u/yadayodayidayado

I am currently on the 2nd Liveship Traders book (only half way through The Mad Ship, so no spoilers for further than that please!) & I just wanted to mention something that Hobb does that I feel many other fantasy authors miss out on. Hobb’s characterisation is obviously superb, but what makes it stand out for me is not only how richly complex the characters are, but how each of their actions absolutely make sense for them to do.

Other fantasy books will have intriguing characters, but their actions are sometimes forced in order to serve the plot or move things on. I’ve found when reading more modern fantasies that characters will make decisions that are completely left field or just pointless in order to cause tension.

Whereas Hobb tends to make the plot follow these characters through life, whilst interweaving a continuous overarching plot (Maulkin & the Serpents and The Elderling Cities) throughout each of the trilogies. It just makes for much more engaging reading as well as makes these characters completely come alive I think! It also allows you to love/hate character like Kennit even more, because you deeply understand everything he is doing.

I also want to add - I feel like Hobb not only chooses actions for the characters that make sense, but they are also actions that feel unique. I dont necessarily expect everything, but I understand when it happens. So few authors are able to capture that level of understanding and I think it’s what makes Hobb stand out amongst a lot of the fantasy on the bookshelves!

What do you think?

Hey, so my question above is quite burning and this will be long because the context is necessary I think. I am feeling trapped, frightened and conflicted, but I’d be grateful for any help or advice because I am an only child and don’t have many who understand my situation.

I (24f) have been a carer for my mum since I was about 15. Once I was 17 and could drive, I became her full time support, getting medication and shopping and helping her with day to day things whilst also managing school. I do have a step-dad, but he has to work a lot due to our financial situation at home.

My mum has been disabled, with a spinal issue, since I was 11 years old. She hasn’t worked since then because of her disability, so before Covid it was up to my step-dad to make ends meet, with the bonus of child support from my bio dad. Since Covid though, I have had to help out financially as well as physically at home. I did go to university, but frequently I was called home to help out with the day to day activities and most of my adult life I’ve had to devote to making sure my mum is well looked after.

This brings me to the last 3 years. After university, I was intending to move out of home and live and pursue my dreams of being in the film industry. About a month after coming home from university, my mum encouraged me in a big speech to leave home so I wasn’t forced to care for her in my “prime years” and could establish a life of my own. It was a fantastic speech, but when it came to me moving out 3 months later, she pulled quite a large guilt tripping card wherein she told me it wasn’t the right time for me to leave and she wouldn’t be able to cope without me. I decided to stay, because I didn’t feel I had much choice, ended up working as a receptionist full time and then that’s where the real problems started.

Prior to me working, my mum had assured me I could stay home rent free (I was in a lot of debt from an overdraft after uni because of rent costs and a small loan from the government not making my ends meet). This is another element to why I decided to stay home, because I could get myself out of debt without the worry of rent to pay. But as soon as I started working, I was told I had to pay £350 in rent every month. I thought it was reasonable, a bit annoying because of what I’d been promised, but fair enough realistically. After 2 months of paying this rent, it increased to £450 a month and then also I was required to pay for regular groceries (£80-£90 a week) without any payment back. I was completely unable to get out of debt, I was working 8 nights in a row just to keep on top of costs whilst spending my days looking after my mum.

We then had a family tragedy in which my grandad (on my mum’s side) passed away. Then 4 days later, we got evicted from our house due to landlord selling up and then my dog and my cat died within one week of each other. The grief really affected my mum badly and the tasks she could do herself landed on me to pick up. I did so, whilst also juggling my job and also trying to find work in the industry too and packing up the house and moving us out. It was very stressful and even now (2 years on) I haven’t really recovered - but that’s also due to the situation not improving but getting worse.

I did manage to get very lucky in summer last year, wherein I managed to score a job on a film set. It was 6 months and I would be moving to London to live with my bio-dad. I thought I was finally free from the responsibility, I was being paid more and my dad let me live rent free. I managed to get out of debt, make lots of savings (about 6K) and felt life was finally starting. But after a month of working this dream job, I was called home on a weekend. And then another weekend. And then another. I was working 60 hours a week and every fortnight I was travelling 4-5 hours to get to my mum to help her out. It was exhausting and unmanageable. And then it got worse, because my mum started asking me for financial help. Saying that because I still had a bed and a bookshelf in the house at hers that I should have been paying rent there still. So, caving under her pressure (which involved a lot of shouting and insults until I was crying) I started sending her the money she needed, expecting her to be paying it back after a week or so.

This brings me to now, where I have finished that 6 months contract. I am unemployed, and I’ve been forced back home to my Mums due to her not being able to cope without me again - and also I had a nervous breakdown and she convinced me that coming home is what I needed to fix my mental state. Everything has become worse and she has forced nearly all of my savings out of me and I have only £800 left to my name. She has paid me back £600 since January, but I am owed near £4500 which I am doubting I’ll get back. I am helping out with the caring again, and as much as I need a job for money, I am aware if I get a job near my Mums I won’t be leaving here for a very long time.

I’ve tried saying no to her needs for cash, but she screams and verbally abuses me until I give in just to stop the fight. I pay for all the food (which never gets paid back) and I do all the cleaning and the admin for the family because my step-dad has had to stay with his own father who is in palliative care. I’ve tried to explain that I want to move out, but I have been told that if I leave now then I’m abandoning my family when my step-grandad is dying. On top of all this, I think it’s worth mentioning that my mum is a mental conspiracy theorist (flat earth, MAGA and all of that, even though we are UK based). So she is really difficult to reason with in normal conversation, let alone important ones. Anytime I’ve mentioned struggling, she throws it in my face that I’m selfish, horrid and spiteful because her disability and lack of money is worse than my life.

I very recently finally came clean to one of my good friends about it all, after not telling anyone for 6 years what my home life is like. He has informed me quite clearly that my mum is manipulating and abusing me for her own benefit, both emotionally and financially. He has been suggesting that I need to get out and cut contact, but I have been feeling really frightened and ashamed of it all - wondering if I’m just being dramatic and it’s not that big of a deal. Mum is always saying “every family is in this situation, it’s normal” - but I feel like a pressure cooker about to explode and that doesn’t feel normal?

I need a way out of this situation without abandoning my mum because I won’t be able to handle the guilt of leaving her uncared for. We are supposed to be moving house again in a month (due to another eviction) - and after that I want to live with my bio-dad whom I adore and feel very safe with (he doesn’t know anything though because I fear the fall out of him finding out). But I worry my mum is going to find another way to manipulate me into staying home and even if I leave, I’ll be pressured into giving her money again.

I don’t want to lose my relationship with my mum, I do love her and she is special to me. We are very close. But I also know I can’t go on the way I am, I have had some dark thoughts and I’m really worried that I won’t be able to logic myself away from them if the pressure keeps going the way it is. Any advice on this would be much appreciated, I feel very alone, conflicted and scared.

Thank you.