a more in depth explanation of my lithromantic + demiromantic experiences
this is for the person who wanted a more in depth explanation of my experiences ^^ so i’m not out to anyone (my friends just know i’m queer but thats it) and i’ve been thinking about this kinda stuff lately. after doing research, i find the term lithromantic applies to me when it comes to men, and demiromantic applies to me when it comes to women, but i’m still not quite sure.
when i explain how i feel towards men, some girls go “oh that happens to me” or “you’ll get over it” which honestly feels a little diminishing towards my feelings. for example, yesterday i was talking to my sister about relationships and i explained what happens when i like a guy. she said the same thing happened to her with her current bf (of 3-4 yrs i think?). except, she said after like 2 months, she just kinda got the ick, but got over it. that was the only way she knew how to explain it. but for me it feels deeper. i do wonder though, if i waited long enough, would i get over it like her? anyway, heres my explanation. when i start to crush on a guy its usually someone i’ve never talked to before or i’ve talked to like once. i want him to like me back. i like the chase and looking for subtle signals from them. one of my crushes i actually ended up making a move on. we started talking and slowly i started feeling everything kicking in. i felt anxious (in a bad way) and didn’t have the desire to message him, but this feeling wasn’t too apparent yet and i thought it was just normal. after only 2 weeks, he asked me to be his gf. i said yes, but the next day i felt like absolute shit. i was crying all day, feeling anxious, talking to him felt like a chore, and it just didn’t feel right. after getting with him, i was thinking about my feelings for a whole week. i ended up breaking up with him even though it was really hard to explain. it almost felt like my feelings for him weren’t developing properly, and almost all my feelings for him vanished. i didn’t get butterflies when he was texting me anymore and i honestly didn’t find him that attractive anymore. i’ve had a few other instances where i’ve crushed on guys, but when i realized they liked me back, i lost feelings pretty quickly. when it comes to starting talking stages with guys i had just met and thought were cute, at first its exciting to get to know them because i enjoy getting to know more about people. but then the same thing happens where my feelings vanish and i kinda avoid them and don’t wanna text them. idk if any of that made sense.
however, when it comes to girls its different. i’ve only ever dated one girl (i think i was around 11-12??). it was an online relationship and lasted a few months (i think at least a month), but she ended up breaking it off with me. i don’t quite remember how that whole relationship felt, but i didn’t just lose feelings for her. when i’ve had crushes on girls, its not quite immediately. when i get to know a girl more as a friend, i all of a sudden get a spark and view her differently (obviously hasn’t happened with every girl, just a few). i’ve never had any of those girls like me back though, but to me, liking girls just feels different. sometimes it was a little hard to except the fact that i was crushing on a girl. one of them i didn’t realize i was actually crushing on her until she got a bf and i got jealous that it wasn’t me with her. since I’ve only ever had one experience that i barely remember, its hard to say whether i’m demiromantic towards women or not.
anyway, if u have any thoughts lmk :)