sounded forced for extra loudness. No "excuse me" afterwards. No shame. Just went on chatting.

Why did it have to be such scum living next to us.

Recently I made a post about our new neighbor playing music extremely loud for hours on a Sunday evening. It could be heard from the street and within our home (with separate walls) with closed windows. This guy had been getting on our nerves before with his loud outbursts and loud radio in his garden. The music on Sunday evening until night, triggered my PTSD and we decided to make a report to the police for them to "check it out".

Well, a few days later the neighbor came to us and confronted us. He asked if his music is a problem. I was angry and I said yes, it's too loud for too long. It doesn't mean you can't play music ever, but it should be reasonable and at reasonable times. He said "Good to know I have good speakers, haha". We thought it would be okay and were relieved.

Not for long. Later, this guy had a birthday party. He invited a bunch of people into his garden. Music and loud talks were normal, we accepted it after our conversation. But what we heard later took us by surprise. His friends made a loud speech for the neighbor. They loudly expressed praise for their friend, thanked him for their friendship and years and then... included us in the speech, his neighbors. They basically said: "Ignore the crybaby neighbors who complain about your music, they can stick it and should mind their own business" and everybody laughed.

Needless to say, hearing these words made us realize any chance of peace with this guy is gone. He must have been so hurt by our complaint about his extremely loud music that he complained about it to his friends who in turn loudly made fun of us. So, yeah. Fun times are coming.

After almost 5 years of living in a apartment in a bad neighborhood unable to move out, I finally managed it. Unfortunately, I had already developed trauma and fear of being in my own house. I experienced it all: psychotic screaming day and night, leaving a mess outside the building, music at night, hammering at night, cigarette/weed smell, excessive parties and so on. It sucked life out of me, I broke down and thought my life would never change.

Finally, after almost 5 years, I was able to buy a house with my partner. We were happy, it was a new start. We thought we left all the bad behind, moving into a nice, friendly and supposedly "peaceful" neighborhood. The house on one side has very lovely people but unfortunately, the same can't be said about the house on the other side. The guy living there has some weird shit. He stays home a lot (with his wife), randomly screams or "roars" in his garden (which is adjacent to ours), regularly plays radio loud outside, and today, he's done the worst thing so far. He's been playing extremely loud music already for a few hours inside his house, so loud that it can be heard from the street. Unfortunately, due to how our houses are positioned, we are the most affected. We can hear the music with our windows closed. When we are outside, it's almost like there's no barrier: we hear the music loud and clear. This volume must be deafening inside.

My partner says it's too soon to go and complain after "one incident", but my body is already triggered. In one moment all the bad memories of the last 5 years came back to me. "Ah shit, here we go again". I thought I was finally safe but it looks like I just can't escape neighbors from hell. I fucking hate them. I can't focus on anything else hearing this music for hours.

I was happy with this house and now I already want out again.

I have tried Googling this, but I get confusing results. There's also nothing about this in my CAO. My employer organizes meetings (where presence is mandatory) which start within the work times and end outside of work time. So, let's say, I normally finish work at 16.00. The meeting starts at 15.00 and ends at 16.30. It includes a meal paid by the employer. According to my employer, he does not have to reimburse the last half an hour in any form. He uses the excuse of the meal during/after the meeting making it look like we get a free meal in exchange for the time. Yet, there isn't a specific time slot allotted only for the meal, so you're expected to stay for the whole duration. Also, since it's a smaller (tight-knit?) company where most people don't mind staying longer unpaid, you'll look like the odd one if you get up alone and leave at 16.00 sharp.

Is this okay and how to navigate this?

The flying monkey is my aunt. She caught me by surprise. I was messaging someone else she happened to be with when she called me. The other person messaged me "(my aunt's name) is going to call you" and at the same time I saw a call coming. I can't blame the other person, they're unaware of the family dynamics, but the fact that they shared they were talking to me prompted my aunt to take her chance to call me. At first, I didn't answer. She tried the second time, I gave in.

At first it sounded okay. I'd recently bought a house, so the first questions were like "How is it, how's the house, it looks nice" (she had seen the photos from someone else). It was going okay, until she started being her usual self. That's why I avoid her and talking to her. The moment she said "I don't want to be nosy, but..." I knew she was going to get VERY nosy. All the bad feelings came back to me. I didn't want to talk anymore but I always fail. I go with it, I feel this inexplicable need to be nice and answer all the questions at least half-honestly while hating it. I somehow can't say "I'm not doing this". She asked me any nosy question she could ask. "When are you going to visit your family? They're getting older. How much did your house cost? How big is it? Who were the previous owners? How much do you need to do in the house, are you paying someone for it? Does your house get cold? Do you have any money left with the mortgage? Is your relationship going well? Are any children coming? Why not? You should have at least one. Have you made a friend yet in your new location? No? That's not good" and so on. I felt so drained during and after this conversation that I ended the call with an excuse. Way too late.

Now I can't sleep because I keep analyzing it in my head. I feel like I failed by answering those questions in a nice way, but why wasn't I able to do any different? What is it with me every time that as soon as these people get ahold of me, it's like I'm under their spell? It's like I'd feel guilty if I responded in a negative way. Or is it fear? I just don't know. I know she will forward all this information to the family narcs, and I hate myself for it. I just don't know how they can control me so well every time, even when I live far away from them. I feel so weak. My body yells at me every time these situations occur and I'm like a deer standing on the road as the lights approach. I hate myself for it.