u/z96girl

I do not care that "it's just the internet" because it's not, that was a real person on the other side, telling me I deserve to suffer alone with an illness that has taken the joy out of my life. An illness that caused me to attempt to take my life 3 times in the space of 6 months. And that person said they don't care. While claiming to be passionate about mental health. How the f can anyone say something so evil to someone

It's a myth that people regret their attempts. I'm 29 and my body literally doesn't function. I live with pain every day. My hair became thin and my skin became dry. Invisible illness that doctors don't even care about. I wasted my entire youth. I was bullied to the point of body dysmorphia and agoraphobia. Then just as I got better... I became physically ill. Now I'm falling back to how I was before. I feel so ugly. I see an old lady in the mirror. I don't want to leave the house in case my pain flares up.

I went for food at a nice restaurant last night and even just saying hello and thank you to the waiter and waitress makes me feel like a non-human freak, and feeling like I don't deserve to be there or I ruin the atmosphere for everyone else. I know this feeling stems from lifelong bullying but I don't know why I still feel like this at nearly 30 because of how I was treated as a teen.