u/xiaotensai

Haruka be upon ye

I am IXFP 4w5 sx/sp (quite sure I’m sx4 I Think. Idk…)

I have heard that mental illness can keep you from finding out your true type. I want to find out how this affects ISFP so I can see if I’m a true INFP or just an ISFP under extreme stress and anxiety.

I like my material comforts from time to time, and a good wardrobe which corresponds with how I want to feel and appear as makes me happy. There is a very specific way I want to dress and express myself, and if I don’t feel like it conforms with that, I will always feel a little unhappy.

I like an environment which works hand in hand with how I’m feeling and generally love a good vibe. Its also why I love listening to music a lot, if let’s say I’m on an aeroplane, and I look out the window while listening to music which makes me feel like I’m flying, I will feel ecstatic. Like “YAHOO OH MY GOD IM FLYING YIPPEE!!” And if I can’t find the right music to match my vibe it’s just Nice Noise.

But at the same time, I have been told I’m very ‘not there’ sometimes, and scolded for not being fully present, and being oblivious to social cues. Sometimes, my mind feels extremely foggy when I get overwhelmed by my emotions, and because of this I am not fully present. Whenever I desire or see a need to, I will actively push myself to engage in deep thinking, but it doesn’t come naturally to me. Often, I have to have people remind me of nuances because I’m guided more by my heart than my head.

Obviously, my Fi is my dominant function. There’s no questioning that.

I suck at brainstorming. Too many ideas overwhelm me, so I like to narrow down and focus on just one that I like the most. Is that Ni in action?

As for Sensing function, I can say when something happens my emotional reaction is immediate and impulsive, happening unconsciously. I don’t tend to think about my past a lot, unless I need to access past memories or experiences as necessary data to comprehend myself (I mean of COURSE you need to do that to figure out typology??). But usually I do that very reluctantly and treat it more as an “ok I need to actually remember what happened to me and how I felt in order to type myself. Let’s do this brain”

I feel a lot more comfortable when I just react to things in the here and now, and don’t really feel ‘nostalgia’ on a molecular level, or just don’t drown myself in it. It doesn’t mean I don’t feel it completely, there are some good times I wish I could relive again but the feeling is more like “Damn I wish I could experience it one more time, that would be great” than “I need things to be the way they were before…”

This doesn’t mean I don’t Think at all, but instead, whenever I think, I just prefer that the Thinking be fast, so I can “get on with it already” and come to an emotional conclusion? I think this is common in all Te-inferior, but what would I know?

But because I’m self aware that THAT may lead me to jump to conclusions and miss details and nuance, I force myself to Think. We all need nuance. But as I said before I often need someone to remind me to think of nuance.

I’m just worried I may be larping as ISFP because of how not-present I am, and also because I relate to INFP. Does stress, burnout, and an unsafe environment cause an ISFP to dissociate and retreat into their inner world? Or is that just INFP behavior, and have I been larping all this time?

Ask me questions and everything, I do not care. I need to get to the bottom of this once and for all so I can stop having internal turmoil over whether I’m INFP or a slightly overwhelmed ISFP 😭

I was thinking about it because like a lot of others, I really want Mikoto to get the “draw yourself” question, because he says he’s good at drawing but isn’t very good at it. Then I thought… it would be really nice if he gets the “Draw yourself“ question and he tries to draw John as well. Because John is “also him.”

We would get to see Mikoto’s perception of what John is like. It would make a lot of Mikoto fans cry, including me 🥲

The alternative to this, is that he would be at a loss as to what to draw, and write something like “Guard-san, which one?” (In a teasing way perhaps??)

Or he could just draw himself. The answer would kill me either way.

What do you guys think?

(Image unrelated but the shitpost with this thumbnail has me laughing on the floor, and it was the first Mikoto image I had in my gallery so I just put it there because I was lazy)

I feel like Mikoto might be a victim of neglect, or simply a broken household.

My theory for him is that his mother and father divorced when he was at very young age, and because of that, he had to grow up extremely quickly; the task of taking care of his younger sister fell on him. Divorced mothers in Japan usually face a lot of social stigma, and since Mikoto said his mother “practically raised him”, I’m imagining that Mikoto’s mother had to support not just herself, but both of her kids as well, and that would definitely take a huge toll on her. I’m not saying she wasn’t fully emotionally present, but I don’t think he would have gotten all his needs (not just physical) met as a child. I’m saying this from experience, I have a mother who’s constantly stressed out from work and life matters, and on top of her giving me stress daily, I am unable and unwilling to go to her for help or support.

The point I want to make is that having a huge responsibility placed on him + him likely not being able to go to his mother to have his needs met + the pressure/expectations from being a gifted child + the divorce itself implying much more (his dad. i have too many questions where the Fuck did his dad go) + all this happening at such a young age could have contributed to the development of his DID, and his tendency to mask from that too, because he did not want to burden his mother even further. Him being a gifted child only worsened this because he likely believed he was “first amongst equals” and thus did not need to seek much help.

Child neglect, whether intentional or not, is still abuse too.

Am I making sense here. Or am I missing anything. I’m trying to include what was written in his report while making it still make sense with his dissociation. All that from such a young age could Not have been good for Mikoto, could it? I dunno, its just my own take that I wanted to share.

Any song will do. I love love LOVEEE doing this kind of thing and finding out the meaning behind others choices too, so please fire away. Partially started out as an excuse to yap about my choices but then I was like “You know what I kind of want to hear about everyone’s opinions as well so why not make a post about this!”

It can be non-vocaloid, non-japanese, anything!! The reasoning doesn’t have to be super accurate either, it literally can just be “This song has (character) vibes. Fight me” and I’ll go “Haaaaa, very interesting!! Thanks for sharing :)”

I’ll talk about a few of mine here.

kyu-kuarin (iyowa) —> Mikoto/Yuno : Okay this one is like, pretty much self-explanatory. Like the girl in the song, Mikoto is masking his mental health struggles with a pleasant and easygoing front, or a ‘smile’. I’ve been Imagining the MV in my head for a while now, too. Could also fit Yuno with her depression and how she changes herself to fit everyone’s palate with a smile.

Amanojaku (164) —> Fuuta : The title translation is “A born coward”. Yeah. I also think Fuuta is someone who would be awkward but well-meaning and genuine in any kind of relationship (platonic, romantic, anything) and not know how to communicate properly (Es literally says he’s awkward in Amane’s T3 VD). Amanojaku is a song about a person who can’t handle relationships, who is unable to respond properly to love and affection and thus comes off as cold or distant, and I feel like because of his chronic loneliness + abrasive personality, he would be absolutely horrible at friendships or relationships in general. I’m like going around in circles here but you get what I mean.

Ikiru (Mizuno Atsu) —> Haruka : Dude this is a Haruka song. Source? Me. This is definitely a Haruka song I don’t know how to explain it but like ITS HARUKA OKAY. Just. Read the lyrics. Youll get what I mean.

Yapping time :)

I haven’t listened to Deep Cover, I Love You, or Throw Down as much, so apologies if my judgement for them was incorrect, I was mostly going off my memory of how the song sounds like.

I feel like both All Knowing All Agony and Double would be SUPER intense charts. I mean just listen to that mental instrumental breakdown!! Weakness as well, both of Haruka’s songs sound like 31+ charts to me.

I think Tear Drop sounds very similar to a less intense More More Jump commission, so I put it in Level 26.

Is it just me or does Amane’s monologue at the start of The Purge March sound like the google translate monologue at the start of CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY. Yeah I can imagine the notes gliding across the screen lol. Anyway that’s a master 30

I woooooould have put MeMe higher, idk man. Master 31 maybe?? Then bump Backdraft down a little. I just put it in 31 because of how fast it is, lol.

I would love to play all these charts if they actually existed, it would be so much fun. Hsgsjsgskdgd why hasn’t anyone on Sonolus made one for Backdraft yet

Like, its literally perfect.

Voices? Immaculate.

Growls? Impeccable.

Lyrics? Fits both of them perfectly.

If not a duet then I just need both of them to sing solo I need it so bad the thought has gripped me so violently I CANT GET RID OF IT I NEED TO DRAW AND CREATE IMMEDIATELYYYYYYY (cries in no time so I cant draw)

English translation of the most recent Minigram as of the time of making this post! I got it from here: https://mangadex.org/title/e42f6486-e018-4f29-b54c-7baed2ee855d/minigram

Going by instincts (since I haven’t been in the Milgram fandom for a SUPER long time and I mainly just stay in my own space) I’m pretty sure this should be a popular headcanon.

But given Fuuta’s disdain for both his father and smoking (which is shown rather strongly here), do you think it’s possible his father smoked, which led to his strong dislike for smoking in the first place?

I’m just thinking about it. Chewing on the thought like someone chews on a candy. It could be possible, it could also not be, since I hate the smell of smoking smoke and similar too (ew car exhaust) but I don’t have a parent who smokes.

Poor Kazui, though. Let him get to his cigarettes, tomato head!!

My friend sent me this and I laughed SO hard, please go see the original post 😭😭😭

I don’t remember this anywhere in Minigram, but it’s funny as FUCK

Source: https://x.com/i/status/2082690598759452979

I portray myself as a cool, calm and collected person on the internet, sometimes even friendly or aggressive depending on the type of person I’m interacting with, but mostly thats because I want to avoid any unnecessary conflict. Irl I’m very awkward when interacting with others, but I mostly cant control my emotions/bad at hiding my emotions and end up behaving very childishly when excited, or completely quiet and asocial the next.

Inside, I feel emotions very strongly, but it really depends on what type of emotions they are, and they can sometimes be for extremely petty reasons. I’m a person with a preference for a few close friends rather than many to sustain me, and I can get Very emotionally demanding or forthright in a relationship with a person I love (platonically) the most. This can be destructive towards both me and the person but I try my utmost best to hold myself back because I’m self aware, so it’s mainly exhausting/destructive for me only. I try to be as honest and open with the people I prioritize relationships with as possible (which is very few people), but sometimes this results in me sounding brash, awkward or insensitive.

I‘m a person who’s extremely focused on self-reflection and figuring myself out/finding my identity through the themes and medias I’m drawn to, sometimes to a frightening extent, and I need to pause and breathe because the emotions that that evokes can be too much for me sometimes, especially in relationships. I draw patterns between the characters I relate to or themes/media I’m drawn to and use that to draw conclusions or theories about myself and figure myself out more.

I can be selfish and awkward toward people I don't know well, I’m bad at expressing outward care without getting embarrassed into superhell, and I’m a person that’s extremely sensitive to criticism (or even outside input) and does not take it well (wow triple rhyme!). Because of this, even though I want to figure myself out as much as possible, I sometimes have trouble being honest with myself when stressed and block out the most undesirable implications about myself from my mind. Consequently, this leads to me being very subconsciously self-justifying until I cannot run from those bad implications anymore.

I personally thought I was I’m ISFP / 4w5 / Fi-Se-Ni-Te but I just wanted to check because I. Am completely lost on this stuff… thank you, I hope what I provided was adequate!

Backdraft is my favorite song in all of Milgram, and I love it to the ends of the earth and back (haha very funny). Even that sentence is not even enough to convey how much I love Backdraft. So, in an attempt to do just that, I attempted to analyze it with all the power I had, as a head-empty-and-always-loud, struggling literature student.

(I did say in that one watch together gathering I would yap all about Backdraft, so here it is.)

It isn’t 100% perfect, accurate or organized, and I might be overanalysing some stuff, but I guess if you want to see someone else’s perspective on it, you can go ahead and open the doc.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/11u0KSYFQhU--E0vtKpyLYXlRsRS5pWjMX0YuGLQ-vdM/edit?usp=drivesdk

In descending order.

It’s a bit scuffed in places but it’s ok. When times are tough you draw your comfort character going through it

Mahiru from Ghost Avenue - Eve and Fuuta are LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON.

Unhealthy living styles, seeking validation from the internet, red hair, shark teeth, video game imagery as delusions of real life, they are both in some form of denial, implied depression, not very honorable personalities… okay yeah I’m adding this song to the Fuuta playlist.

Go listen to Ghost Avenue and watch the MV with the subtitles on, it’s a very nice song!! https://youtu.be/PysVvOp0jiU

It all started with a tiny thought on “Hey, the style contrast between Bring It On and The Appare March is very interesting. One is in an arcade video game style, the other is in a comic book style. I wonder what this may mean. I’m absolutely shit at analysis and deep stuff, but lets do it anyway because I want people to hear about my ideas.”

And here I am, yapping very messily about The Appare March and what some of the things in it could mean. At least to me. I’m listening to Appare March on loop as I type this so HOOOOOO BOY we’re really plunging down the rabbit hole with this one. LETS GO GUYS!!!

Thought number 1: Fuuta is someone who wants to feel important and capable, but lacks the strength and courage to do so. Both Bring It On and The Appare March depict Fuuta as some sort of leader or important figure. But in Bring It On, Fuuta fights. He’s a warrior, someone that is strong, heroic and courageous, someone who wields a flaming sword of justice to cut down perceived enemies and save the world. In The Appare March, he’s a messenger. He refers to himself as ‘lucky’ to be chosen as an apostle, which is generally used to refer to a devoted advocate of a cause or a primary pioneer of a movement. Okay so here’s my point. By moving from a ‘warrior’ to a ‘messenger’, he avoids direct involvement and abandons the role of the warrior, which requires one to be strong and courageous. A messenger on the other hand, just needs to… well. Spread a message. It is arguably a less active role than a warrior, but still an active one nonetheless. Being, or seeing himself as a messenger allows Fuuta to fulfill that desire to feel important and that sense of pride and accomplishment while taking on a role that is… um, less heroic and active than what a warrior is? Words are failing me severely.

I think this also brings out Fuuta’s whole ’My identity and worth entirely depend on the opinions of everyone else and I panic and tend to go with where the wind blows when that is challenged.’ Because, what good is a messenger with nobody to support them and listen to their message? Right?

‘Appare’ can also be read in english as ‘Splendid!’, something you say when you‘re giving praise to someone for an exceptional achievement or a display of great courage (its also worth noting that its rather archaic and something that originates from ancient Japanese). Fuuta is someone who is known notoriously for being a huge coward, it’s even mentioned in his official description for gods sake. ‘A good-hearted but cowardly individual’. In Appare March repeats these words over and over in the chorus, “Appa pa pare pare!” As if he’s talking to himself. It’s stated in Fuuta’s crime report that he was in some sort of ‘echo chamber’… so it’s like he’s, like. Praising himself. Shouting ‘Attaboy!’ into that echo chamber and receiving ‘Attaboy!’ back. I dont know if it’s notable that there are less backing vocals in The Appare March than his other two songs (there ARE still backing vocals but it’s like less???? Pronounced???) which, together with all the other things I mentioned before, only brings the fact of how hopelessly alone he is, and how far away from that ideal he is, Into even sharper contrast. Or maybe I just have bad hearing and need to go get my ears checked.

Thought number 2: The style contrast between Bring It On and The Appare March. My brain is already failing me so bear with me on this one. Remember how I said that ‘Appare’ is a rather archaic and theatrical way of praising someone in Japanese? And the whole comic book theme and very outdated way of using Japanese. (I have not gotten my sources checked. I only vaguely remember someone saying this under a post I read that I now forgot. Please help me lol)

So, Fuuta is someone who didnt feel connected to the place he was born in and moved to Tokyo because he admired its modern, stylish and sleek atmosphere. For someone who admires modernity and stylishness to have such an archaic depiction of his MV creates a stark contrast, and shows his view of his actions in T3 compared to T1.

T1: Heroic, in a stylish and sleek video game style, accomplishment after accomplishment.

T3: Ancient, outdated text style and Japanese words, comic book style, villainous and dark.

In T3, Fuuta sees his actions as something he wants to leave behind and something he does not feel or want to feel connected to anymore, like his hometown.

We can see his footprint over the comic book in the end, too, and the pages of the comic book torn, scattered across the ground. He tramples thoughtlessly over this depiction of him, charging ahead to pick up the white flag of surrender? Sign of a new movement? World? I dunno. Whatever it is, Fuuta has given up trying to be a ‘hero’. Or at least the flavor of ’hero’ he wanted to be in the past.

At first, he wanted to bring down the ‘bad guys’, but now, he just wants to save people (like he perceives himself to have been saved). Of course, this also stems mostly (partially, if I want to Believe In Him, which I want to but thats not the point) from that same self-serving desire to feel important and connected to the world in a meaningful way (but again, he’s too weak to do that), but I also think its because he’s a kind (put a HUGE asterisk there) person, deep down. He was in a deeply vulnerable state, mentally, emotionally and physically, and we can see that he knows he’s a person that’s too weak to change by himself (if I may argue, some parts of him havent changed at all). He had given up all hope by then that he could right his path and avoid being unforgiven, which is like a death sentence to Fuuta. Think about it this way. A person who‘s fundamental fear is being outcasted, rejected and invisible— being convicted of a crime. Taking Japan’s very conformist society into account, where having a criminal record leads to severe societal exclusion, its no wonder Fuuta has this intense fear of being convicted or seen as a ‘bad person’.

Amane reaching out to him with her religion gave him the hope that he could be righted again and avoid being seen as a criminal. That one small light that said ‘Hey, if you just keep praying, maybe everything will turn out okay in the end. Maybe you’ll be forgiven’. And Fuuta, who basically had no other outs at that time, CLUNG to that hope like a lifeline. It gave him salvation. We can see he became a lot more calmer and introspective during T3, understanding how his circumstances led to his crime, and understanding how unjustifiable it is. In MILGRAM, Fuuta is surrounded by other people who have all ’committed murder’ like him, and I think he understands that they have their own set of unique circumstances and emotional turmoil that led them down the path they took, just like him. I personally think that his good-heartedness would have wanted them to experience the sort of emotional release and ‘salvation’ he did, thats (part of) why he tried so hard, going around the prison to try and ‘save people’ with the thing that saved him. Again I will raise the point of Fuuta being a very, uh, complex? Person, and besides this innate good-heartedness thats driving his actions is also a selfish desire to feel accomplished and important through this religion as well. People are one big ball of grey, you cant just reduce them to black and white (though I tend to unconsciously do that even when I try not to, so I’m a hypocrite as much as he is).

Holy fuck okay that took me about 2 hours to type out from start to end, my head is all scattered and spinning. I definitely did not cover everything but I think if I tried, I would explode. More for next time, I guess. If you have any thoughts please let me know or something I’ll try my best to respond to them adequately. Goodbye

If there’s anything wrong or suspicious with it, you can let me know. I’m conflicted about my instinctual variant being SP1 or sp/sx, though.

Hi. As one of the (self-proclaimed) N25 KAITO enthusiasts on here, I saw this mini-trend on the main sub and wanted to do it here in case my post got nuked.

We will assume he (or I) will actually care enough to reply to all your comments with the most straightforward and genuine answer he is willing to give.

Ask away. Or don’t, and I’ll re-post this on the main sub when Casual Weekend comes.

I. Also considered ”Laplace’s Angel (Hurt people? Hurt people!)“ for Mikoto to show his “am I really that bad?!” shtick in T1 but replaced it with Ghost City Tokyo (which I ALSO almost assigned to Fuuta but I didn’t want to give him TOO many songs) instead.

I‘ve been thinking sm about songs outside of Milgram in relation to Milgram prisoners so much its Crazy. (I am SO big on Shunran Fuuta and Ikirutte-Nandayo Yuno ahhhhh)

If you want to ask about certain song choices or comment the song you associate with the prisoners go ahead. I just needed somewhere to place my ever-multiplying brainworms T_T

ik it still looks like Akito but Who Cares. Im not unemployed enough to sit down and perfect this for 12 hours so I settled with second best 🥀

I might edit more in the future if I can!