u/zazzthezebra

So I (17f) have been struggling with various eating disorders since I was about 11 or 12, it's changed in symptoms and different specific habits but as of recent it's gotten worse than ever before. Since about the past year or two- it's gone from binging occasionally, restricting, and such habits - to full blown bulimia, this consists of extreme, thousands of calorie binges multiple times a day followed by purging(which is at the point my body does it pretty much automatically without even needing fingers to trigger my gag reflex) to the point of yellow, acidic bile every time. The purging has become so ingrained in my bodies daily routine that its gotten to the point I don't digest anything anymore, even if I were to be delayed or prevented for hours, my body simply doesn't digest like it used to, sometimes I can wait 5+ hours and still bring up things from then completely. In short- its gotten serious quick, I've gone from 170+ pounds to around100-105 in a year, and on top of that I've always been on the bigger side, so this weight is pretty much totally abnormal for me. My hair has begun to fall out, I've fainted on staircases hitting my head, get constant debilitating numbness and cramps throughout my body regularly, and have virtually no energy to do anything anymore. Im not ready to die yet, and though my bmi (around low 17/high 16s) is not extremely dangerously low, I can tell my body is shutting down, and that if I continue - I might actually die, but I can't stop. I have nothing I look forward to outside my binges and recovery feels impossible, nor do I feel "sick" enough to deserve it. I guess I just need support and advice, or to at least hear I'm not the only one feeling this way or going through this.

So I (17f) have been struggling with various eating disorders since I was about 11 or 12, it's changed in symptoms and different specific habits but as of recent it's gotten worse than ever before. Since about the past year or two- it's gone from binging occasionally, restricting, and such habits - to full blown bulimia, this consists of extreme, thousands of calorie binges multiple times a day followed by purging(which is at the point my body does it pretty much automatically without even needing fingers to trigger my gag reflex) to the point of yellow, acidic bile every time. The purging has become so ingrained in my bodies daily routine that its gotten to the point I don't digest anything anymore, even if I were to be delayed or prevented for hours, my body simply doesn't digest like it used to, sometimes I can wait 5+ hours and still bring up things from then completely. In short- its gotten serious quick, I've gone from 170+ pounds to around100-105 in a year, and on top of that I've always been on the bigger side, so this weight is pretty much totally abnormal for me. My hair has begun to fall out, I've fainted on staircases hitting my head, get constant debilitating numbness and cramps throughout my body regularly, and have virtually no energy to do anything anymore. Im not ready to die yet, and though my bmi (around low 17/high 16s) is not extremely dangerously low, I can tell my body is shutting down, and that if I continue - I might actually die, but I can't stop. I have nothing I look forward to outside my binges and recovery feels impossible, nor do I feel "sick" enough to deserve it. I guess I just need support and advice, or to at least hear I'm not the only one feeling this way or going through this.