u/zaytzat00n

Age: 36
Height: 5’4”
Build: Curvy/athletic. I fluctuate between a size 8–12 depending on how active I am. Currently a size 12 and working on getting back into a consistent fitness routine.
Ethnicity: Palestinian
Languages: Fluent in English & Arabic, un poquito de español
Location: California, USA
Relocation: Prefer to stay in the US, willing to discuss.
Marital Status: Never married, no children
Religious Practice: Practicing Sunni Muslim (Quran & Sunnah)
Education: Bachelor’s Degree in Business
Occupation: Program Manager

My definition of marriage is: A sacred covenant (ميثاقًا غليظًا) built on mercy, trust, respect, and mutual accountability. I believe marriage should bring sakinah and help both spouses become better Muslims. We each have unique roles and responsibilities, but ultimately we’re a team that supports one another through every season of life.

About Me: I’m warm, empathetic, and lighthearted. I care deeply about the people closest to me and naturally try to make them feel loved, heard, and appreciated. I’m introspective and need quiet time to recharge, but I also enjoy quality time, laughter, and creating meaningful memories with the people closest to me.

I come from a big family, and as the oldest of many siblings and daughter of immigrants, I’ve carried a lot of responsibility from a young age. I value accountability and people who take ownership of their responsibilities. I also have a lot of respect for people who’ve faced real hardship and persevered. I’m direct in communication and believe difficult conversations should be handled with honesty, respect, and a genuine desire to find a solution.

I try not to take the dunya too seriously. I believe a meaningful life is one spent worshipping Allah and serving His creation. I try to help our Ummah wherever I can, even in small ways.

In My Free Time

You’ll usually find me:

• Reflecting on the Quran and seeking Islamic knowledge
• Spending time in nature, especially stargazing
• At the beach with coffee and a good book
• Strength training, Pilates, and staying active
• Exploring new technology
• Enjoying quiet mornings and late nights

Hoping to Meet

I’m looking for a practicing Sunni Muslim who understands the responsibilities of a man (رجل) as outlined in the Quran and Sunnah. Not to be confused with simply being male (ذكر).

Someone consistent with his five daily prayers and Jumu’ah, arriving in time for the khutbah, not just the salah. He should have a genuine relationship with the Quran outside of Ramadan and keep the akhirah in mind, allowing that perspective to guide his day-to-day decisions.

I genuinely admire an intelligent man, both book smart and street smart. Someone wise and responsible who exercises good judgment. I’d also love someone funny and lighthearted who knows when to be serious. Affection, romance, and  emotional attentiveness are critical for me.

Preferred Age: 36–42 (no younger or older please)

Height: Taller than me, preferably 5’10”+

Ethnicity: Arab

Language: Must be fluent in English and Arabic (speak, read, and write)

Education: Bachelor’s degree or higher preferred. I’m willing to be flexible here, particularly if life circumstances affected your educational path.

Financial: Financially stable and responsible. If you’ve experienced a major life or health setback, I’m willing to discuss it. I’m not looking for perfection, but I do value effort, responsibility, and ambition. Haram income is absolutely unacceptable.

Marital Status: Currently unmarried. Divorced or widowed is completely fine. I strongly prefer someone without children, though I may consider someone with older children if the co-parenting relationship respects Islamic boundaries and is drama-free.

Children: I would love children and want us to at least try, Insha’Allah. Given my age, I’m realistic that one or two may be the most Allah blesses us with. I’m not open to IVF, but I would be open to adoption, especially considering the many orphaned children in Gaza, Sudan, Syria, and other parts of our Ummah.

Location: I’m currently in Cali and open to relocating for the right person. I prefer someone already in the U.S. or who can easily travel here without extensive immigration barriers. U.S. citizenship itself is not a requirement.

Deal Breakers

• “Cultural” or “progressive” Islam
• Inconsistent with the five daily prayers, including Jumaah
• Second-wife arrangements (Yes, it's halal. No, it's not for me)
• Misyar or mut’ah
• Pornography or other explicit content
• Social media or phone addiction
• Dishonesty or secrecy
• Poor emotional regulation
• Mental or physical violence
• Financial irresponsibility or non-halal income
• Does not support the well-being of the Muslim Ummah or the Palestinian right to resistance

A Few Notes

I’m not filtering for someone whose life has gone perfectly. I’m much more interested in how you handled what Allah (SWT) has tested you with and how those experiences shaped the man you became moving forward.

My wali is involved and I keep him updated regularly. 

Pics will only be shared after initial compatibility is established. I have a questionnaire which you can find in my comment history, you don't need to answer everything immediately but that serves as a good starting point.

I’ve had two genuinely positive experiences with brothers from this sub. Neither progressed to marriage because we discovered later that we weren’t compatible (things like personality or physical attraction), but both interactions were respectful, serious, and conducted with good adab.

Given how many negative experiences are shared here, would it be helpful to have some way of highlighting positive interactions as well?

To be clear, I’m not suggesting we “vouch” for strangers or replace proper vetting. I suggested this idea on another thread and got draaaaaagged for “vouching for complete internet strangers” lol. Everyone should still do their own due diligence, involve their families, ask questions, and verify what they can.

I’m thinking of something more like a referral in the professional world. Not “this person is definitely a good spouse,” but rather, “my experience with this person was respectful, sincere, and aligned with what they presented themselves to be.”

Maybe it wouldn’t work, but I wonder if it could help surface brothers (and sisters) who are genuinely serious and have demonstrated good character during the initial stages of getting to know someone here.

Assalamu Alaikum,

Long post, but Insha’Allah a beneficial one.

I wanted to share the list of questions I put together for assessing marriage compatibility, in case it's useful for anyone else's search. This isn't meant to be an exhaustive list. If you have any valuable additions that have helped you in the past, please drop them in the comments.

A few disclaimers first, since I know these threads can get unnecessarily combative:

1. These questions reflect my own personal values and priorities. Feel free to adapt them to your own, but please don’t use this thread to debate my personal preferences.
2. This is written from a female to male perspective, but most questions work either way. It's meant to be a collaborative exercise that opens up discussion, not a rigid questionnaire.
3. A good answer isn't proof of honesty. Use discernment and critical thinking throughout the process.
4. Some of these questions require real vulnerability. I'd save those for once some trust has been established.
5. To the sisters: once you sense initial compatibility, involve your wali. Islamic rulings around this exist to protect you.
6. To the brothers: effort and thoughtfulness go a long way. Also, open your profile so your post and comment history is publicly visible.
7. To everyone: marriage is one of the most significant decisions you'll make, and it should be approached with taqwa. Allah may forgive sins committed against Him if you sincerely repent, but the rights of His servants (حقوق العباد) are different. Wronging another person isn’t erased through repentance, it requires restoring their rights or receiving their forgiveness. Be truthful. Don't deceive, manipulate, or ridicule anyone. Every word and action is recorded, and we will all stand before Allah to account for them.

Al-Kahf 18:49

وَوُضِعَ ٱلۡكِتَٰبُ فَتَرَى ٱلۡمُجۡرِمِينَ مُشۡفِقِينَ مِمَّا فِيهِ وَيَقُولُونَ يَٰوَيۡلَتَنَا مَالِ هَٰذَا ٱلۡكِتَٰبِ لَا يُغَادِرُ صَغِيرَةٗ وَلَا كَبِيرَةً إِلَّآ أَحۡصَىٰهَاۚ وَوَجَدُواْ مَا عَمِلُواْ حَاضِرٗاۗ وَلَا يَظۡلِمُ رَبُّكَ أَحَدٗا

English — Sahih International: And the record [of deeds] will be placed [open], and you will see the criminals fearful of that within it, and they will say, "Oh, woe to us! What is this book that leaves nothing small or great except that it has enumerated it?" And they will find what they did present [before them]. And your Lord does injustice to no one.
——
Start of questionnaire

بسم* الله الرحمن *الرحيم

أَوَلَمْ* يَكْفِ بِرَبِّكَ* أَنَّهُ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ شَهِيدٌ

"Is it not enough that your Lord is a Witness over all things?" (41:53)

If either of us realizes we're not compatible at any point, that's okay. I'd rather discover that now than after we're married. Whether we continue together or part ways, I pray this process is one that pleases Allah and brings goodness to both of us.

1. Deen & Relationship with Allah
This matters most to me. I'm not looking for a checklist of ibadah, I want to understand your actual relationship with Allah.
- Was there a moment Islam became personal to you, rather than just something you inherited?
- What's strengthened your iman over the years?
- How would you describe where you're at with Allah right now?
- When your iman dips (like everyone's does), what brings you back?
- Would you say your relationship with Allah is your compass for the decisions you make?
- What are you working on spiritually at the moment?
- How do you feel about seeking Islamic knowledge together as a couple — classes, lectures, reading Quran together?
- Any favorite Quranic verses or surahs?

2. Character & Emotional Intelligence
- In what ways do you think your deen has changed your character?
- Do you usually notice when someone is having a difficult day or do you rely on them telling you?
- What makes you feel loved and appreciated?
- What do you do when you realize you've hurt someone?
- What do you do when someone hurts you?
- Is apologizing easy or difficult for you?

3. Vision of Marriage
- Describe a day in your ideal marriage.
- How involved do you want your spouse to be in your decisions?
- Are we a team or do we each have a role/"job?"

4. Finances
- Do you picture a traditional single income household or a dual-income one?
- Are you comfortable with me working?
- If I work, would you expect my income to go toward the household?
- If I stay at home, will you provide an allowance? If yes, how much and will this put stress on you?
- Are you carrying any major financial obligations (debt, dependents, etc.)?

5. Parenting & Family Life
- How was your home life growing up?
- If Allah blesses us with kids, what kind of father do you want to be?
- What kind of mother would you like me to be?
- Do you see parenting as something we'll figure out together or divided by role?
- How hands-on do you want to be? Would you change diapers/give baths/etc?
- What values matter most to you to pass on to our kids?
- How do you feel about how you were raised? What would you keep, what would you do differently?

6. Family Relationships & Boundaries
- What's your relationship like with your parents and siblings?
- How much weight do their opinions carry in your decisions?
- How do you balance honoring your parents with protecting your marriage?
- Where do you see us living? Near family, somewhere new, open to relocating?
- Would we live with your parents or have our own place?

7. Conflict & Emotional Safety
- What are you like when you're angry?
- Do you yell? Silent treatment? Insults? Any form of physical aggression?
- Do you need space after an argument or do you prefer to resolve it right away?

8. Lifestyle & Social Life
- What does a normal week look like for you?
- Do you have friends? How many, and how big a role do your friendships play in your life?
- Do your friends influence your decisions much?
- Are you more of a homebody or do you like being out?
- How do you recharge when you're drained?
- What's your relationship with your phone and social media like?
- Do you watch corn or any explicit content?

9. Attraction & Expectations
- What matters most to you in terms of physical attraction?
- How important is appearance to you overall?
- What does modesty look like to you?
- How do you feel about modest dressing?

10. Health
- Any health conditions, physical or mental?
- Any family history of disease?
- What’s your hygiene routine?

11. Deal Breaker
- Dealbreakers before marriage?
- Dealbreakers during marriage?

12. Other
- What annoys you?
- What are the last 3 videos in your YouTube search history?
- Favorite sport?
- Favorite movie / genre of music?
- Favorite place you've traveled?
- Favorite food?
- Can you cook?

——
How to Pray Istikhara (this is from Claude so please confirm accuracy - from my POV it looks correct but I'm not a scholar)

1. Pray two rak'ahs of voluntary (nafl) prayer, with the intention of seeking Allah's guidance on this matter.
2. After finishing, recite the dua of Istikhara (below), ideally with the specific matter in mind as you say "this matter."
3. There's no requirement to see a dream or get a sign — Istikhara is about Allah placing ease and barakah in whatever is good for you, and turning you away from whatever isn't, even if that happens through ordinary circumstances rather than a dream.
4. It can be repeated as many times as needed. Peace of heart, ease, and things falling into place (or not) over time are usually the real answer.

The Dua (narrated by Jabir ibn 'Abdullah, Sahih al-Bukhari)
Arabic: اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْتَخِيرُكَ بِعِلْمِكَ، وَأَسْتَقْدِرُكَ بِقُدْرَتِكَ، وَأَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ فَضْلِكَ الْعَظِيمِ، فَإِنَّكَ تَقْدِرُ وَلَا أَقْدِرُ، وَتَعْلَمُ وَلَا أَعْلَمُ، وَأَنْتَ عَلَّامُ الْغُيُوبِ. اللَّهُمَّ إِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الْأَمْرَ خَيْرٌ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي، فَاقْدُرْهُ لِي وَيَسِّرْهُ لِي، ثُمَّ بَارِكْ لِي فِيهِ. وَإِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الْأَمْرَ شَرٌّ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي، فَاصْرِفْهُ عَنِّي وَاصْرِفْنِي عَنْهُ، وَاقْدُرْ لِيَ الْخَيْرَ حَيْثُ كَانَ، ثُمَّ أَرْضِنِي بِهِ.

Meaning: O Allah, I seek Your guidance by virtue of Your knowledge, and I seek ability by virtue of Your power, and I ask You of Your immense favor. You are able and I am not. You know and I do not, and You are the Knower of the unseen. O Allah, if in Your knowledge this matter is good for me in my religion, my livelihood, and the outcome of my affairs, then decree it for me, make it easy for me, and bless it for me in it. And if in Your knowledge this matter is bad for me in my religion, my livelihood, and the outcome of my affairs, then turn it away from me, and turn me away from it, and decree for me the good wherever it is, and make me content with it.

Assalamu Alaikum,

I’m a Palestinian born and raised in the San Francisco Bay Area and am open to relocating for the right person. I’ve never been married and don’t have children. I’m open to someone who is divorced provided he does not have children.

I work as a Program Manager in the tech space and hold a Bachelor’s degree in Business. Education is important to me, and I’m looking for someone with at least a Bachelor’s degree as well.

My deen is the foundation of my life. I don’t see Islam as a checklist, but as something that shapes a person’s character. I’m far from perfect, but I strive toward ihsan and hope to find someone on the same path. If you’re struggling with the fundamentals of practicing Islam (such as praying consistently, reading Quran, seeking Islamic knowledge, or maintaining appropriate boundaries with the opposite gender), we’re not the right match.

I’m looking for a Muslim brother between the ages of 33 and 41 who is committed to the Quran and Sunnah and whose faith is reflected in his character. Someone who is emotionally intelligent, communicates with honesty and respect, remains level-headed in both ease and hardship, and has a kind heart and a good sense of humor. I also value a man who is financially responsible, takes his role as a provider seriously, and is committed to building a stable, loving family.

I’m 5’4” and enjoy staying active (walking/ strength training/ Pilates). I also enjoy nature, exploring new cultures, and continuously learning. I’m fluent in both Arabic and English.

Note: please do not reach out with “hi/salam”. Give me something meaningful to respond to. Also, have Taqwa of Allah.

Assalamu Alaikum,

Has anyone attended an ISNA matrimonial event in the past few years? What was your experience like?

My sister is encouraging me (36F) to attend the upcoming event in September, but the idea feels cringe and outside my comfort zone. I’ve never been to a matrimonial event before and don’t have much experience with the marriage search process in general. JZK