I did it. I moved out after 20+ years of abuse.
TW/CW: so much abuse
Moved out last week while my nmom was on a trip. My first memory was being slapped by her, I was five and bit my lip till it bled. That was the reason I got slapped.
Then the financial and physical abuse. Whacked with a rattan cane for not napping, denied dinner (even though it only happened once) because I bought a bottle of sweet lemon tea from school, having my phone confiscated for as long as 6 months because I brought it with me into the bathroom, my college allowance halved or denied for the whole month because something small pissed her off, like collecting and sending postcards or not folding my clothes.
Getting slapped. Throwing my things into the trash while I slept. Hitting me so hard she left handprints while I slept. Calling me unfilial, useless, stupid, bunch of other names. Punches aimed at my head. Cutting a pair of my jeans straight down the seam because she hates me wearing jeans. Having a meltdown and throwing tantrums in public. Controlling what I wear. Refusing to be seen in public with me unless I wear a skirt or dress in specific colours. Not adding me on social media because she doesn't want her friends to see how fat and ugly her daughter is...
The last straw was when she punched me and hit me with a wooden display box, which resulted in a laceration on my arm. I called the police on her, and that was the day I decided to move out and escape for good.
My nmom has thoroughly failed as a mother and I'll never see her as one. It's so hard and so scary to be alone, now that my father has passed and I'm not close to my nmom for obvious reasons, but for the first time in many, many years I finally feel safe.
A small part of me wonders if I'm doing the wrong thing, but another part says she'll never change. Still confused, and it'll take a long time, but if you've moved out I'd love to hear your experiences.